Help with budgeting for May?

falko89

The problem is although we are on the breadline, we live in a quite well of area so certain things become standard and you stick out like a sore thumb if you don't comply with the standard.

Like its my daughters birthday next month, in my day birthday parties never really happened or at least for me they didn't, but every other weekend my kids have a party to go to and its usually at an adventure playground or the like so my kids expect the same, my daughters only 6, we could do something here and invite the kids from her class but my wife doesn't want the parents around as they all live in big fancy houses etc we as we live in a battered old semi and have no heating as we can't afford the oil. We could do nothing but then my kids have payed out £10's every other weekends as presents to other kids so they should at least get it back, and my daughter still needs some sort of present.

As for the nephew/godson his parents are always over generous to us despite her not working and the husband also is on a min wage job, so the mind boggles as to how they can afford it. The gave my son £100 for his 1st holy communion last year so we need to reciprocate.

My mother is different, she would be happy with some of your suggestions mentioned above, although money doesn't seem to be an object with my parents they are grateful for any little thing, its the thought that counts with them.

As for saving our emergency fund its gobbled up with these parties and the likes.

I put new tyres on our car at Xmas so I am hoping after all the work last year it should just need oil and filters changed.

gizmo111

So how much money have you got to spend on these things?
Not ideal - but you can drop the DMP payment for May to cover the car expenses.
Post up your budget actual spend and SC budget and see where the difference is.

R_P_W

falko89 wrote: »

The problem is although we are on the breadline, we live in a quite well of area so certain things become standard and you stick out like a sore thumb if you don't comply with the standard.

Like its my daughters birthday next month, in my day birthday parties never really happened or at least for me they didn't, but every other weekend my kids have a party to go to and its usually at an adventure playground or the like so my kids expect the same, my daughters only 6, we could do something here and invite the kids from her class but my wife doesn't want the parents around as they all live in big fancy houses etc we as we live in a battered old semi and have no heating as we can't afford the oil. We could do nothing but then my kids have payed out £10's every other weekends as presents to other kids so they should at least get it back, and my daughter still needs some sort of present.

As for the nephew/godson his parents are always over generous to us despite her not working and the husband also is on a min wage job, so the mind boggles as to how they can afford it. The gave my son £100 for his 1st holy communion last year so we need to reciprocate.

My mother is different, she would be happy with some of your suggestions mentioned above, although money doesn't seem to be an object with my parents they are grateful for any little thing, its the thought that counts with them.

As for saving our emergency fund its gobbled up with these parties and the likes.

I put new tyres on our car at Xmas so I am hoping after all the work last year it should just need oil and filters changed.

But by your own admission you CANNOT afford it!

harrys_dad

falko89 wrote: »

The problem is although we are on the breadline, we live in a quite well of area so certain things become standard and you stick out like a sore thumb if you don't comply with the standard.


As for saving our emergency fund its gobbled up with these parties and the likes.

I can understand how you feel from what happens with my grandchildren, but you may just have to accept that "you stick out like a sore thumb", and may be surprised how many of the other parents are also feeling the pinch. £10 per present is actually quite excessive in my view, and you could easily find presents for less than this. I also understand that you feel it is your daughter's "turn" and do not want her to miss out.

A couple of suggestions to keep costs down if you have to have a party. Find the cheapest school hall to hire (often your own daughter's school will be very cheap) and provide the cheapest party food you can find, (make it at home and involve your children) plus organised games, and an iPod dovk or similar for music if you have one or can borrow one. Make a note of who gives what present, and save at least half of them for "re-gifting" to save you all those £10 for future party gifts. The list makes sure you do not give the gift back to the person who gave it to you. My daughter does this and it works well.

In the long term however the only way you can avoid people finding out you may be poorer than them is to try to keep up with their lifestyle and "standard", and this will lead you to bankruptcy. If they are the sort of people who are bothered by how much money you have and what sort of house you live in they are not worth bothering with. Similarly, explain to your children that you may not have as much money as some of their friends' parents, but they are loved at least as much if not more than anyone. They will understand.

debtfree*wannabee*

....definitely a month to get creative! I empathise with you on the pressure of trying to keep up social and family niceties but they are not priorities and it would be good if you could stand firm and break the pattern. I used to use CCs to buy gifts, meals, wine, etc when I couldn't afford it.

I love giving small gifts that I have either made or picked up in charity shops. I am also a great believer in "regifting" items I no longer need. I have been given jewellery from friends in this way and also CDs and books and have now done the same myself without apology.

I am lucky in that I can sew and make things. I also write. For one family wedding I wrote a poem and was thrilled to be asked to read it as part of the ceremony. No expense to me but a priceless gift to them.

I love getting handmade gifts and drawings and also photos of nieces and nephews.

I also enjoy finding quirky things in pound shops especially for kids. My brother was stunned at the Halloween cupcake stand I brought to a party that was much admired but cost me £1.

How about hosting a picnic for your daughter's birthday in a local park if we get some decent weather. Ask people to bring something. Make it a teddy bear's picnic and play games.

Re your nephew/godson. How about seeing if he has a savings account you could put a small amount in regularly if that is important to you. I would do this for my godson.

Buying stuff is easy. Anyone with money and CCs can do that. Be original and have fun!

iwannastopworrying

Hi - I sympathise, but at least you are thinking ahead and not leaving it until May. If it were me, I would prioritise like this:

1 - car costs - if the MOT is more than you think, could the garage be paid over 3 months, maybe?

2 - daughters birthday - I've just done a sleepover for my daughter (turning 7) - she had 5 friends over, did homemade pizza, nail varnishing etc and a DVD. Bought white tshirts from ebay (£1.50 each) and fabric crayons and they decorated their "nighties", and took them home in the morning instead of a party bag. Cheap and easy and the girls loved it.

3 - nephew's communion - tricky one, especially as they gave you £100 for yours, but you do not have to follow their example - you cannot afford to. Why don't you print out 5 nice home made vouchers for special days out for you and your nephew, one to be cashed in each year? Gives them something to look forward to and means you can spend as much as your budget can cope with each year. Nicer than giving cash, too, I think.

4 - Brothers wedding - buy a rose - you can get one called "wedding Day" for around a tenner - and give them a voucher for special meal cooked by you, to be cashed in when they get back from honeymoon. (you could do a curry or something, but make it nice with atmosphere etc)

5 - Other family b'days etc - again, use the voucher thing for whatever is appropriate - jobs around the house, babysitting etc.

You are doing the right thing by prioritising. Don't give into the social pressure of needing to spend money - your family must take priority over everything else.

Good luck!

katy_ann

iwannastopworrying wrote: »

Hi - I sympathise, but at least you are thinking ahead and not leaving it until May. If it were me, I would prioritise like this:

1 - car costs - if the MOT is more than you think, could the garage be paid over 3 months, maybe?

2 - daughters birthday - I've just done a sleepover for my daughter (turning 7) - she had 5 friends over, did homemade pizza, nail varnishing etc and a DVD. Bought white tshirts from ebay (£1.50 each) and fabric crayons and they decorated their "nighties", and took them home in the morning instead of a party bag. Cheap and easy and the girls loved it.

3 - nephew's communion - tricky one, especially as they gave you £100 for yours, but you do not have to follow their example - you cannot afford to. Why don't you print out 5 nice home made vouchers for special days out for you and your nephew, one to be cashed in each year? Gives them something to look forward to and means you can spend as much as your budget can cope with each year. Nicer than giving cash, too, I think.

4 - Brothers wedding - buy a rose - you can get one called "wedding Day" for around a tenner - and give them a voucher for special meal cooked by you, to be cashed in when they get back from honeymoon. (you could do a curry or something, but make it nice with atmosphere etc)

5 - Other family b'days etc - again, use the voucher thing for whatever is appropriate - jobs around the house, babysitting etc.

You are doing the right thing by prioritising. Don't give into the social pressure of needing to spend money - your family must take priority over everything else.

Good luck!

Just to say, I LOVE that t-shirt/nightie designing idea, brilliant and very MSE!! x

Heffi1

When I realised that my money difficulties were not going to go away overnight, i told everyone in the family and a few close friends that I was struggling, and for the foreseeable future I would not be gifting to them, also I told them not to buy me gifts either as i would feel obliged to buy a gift in return and I could not afford it, so this way it meant I did not have to upset anyone again by not buying gifts that were usually not needed, but expected.

This has gone on for 5 years now and not one person has complained or objected and a few have even thanked me because they no longer need to worry about getting me something.

Most people I know are struggling, but it felt good to finally say I am not doing this anymore, not because I don't want to, but because I cannot afford it.

I had one person who said that I was being mean, so I said to her, if that is the case I will get you a gift, if you will buy my weekly groceries as the money can only be spent on one of them, so if you want a gift it will mean my family may go hungry, but if you are happy with that then that is fine by me. She backed down and agreed with me that it was a sensible suggestion after all.

I realise that not everyone can be as bare faced as I was, but I felt I was being held to ransom buying things for people that I really should not have been.

Oops that went on a bit - sorry :-)

falko89

Heffi1 wrote: »

When I realised that my money difficulties were not going to go away overnight, i told everyone in the family and a few close friends that I was struggling, and for the foreseeable future I would not be gifting to them, also I told them not to buy me gifts either as i would feel obliged to buy a gift in return and I could not afford it, so this way it meant I did not have to upset anyone again by not buying gifts that were usually not needed, but expected.

This has gone on for 5 years now and not one person has complained or objected and a few have even thanked me because they no longer need to worry about getting me something.

Most people I know are struggling, but it felt good to finally say I am not doing this anymore, not because I don't want to, but because I cannot afford it.

I had one person who said that I was being mean, so I said to her, if that is the case I will get you a gift, if you will buy my weekly groceries as the money can only be spent on one of them, so if you want a gift it will mean my family may go hungry, but if you are happy with that then that is fine by me. She backed down and agreed with me that it was a sensible suggestion after all.

I realise that not everyone can be as bare faced as I was, but I felt I was being held to ransom buying things for people that I really should not have been.

Oops that went on a bit - sorry :-)

Thats sounds like an excellent idea, I'd love to do away with presents all together its all a lot of pressure we don't need, I wouldn't care but 90% of what we and kids get as presents is crap we don't need.

Jonesy88

PHOTOS!

That is my money saving idea. Do you have any nice pics on your phone or camera? if so you can get them printed out for 10p and get a charity shop/cheap frame? Even better dig out some long forgotten old ones already printed out.

This idea could work for:

1 - My mothers birthday
4 - Her brothers wedding
5 - My wifes birthday
9 - Godsons/Nephews 1st Holy Communion

Take your time and pick a photo with meaning. The gift then has a large "thoughtfulness" value rather than a monetary one. Ie for the wedding you could find a lovely picture of when the couple were first going out or 1 they havent seen before? For the communion you could make a scrapbook and only fill the first page, saying its something to be filled out and kept as he grows up?