Past child abuse

Altuser

abailey54 wrote: »

Have you ever had counselling for this? Working through your own situation with a counsellor (perhaps one who specialises in sexual abuse) could help you to decide what is best in your situation

Is the rest of your family aware of what happened to you? Do they believe and support you?

Whatever you decide, it's important to look after yourself and make sure you have the support around you from people who are on your side

Thankyou, no i have never had any counselling and have never told anybody about it. My partner is not aware of anything either. I do not even know how i would approach a conversation like that after so long.

Yorkie1

If you decide to report it now then I would be as sure as possible that you will be taken seriously.

The Jimmy Savile case has brought this type of offending into centre stage, and you may have seen the recent publicity about how police and prosecution services will review the evidence (i.e. far more neutrally, not automatically disbelieving the victim) in future.

The fact that another family member has previously reported abuse potentially strengthens the case too.

NAR

Altuser it sounds you have reached a stage that you want to do something about it. You need to talk to a professional in this area who may be able to get you help to move on with your life,whether this means reporting to police or maybe just counselling. I would not share with partner at this stage as it could have a bad affect on your relationship.

sammyjammy

I think you need to consider talking to a professional about this before you approach the police, they could give you a lot of support and guidance.

A friend of mine was abused by her dad for years as were all three of her sisters. None of them ever reported it but they did tell their mum years later who sided with their dad. I think it broke her in two, finally 25 years after the event she has had counseling and is truly able to come to terms with it and live her life. She no longer has contact with her mum and dad, their choice. They have five children and it's like they are strangers.

Wishing you all the best

Sam

bestpud

Lilith1980 wrote: »

This is so untrue - what a great way to make the OP feel responsible for someone else's actions.

I have worked in this field for a number of years and this comes up time and again that victims 'should have reported sooner to stop the offender abusing others'.

It's not up to the OP, nor any victim-survivor to stop a perpetrator. It is the perpetrator's responsibility to stop abusing people.

Can I thank you twice! It makes my blood boil when people start talking tripe like that!

NAR wrote: »

Altuser it sounds you have reached a stage that you want to do something about it. You need to talk to a professional in this area who may be able to get you help to move on with your life,whether this means reporting to police or maybe just counselling. I would not share with partner at this stage as it could have a bad affect on your relationship.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

Reporting it without having come to terms with it yourself, or even spoken about it before, will bring up all manner of emotions.

You'd have to deal with your own feelings and any fall out from other people in your life.

On top of that, you haven't really thought through what it is you want or prepared yourself for the number of potential outcomes.

I strongly advise you to discuss this with someone, preferably a professional who will be objective.

Whatever you decide has to be for you and you only.

abailey54

Altuser wrote: »

Thankyou, no i have never had any counselling and have never told anybody about it. My partner is not aware of anything either. I do not even know how i would approach a conversation like that after so long.

If I had my time again, I would have had professional support at the time I told people about it - they didn't react how I wanted or thought they would and my DH's experience was similar (luckily we had/have each other)

Your experience may be completely different to mine and as others have said, what you do has to be on your terms, when and if you are ready, but there is support out there, and a lot of it is very good.

abailey54

Lilith1980 wrote: »

It's not up to the OP, nor any victim-survivor to stop a perpetrator. It is the perpetrator's responsibility to stop abusing people.

I'm glad someone said it!