Routine or No Routine?

chirpychick

Hi,
I don't think I have ever posted on this thread before.
I had my little boy In December so he is 18 weeks 3 days old. When he was about 6 weeks I started using Gina Fords contented baby book to help us establish some kind of routine because my husband nor I had really had much contact with babies and it helped us a lot to understand his needs.
It really helped within a week we felt a lot more able and in control.

* I must point out we never used controlled crying on him*

He has various allergies and reflux which has just been a nightmare!

I have 5 friends with babies all a few weeks older or a few weeks younger and they all tell me their babies sleep through the night and have been doing from 12 weeks old.
My little boy sleeps 7-10.30pm has a feed and then goes back to sleep 12-6/7am and this has ben great really and I have never pushed him to go through the night as I have always felt it was natural for babies to wake in the night.

BUT
Recently his sleeping has become so bad, he usually sleeps 9-9.45am nap and 12-2.15/2.30 nap and because he is awake so long at 10.30pm he still has a nap about 4.30-5pm. But I struggle to get him down for his 9am nap, he sometimes will be very sleepy and go at 11.30 or sometimes not until 1pm and at 5pm it is a struggle to get him to wake up.
The only notable difference between him and my friends babies is that he has been in this routine since he was 6 weeks and they "wing it".

I am so utterly exhausted that I have been thinking about letting him do what he wants nap wise during the day and see if he falls into his own routine? Perhaps sleep times wont be such hard work if i let him follow his own body clock? BUT at the same time, I know he is tired, he just seems to fight it. When I put him down he just screams and screams real tears and sweat from the distress soak him wet through and it is awful! It utterly breaks my heart.

Also he feeds 7, 11, 2.30, 6.15 and 10.30 but feeding is a real struggle and most of the time he doesn't drink what he is supposed to (today just over half so far) he has gone from 91st centile to 60th and i have seen the GP and HV he is on medication and prescription formula. I have even started weaning him early and he does like food like baby rice but I am now wondering whether he would feed easier if i just let him do what he wants, maybe more bottles with shorter intervals or something?

I just feel a bit lost.

We tried 5 years to have a baby and were told it would never happen, he is such a calm, content and happy baby except and sleep and feed times and I just want him to be happier during those times.
People are always saying how chilled out he is so i feel i must be doing something right.
He is amazing and I love him so much I just want to make sure im doing the right thing.

So could anyone possibly give me any advice?
Do I carry on in the routine or wing it and see what happens?

Thanking you kindly in advance

Kayalana99

Every baby is differnet dont have much advice except we just 'winged' it and now baby sleeps from 8pm to 8am...when they are little they just need more milk so wake up in the night, he is 7 n half months now and I think he stopped his 1am feed about 6months when we started him on soilds full time and he is like clockwork now...where as before we had some nights he would be laughing away at 11pm and others he was down for 6pm lol...

But I say we just kind of left him to it...when he was little you couldn't stop him falling asleep and if you woke him up mid sleep you got told off to say the least!!!

Good luck :-)

Ruby_woo

Oh darling

I can't offer any advice on new methods of parenting as my son is now 17 but your post made me remember as if it were yesterday the trauma that comes with the feeding of a new baby. It's so hard but please if nothing else remember "this too will pass" soon enough he will be eating you out of house and home. Having said that the feeding bit was hard for me to understand. I never felt he was feeding enough.

Sleep wise, if it were me...I would maybe try for the next two weeks a routine of letting him sleep as he wants to..then if that doesn't work then for the two week period after try him on a more structured sleep routine. I feel that the same applies though, this too will pass.

I do feel for you though. Enjoy him he will grow so fast xx

CL

DD2 was born 1 week before your DS and with her (as with DD1) I just let them fall into a routine by themselves. I'm breastfeeding and DD2 still only does about 4 hours between feeds. She has been going into her cot for the night at about 8pm and was doing a feed about 12.30 ish and 4am then up at 7.30am, so in the last week I've introduced a little formula at bedtime on top of the breastfeed and she's doing a 7 hour stretch (most nights) so feeding at 3am.

DD1 was the same and when I introduced solids at just before 6 months, she started sleeping 12 hours, without a peep. She's a great sleeper now at 2 years old and I just know with DD2 that the end is in sight.

Babies are all different, but I've found that a lot of mothers who say their 12 week old babies sleeps through the night are being a little economical with the truth, and their babies may do it sometimes, but always sleeping through at that age is uncommon.

I wish mothers wouldn't feel the need to compete about who has the "best" baby, and would be honest and say it's hard work sometimes. It makes people feel a bit better when they know they aren't the only sleep deprived ones and that what they are going through is normal and will end sooner or later.

I'm knackered too, if it makes you feel better, but you do get used to functioning on little sleep.

Congratulations on the little miracle, by the way.

balletshoes

I winged it as far as my baby napping during the day - I let her sleep when she fell asleep.

She was never an early-to-bed and sleep all night baby, I learned with her that if I put her to bed at around 8.30pm she'd settle down and sleep right through til next morning, but any earlier than that and she'd be up in the night.

Don't worry about sticking rigidly to routines with your baby, they are at their most portable at your little one's age, so maybe go with the flow a little more in the daytime .

chirpychick

thanks so much for the reassurance!
I think I will stick to his 7pm bedtime routine but perhaps be a bit more guided by him in the daytime for a little while and see how he is I guess it can't really get worse LOL!
I went to my MIL's today and she had laid loads of clothes on her bed for me (she had 4 wardrobes and had a clear out) I caught sight of myself in the mirror and was a little horrified. I look awful, white as a sheet and really exhausted.
I told hubby I was feeling this way and he offered to take a day off work bless him but I've said I will give this a go and then see how we get on but perhaps he can let me lay in on the saturdays (he is quite good but could do a little more to help out and has said he will)
It's just nice to know this is normal, I mean don't get me wrong, I never expected it to be easy but I felt like something must have been terribly wrong if all these babies were sleeping through and he isn't. I feel much better now!

lollipopsarah

aw you poor darling, you are not alone, my daughter is going through it too, I hope you don't mind if I share your posting with her.
As for routine, yes it's a good thing but not so soon, just go along with it and be kind to yourself.
Please when baby sleeps during the day, grab a nap yourself, and don't worry about the "cleaning" - baby won't be bothered it you haven't hoovered.
btw sometimes it is good to have a good slam bang hoovering session just to let of steam, only to find baby fast asleep when you finish.
best wishes and hugs.
xx

neneromanova

Its the worst isn't it when people say oh my baby sleeps through at 6 weeks, such a good baby, when I was there still at 5 months, breastfeeding DD2 in the middle of the night. Then I found out that they gave a formula bottle with a little bit of rusk mashed into it (Don't get me started about that) So that was why they were sleeping through. The moment she turned 6 months I started bottle feeding her, the little wotsit slept right through.

I would just stick to what you are doing now. It's obviously working for your little guy, if he's only waking at those times during the night. Ignore what everyone else says about their child. Just smile politely and say "that's nice".

Motherhood does really take it out of you in the first few months though so most of us can sympathise with you.

Try Roping you OH into a morning feed (if you're bottlefeeding) so you can get a lovely lie in on the weekends

BAGGY

I second the 'sleeping through the night' lies. I took that to mean 7pm to 7am but no child does that at that young age. I am sure the parents mean they put their little one to bed at midnight and they wake at 5am. I think my twins were nearly a year before I got 10 hours sleep from them. We used to dream feed my smaller twin as he never took enough milk last thing. It is such a blur now as they are 5 but we always put them to bed at 7pm and have rarely deviated from then (with the exception of holidays etc). A night routine is the only way with twins I think but we definitely winged it during the day.
Good luck

Gillyx

4 month sleep regression, google it, and it may help shed some light on why the sleep has gone haywire.

My little one didn't sleep through until around 6.5 months. Hugs it's not easy xx

Edit: we didn't do any sort of routine, we just let him fall into his own, we had intolerance and reflux here so had to feed little and often x

kettlefish

My little girl didn't sleep through until 5 months ... and here I use the medical defintition of "sleeping through" ie sleeping for a stretch of 5-6 hours at a time. She didn't start going 12 hours until much, much later. All I can suggest is getting rest in the daytime when you can.

My DD also dropped centiles - from above the 75th at birth to around 25th now she's 18 months. We had times when she only put on 3 or 4oz in a month. At the end of the day, if your little one is content and alert between feeds, weeing and pooing plenty and gaining weight (even if slowly) then generally everything's ok. You may want to ask HV to measure length as it may just be him balancing himself out. Weight is not a competition to be the biggest baby and for every baby above the 50th centile there is a baby below it... that's just how averages work I'm afraid! Obviously keep in touch with HV if you are worried.

As an aside, because people were always banging on about DD still being up to feed in the night I just started fibbing - when she was around 12 weeks I started saying she slept through to get them off my back. So, bear in mind your friends may not be being 100% honest!

Now she is a toddler I really miss those lovely moments cuddled up and feeding / rocking her to sleep while the world was silent.