Am I overreacting?

lufcgirl

Hi
Some of you may remember me from 18 months ago, I had a pretty bad break up and was feeling sorry for myself for a long time. Anyway a year or so ago, me and said ex became friends again and I now count her among my closest friends. Of course, part of me still does love her and I do push it to one side most of the time and concentrate on being a good friend. We have a blanket rule not to discuss relationships as it winds the other up, until today.

So, today I had a few missed calls on my phone from her and called back pretty much straight away. Asked where she was, as she sounded like she was on her way somewhere and she became evasive. Immediately I knew she was with someone new I wasn't supposed to know about. First thought was why on earth are you even calling me when you're with someone and how beeping insensitive. We ended up spending about twenty minutes arguing about it, as I would never dream of calling her whilst on a date, even if she is over our relationship as I find it inappropriate. She says it's my fault for asking where she was, and that I'm throwing a tantrum over nothing.

I know it's childish and a silly argument to have, but it actually hurts her doing that, it just seems so wrong. Am I in the right or should I just let it go and forget it? In the end I told her to enjoy her day and hung up.

Anyway thanks for reading, and yeah...again before anyone says it, I know we're children for arguing like this!

iwb100

Well, what did she ring you for?

lufcgirl

Absolutely nothing, she had rung for a chat. Which in itself is strange!

FBaby

You are not ready or able to have her as a friend. Sorry but it sounds like you need to forget about her and move on.

lufcgirl

FBaby wrote: »

You are not ready or able to have her as a friend. Sorry but it sounds like you need to forget about her and move on.

Absolutely agree with you! Thank you. If I didn't want to be friends.

Obviously that is the answer staring everyone in the face, but from my view, I do want to be friends and 99% of the time I am fine being friends. I'm not in love, I should have clarified that! I'm dating someone too and perfectly happy, the only reason I'm annoyed was today was shoved straight in my face where she was. Whereas yesterday when I was on a date...I didn't go calling her for a chat when my partner went to get another drink!

mummyroysof3

If it bothers you that she is on a day then you haven't got over her imo

Kayalana99

'shoved it straight in my face'

If your not in love with her and are with someone else why can't she tell you shes on a date? thats what friends do.

If you can't handle that don't be friends, what happens if she settles down can she never call you when her partner/husband is thier as its rubbing it in your face to?

In short to your question, yes.

lufcgirl

Kayalana99 wrote: »

'shoved it straight in my face'

If your not in love with her and are with someone else why can't she tell you shes on a date? thats what friends do.

If you can't handle that don't be friends, what happens if she settles down can she never call you when her partner/husband is thier as its rubbing it in your face to?

In short to your question, yes.

Oh of course she can! Last year we had a huge discussion about a girl that she was dating and I was there every day giving relationship advice and it didn't hurt or bother me in the slightest. And if she settles down and is happy then I am happy for her. I think what gets me is it's one rule for her and one for me. The only time I talked about someone I wasn't spoken to for a couple of weeks (this was in Feb).

If I am overreacting then fine, I accept that and thank you for your opinion. I'm not one of those people who won't listen to what people say at all on here, I wanted a genuine opinion and thank you for everyones!

System

lufcgirl wrote: »

Oh of course she can! Last year we had a huge discussion about a girl that she was dating and I was there every day giving relationship advice and it didn't hurt or bother me in the slightest. And if she settles down and is happy then I am happy for her. I think what gets me is it's one rule for her and one for me. The only time I talked about someone I wasn't spoken to for a couple of weeks (this was in Feb).

If I am overreacting then fine, I accept that and thank you for your opinion. I'm not one of those people who won't listen to what people say at all on here, I wanted a genuine opinion and thank you for everyones!

That sounds unfair for her to react that way.

Perhaps a chat is in order to go over what is ok and what isn't in your friendship?

Just so you know you're on the same page.

Kayalana99

If shes acting the same way beforehand then I would probally say your just both as bad as each other but in the same way you'd be less in the wrong as your only reacting how she reacts to you.

More so you are both acting like children and untill one of you or both of you grow up a real friendship is not possible.

pukkamum

Tbh I never think that being friends works I have seen many people try and it never ends well.
Generally when a relationship breaks down one wants it to end more than the other, hurtful things are said and done, and often one half of the couple is still in love.
To stay in contact only keeps feelings alive and to what end? More often than not the staying friends line comes from the person ending it to assuage their guilt and the other goes with it because they are still in love.
I had a relationship end where the chap wanted to stay friends, no way was my reply I have plenty friends and dont need a constant reminder of a failed relationship.
My advice end all contact cut all ties and move on.