Past child abuse

geekgirl

If you would like to chat to someone the freephone number is on the rape crisis website.

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

Not sure if you have had any contact with rape crisis, but they offer counselling for anyone who has been abused, no matter how long ago.

They are really good and will help you talk through the prospect of going to the police etc...

Lilith1980

prowla wrote: »

Yes - if there is a chance that they will reoffend, then you would be passively allowing it to happen again.

This is so untrue - what a great way to make the OP feel responsible for someone else's actions.

I have worked in this field for a number of years and this comes up time and again that victims 'should have reported sooner to stop the offender abusing others'.

It's not up to the OP, nor any victim-survivor to stop a perpetrator. It is the perpetrator's responsibility to stop abusing people.

funkycat06

have pm'd you

Racheldevon

One of the best services/places you could start in terms of getting advice/support is the National Association for People Abused in Childhood http://www.napac.org.uk/

I know of several people who were abused as children who went on to report to the police and the people in these caseswere convicted - it will depend on huge range of factors.

I'd suggest you start with the above, as it's a very speciailised field

Good luck

Ruby_woo

Someone I grew up with recently had the courage to report her father for abusing her for years and she is the same age as me (41) and this abuse took place for 10 years until she was 16. Now there was no evidence to prove he did it but it went to crown court and he got 15 years.

If you want to report this now then please get unbiased advice before you do anything else. I honestly can't give you any advice but I wish you all the best whatever you do. If you go down the reporting to police road it will be a long journey, but MAYBE a shorter journey than if you don't.xx

Altuser

NAR wrote: »

Just a pity you didn't find the strength to come forward when the other family member did. I think if there is even the slightest chance that they will re-offend you need to go to the police and report your story. If they had any particular sexual preferences it may well be that your story will tie in with the story of the other family member that was abused.

I didnt know the family member had reported it until some years after. Although i would have been approx 10 - 12yrs i believe when they went to the police so i am sure i would not have been brave enough at that age to come forward especially as the person who did this to me was somebody i lived with.

Altuser

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I think there is no doubt whatsoever that this person offended before they preyed on you and has re-offended since. Abusers rarely stop abusing of their own volition.

What is it that you are thinking about achieving? Closure? Justice? Revenge?

If it's closure you're wanting then some counselling could help there but if it's revenge or wanting some form of justice you should consider all of the possible scenarios for fall-out that could result. These sorts of disclosures have resulted in the most terrible rifts in families.

I believe that you should think very, very carefully indeed about what you want to achieve and why.

That is a very good question. What do i want to achieve? I dont know if revenge is the right word but justice maybe yes. I suppose part of it maybe the thought of he is thinking he got away with everything, so much time has passed. Sorry i will have to think on that a bit more.

Altuser

whitewing wrote: »

Does this family member have any access to children or vulnerable adults nowadays? If so, or if you don't know, I think you should report it.

Of you don't want to walk into a police station just yet, why don't you ring 101 and speak to someone there who could perhaps guide you a little more on what may happen.

No he does not have any access to any children now.

What is 101? I have never heard of that. I will have to give it a google.

whitewing

If you are hoping that he will acknowledge the damage he has done by you reporting it, I haven't read a single 'sexual abuse - my story' kind of book where the abuser has ever admitted what they did was wrong.

101 is the non-emergency number for the police.

Altuser

bright_side wrote: »

The family member that did it to me died several years ago now, so I cannot comment on what I would do in your situation. I can say that, much as I NEED for my mum to know what happened to me, I decided a long time ago that it's something I could never reveal to her because, quite frankly, I think it would completely destroy her......whether she believed me or not. It would also do me more harm than good if she choose not to believe it.

I do have family members that I have told and a very dear friend, who is always ready to listen when it comes back to haunt me.

I would like to think that because your abuser has previously been accused, with your evidence as well, it should see a conviction.

Thankyou for sharing your story with me Sadly i think that my mum would know it was true but choose to disbelieve it.

I think part of my choosing to keep quiet for so long is because of worrying about her future. I know that will make no sense to people here but i dont want to disclose too many details.