Ex partner child access court case

RAS

Troutwrestler

He may be doing this to punish you; by getting you to spend money on legal support, making you spend time defending the actions and generally getting at you.

Next time can you ask the judge to get him classed as a vexatious litigant and get the case struck out instead of defending it.

Also check whether you have to have a lawyer present at the court as it would be cheaper to represent yourself (explain that he gets free legal aid and you cannot afford to waste money needed to bring up DD on lawyers.)

Troutwrestler

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Sounds like he is doing it to make you pay money out, kind of a passive aggressive thing, usually the wanting parent picks up and the parent the child goes home to picks up at the end of visitation, has this never happened in your case?

No, never happened, as when he drops her off on a Sunday he is passing our house to drop his gf off at work so he is passing anyway. The 3 times I have taken her to him, once he just wasn't in and didn't answer, 2 nd time he was late home and made us wait outside for an hour and 3rd time he had changed his mind and we had to come home again. It sounds bad but if he picks her up then it's his choice and not a wasted journey, it's all some sort of game to him.

POPPYOSCAR

Troutwrestler wrote: »

Yes, also that he wants every second weekend. Which he was getting. Hence why the case has been paused. He was told he picks her up and sees her on his weekends. He doesn't do this then tries to go back to court, my solicitor fails to see why he is doing this but he is. And it's costly and stressful for me. And in no way benefits my child.

This to me is an abuse of the legal aid system and shame on his solicitor who is allowing him to do this. If the court are telling him he has to pick and up and he is not how can he go back to court?If he is saying that you will not let him pick her up arrange for her to be collected from somewhere neutral where you will have a witness.

Have you had a word with your solicitor on how he is being allowed to do this on legal aid?

I have experience of someone being allowed to use the legal aid system to write the most trivial of letters via a solicitor when the other person could not get legal aid. When it was queried how they were able to get legal aid it turned out they had not put their partner down which would have meant they were not entitled to it.

A quiet word from one solicitor to the other put a stop to this.

zzzLazyDaisy

Sadly I have known a few cases where the absent parent has deliberately manipulated the court system in this way - just because they can - I have even heard some of those parents open boast that they get legal aid and their OH is having to pay legal fees - 'and that will show her' (or words to that effect).

Just to show balance - I also know of cases where the father has had to go to court to obtain a contact order which the mother then has not complied with, and has still got legal aid for representation in a further contact application by the father (who has to pay for legal representation). Some people are just manipulative.

For the OP, from this month it will become much more difficult for him to get legal aid, and hopefully this will put a stop to his antics

http://www.barcanwoodward.co.uk/how-will-changes-to-legal-aid-services-affect-your-family/

POPPYOSCAR

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Sadly I have known a few cases where the absent parent has deliberately manipulated the court system in this way - just because they can - I have even heard some of those parents open boast that they get legal aid and their OH is having to pay legal fees - 'and that will show her' (or words to that effect).

Just to show balance - I also know of cases where the father has had to go to court to obtain a contact order which the mother then has not complied with, and has still got legal aid for representation in a further contact application by the father (who has to pay for legal representation). Some people are just manipulative.

For the OP, from this month it will become much more difficult for him to get legal aid, and hopefully this will put a stop to his antics

http://www.barcanwoodward.co.uk/how-will-changes-to-legal-aid-services-affect-your-family/

Am I reading it correctly?

It does say that any application already in force by 1/4/13 is unaffected.

zzzLazyDaisy

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Am I reading it correctly?

It does say that any application already in force by 1/4/13 is unaffected.

Yes, that's true. So his LA won't be removed for the current proceedings on the basis of the change in the law (though if he behaves unreasonably or refuses to comply with court orders, he may lose the legal aid anyway).

What I really meant was that, in the future, he will not find it as easy to get legal aid, so this should stop his antics in making repeat applications.

EDIT - apologies, I had missed the point that OP is in Scotland. As far as I know the changes only apply to England and Wales. Sorry OP, you will need to ask your solicitor if there are similar changes afoot for Scotland.

mazza111

Troutwrestler wrote: »

There really is no need for that rude response!!
He was "allowed" to see his daughter whenever he didn't want to go to the pub. Or spend time playing computer games.
I suggested every second weekend and one night during the week. He turned down the during the week visit, as it meant he had to get up early to take her to school. He then failed to see her for 4 months, and took me to court as I was stopping him? No I'm just not chasing him or transporting her to and from his house, I don't drive he does.
He thought and still does that by continually trying to take me to court he will be able to force me to get 3 buses to his house instead of having to drive which he as been told, he has to do. It's his job to pick her up and drop her off. My disibility makes public transport very difficult. He only lives 6 miles away, but there are no direct buses, so it would take me 3 buses to get to him.He also seems desperate for a piece of paper to tell him when he can see his daughter.
He has since we agreed on every second weekend changed his mind 8 times in 9 months, having his daughter affects his social life.

So,perhaps some of you should think before you post and paint me as something I'm not.


I should add, before I'm accused of being some sort of bunny boiling manipulative ex. I suggested he see his daughter at Xmas and on her birthday, it's only right after all. He turned down those offers, as he was busy. I'm more than reasonable.
I was simply asking how long the tax payer are going to continue to fund his little game. I wasn't asking for accusations .

I've been there with my x hon. This is the kind of sht he used to pull. Keep your cool. Don't lose it. Don't bad mouth him in front of your child. The day will come when your child will see him for what he is. We've slowly been reaching this point for the past few years, kids being hurt by his words and actions, but I've remained silent and bit my tongue in front of them. The final straw that broke the camel's back came last night. Now none of my kids (although young adults now) never want to see him again, think all the hurt and now theft has now came to a head. I'm here picking up the pieces yet again, but at least they know I will always be here for them. Just as your child will know that too.

I done all the same things, even inviting him round for xmas dinner so he could see the kids. In the end, I gave up trying. I was the one who had to do all the driving to drop them off etc, even though he was a 5 minute walk from the school. I've actively encouraged the kids to see him all throughout their childhood, but now they are young adults, I don't need to. It's up to them now

So no advice as such, other than to keep your dignity.

Troutwrestler

mazza111 wrote: »

I've been there with my x hon. This is the kind of sht he used to pull. Keep your cool. Don't lose it. Don't bad mouth him in front of your child. The day will come when your child will see him for what he is. We've slowly been reaching this point for the past few years, kids being hurt by his words and actions, but I've remained silent and bit my tongue in front of them. The final straw that broke the camel's back came last night. Now none of my kids (although young adults now) never want to see him again, think all the hurt and now theft has now came to a head. I'm here picking up the pieces yet again, but at least they know I will always be here for them. Just as your child will know that too.

I done all the same things, even inviting him round for xmas dinner so he could see the kids. In the end, I gave up trying. I was the one who had to do all the driving to drop them off etc, even though he was a 5 minute walk from the school. I've actively encouraged the kids to see him all throughout their childhood, but now they are young adults, I don't need to. It's up to them now

So no advice as such, other than to keep your dignity.

I would never bad mouth him to my daughter, although she is now 11 and starting to form her own opinions, he doesn't particularly like that either
It's just so difficult when he can play the victim and demand this that and the next thing, without putting in any effort whatsoever.
On his last visit my daughter became unwell, he demanded I come home from my friends house, and get her as he was "not dealing with this"... That to me is not parenting. Of course I came home and got my child but you can't pick and chose when you want to participate and then use the court system as a hobby....:mad:...sorry rant over.

Thanks for everyone's advice

mazza111

Troutwrestler wrote: »

I would never bad mouth him to my daughter, although she is now 11 and starting to form her own opinions, he doesn't particularly like that either
It's just so difficult when he can play the victim and demand this that and the next thing, without putting in any effort whatsoever.
On his last visit my daughter became unwell, he demanded I come home from my friends house, and get her as he was "not dealing with this"... That to me is not parenting. Of course I came home and got my child but you can't pick and chose when you want to participate and then use the court system as a hobby....:mad:...sorry rant over.

Thanks for everyone's advice

Totally understand that hon, my x was exactly the same. In fact, he would still try it if I let him. It's a control game. He still can't get over the fact that he can't control me any more You keep your chin up, you'll come through the other side a much stronger person x

DUTR

Troutwrestler wrote: »

Grow up? As in look after my child day in day out. Support her emotionally and financially like I'm supposed to.
Or play games with the legal system, pay nothing for my child and continually let her down all whilst playing the victim.

I know who I think needs to grow up and it's not me.

Thank you so much however for your words of advice. But I suggest you stick them somewhere unpleasant

You never answered the simple question though, if the access is available , then on what basis is there a court case etc ongoing? No need to get on the defensive, from what you have typed in the original post it does seem to me that both parents need to grow up, I'm not taking a side or attacking you, not sure why so many of you cannot see that? Oh it's always the bloke's fault and Mum knows best