Advice please my husband has left

Thegirl

Sorry to hear of your situation.

www.wikivorce.com is a mine of good information and support.

As for grounds for divorce, as has been said you can divorce for unreasonable behaviour. You can also list the relationship with the other woman, him leaving to live with her and anything else that crops up. They just need to see the relationship has broken down. he can contest if he wants, but it will cost him money and he has left so you can but hope he would at least do a decent thing and sign. Incidentally he doesn't have to agree with the reasons (after all for most of us it may well be a pack of lies or some home truths that are listed, neither of which we might appreciate) but he can still agree to the divorce on the grounds he agrees the relationship has broken down.

Concerning the house, approach your current lender to check if they will lend to just you and what their charges are for taking his name off of the mortgage and any penalty charges for moving to another mortgage company. Then see a financial advisor to see what else is on the market and available to you.

Concerning access to the house, whilst he is on the mortgage he has a right of access. Admittedly after he's been gone six months and then two years there are slight differences as you have rights to privacy that kind of kick in, but you need the mortgage sorted. It's not fair, but it is right as of the last time I checked with a solicitor (which was Christmas by the way, I live with my husband and we are separated).

Bank account, you need all your savings and income in an account in just your name that only you can access.

There are three parts to a divorce if you have children. The divorce, the consent order (which deals with finances-you want a clean break agreement as it means he has no further claim on you-if you cannot get him off of the mortgage the consent order can deal with what will happen with the house) and the children. If no children then all you need to worry about are the divorce and the consent order. I say all you need to worry about, it's not a 'that's all' situation. It's crap, horrid, shocking, stressful, upsetting, depressing, disappointing....the list goes on. But you will manage.

Big hugs.

beckysbobbles1

I'm so sorry to hear your situation OP. I think you've received some very good advice.

As others have said I think you have grounds for divorce but don't feel like you need to rush things.

Your house is very important and if you can afford to have the mortgage in just your name, then I do recommend getting this action sooner rather than later.

You'll need to go to your mortgage provider and submitt a whole new mortgage application. If you are on a fixed rate then often they will be able to 'transfer' this rate over with little additional fees. But sometimes they do not allow any changes within the fixed period without paying an early repayment charge.

Although you have a few financial things to deal with. Please make sure you look after yourself. Speak to people that care about you and allow yourself time to understand what is going on.

tayforth

In_shock wrote: »

Hi

My husband of 8 years has just left after previously leaving a week before and then changing his mind and coming back to try

I don't know what to do first he says that I can have the house he agrees to have his name taken off the mortgage and says he doesn't want a pay out to be fair there would not be much if any equity as we bought in the boom and have a high interest mortgage. I would estimate at best 3-4K am I right in thinking that you split it in half so 1-2K??

He is not currently saying he wants to come back but should it not work out with his new partner I think he might where do I stand with that if his name is not off the mortgage as I would be surprised if that is a quick job ?

After he has taken all his belongings can I change the locks???

He had a an affair and when I found out he admitted it but I have no evidence so could not get a divorce.....would it be ok to just stay married....or does this have implications for me???

Can anyone advice on the above????

OK, before I say anything else, have a massive hug and be kind to yourself.

Firstly, don't do anything until you've taken some proper legal and financial advice. If you bought during the boom, you may be in negative equity. So no offering him money for his share of the equity when there is none. It would need to be independently valued.

Also, think about how much you actually want to stay in the house and whether you can afford it on your own. Do you want to be saddled with thousands of pounds' worth of NE and be unable to move if you wanted to?

Secondly, the rest of your post makes it clear that you are still in shock. You know deep down that you deserve better than this, and that you should just say 'good riddance' and never take him back, even if it doesn't work out with his bit on the side. I know, that's easy for me to say. But it's true. So hold your head high for now and don't think too much beyond the present.

Have you got friends and family who would help/support you?

How are you feeling today?

In_shock

Thank you for all your responses....you are right I should not take him back as he will just do it again.

I have an appointment with the mortgage lenders...the part about him still being allowed access to the house is very concerning as he has a temper and has on occasions been aggressive towards me. I think I will be able to afford the house on my own so should be ok.

Hopefully he will be happy where he is and not bother trying to come back.....I am concerned as I go on holiday in 10 days and the house will be empty and I don't want to come back to find him moved back in!

I'll try and get the free half an hour with a solicitor.

I am feeling a full range of emotions and it changes from one minute to the next I am sad, then angry, then lonely and anxious.

I have told my friends and family now I didn't at first as I just felt so ashamed......I got married to feel more secure but I suppose nothing will stop someone cheating/leaving.

tayforth

Oh, well done on telling your friends and family. And being so proactive with the lender and solicitor. You should be proud of yourself.

Re the empty house, could someone keep an eye on it for you while you're away?

I'm going through something similar atm (different scenario but same outcome) so am also feeling different emotions all the time. Feel free to PM me if you want xx

neverdespairgirl

In_shock wrote: »

I have told my friends and family now I didn't at first as I just felt so ashamed......I got married to feel more secure but I suppose nothing will stop someone cheating/leaving.

You have done nothing to be ashamed of, nothing at all.

But it's great you will have the support of your Mum / sisters / cousins / friends (delete as appropriate)