Advice please my husband has left

In_shock

Hi

My husband of 8 years has just left after previously leaving a week before and then changing his mind and coming back to try

I don't know what to do first he says that I can have the house he agrees to have his name taken off the mortgage and says he doesn't want a pay out to be fair there would not be much if any equity as we bought in the boom and have a high interest mortgage. I would estimate at best 3-4K am I right in thinking that you split it in half so 1-2K??

He is not currently saying he wants to come back but should it not work out with his new partner I think he might where do I stand with that if his name is not off the mortgage as I would be surprised if that is a quick job ?

After he has taken all his belongings can I change the locks???

He had a an affair and when I found out he admitted it but I have no evidence so could not get a divorce.....would it be ok to just stay married....or does this have implications for me???

Can anyone advice on the above????

go_cat

He seems to be trying to have the best of both worlds you and his bit on the side

Get a bank account in your name only and transfer any salary , child benefit if applicable into it

More importantly take charge of this situation and don't let him do what he wants

Netwizard

While I cant help with any of the financial stuff, im amazed to hear you say he may return if it doesnt work out with his current partner!!

Dont allow yourself to become a doormat. He cant have his cake and eat it, expecting to be welcomed back by you when things go tits up with his new woman!!

Make him pack his stuff, throw his !!!! out and start divorce proceedings. Quite why you would want to stay married to someone who has cheated on you is beyond me!

Excited13

Couple of things first as someone has suggested make sure your wages go into an account only you have access to. Also transfer any of your savings which may be held in a joint account.

In relation to the mortgage you will need to speak to the provider to see if they would offer you a mortgage on your own as unfortunately it isn't as easy as just taking someones name off it. If you can you need to get him to fill in the correct forms and inform lang registry office.

I'm so sorry but keep your friends and family close and don't bottle stuff up. Good luck.

marisco_2

In_shock wrote: »

He had a an affair and when I found out he admitted it but I have no evidence so could not get a divorce.....would it be ok to just stay married....or does this have implications for me???

Can anyone advice on the above????

You come across as being in a deep state of shock OP unsurprisingly.

If you really want to stay married to a man who has cheated on you then that is entirely your choice. I am guessing you are asking this due to having a certain faith maybe? If that is not the case then I question why you would not want to divorce him. Respect yourself, dump him, move on and when you feel ready to, find a real man who will love you as you deserve to be loved.

At the moment he is walking all over you and treating you like dirt. No one who loves or cares for someone treats them with such blatant contempt. You deserve way better than this.

As regards to the financial side of things contact a solicitor and get everything sewn up legally. If you two are still on talking terms then agreeing how assets will be split in advance of seeing a solicitor will reduce costs and time.

OP is there a friend or family member who you can call to ask to come over and support you? I hate to think of you alone right now and so upset. Take care.

[Deleted User]

First of all seek a solicitors advice. Even though he wants his name off the mortgage, can you afford to take over the mortgage? You will have to proove this with the mortgage company. If both names are on the mortgage then you both have to come to an agreement with who pays what. The deeds are important as well, whether you decide/can afford to keep the house, if you do, get the deeds changed into your name then he cant come after the property at a later date. You cant change the locks as he is still entitled to come in as its his home as well as yours (unfair i know). If he gets nasty, you can get an injunction against him entering the house. Do you have any children? As the other posters have said, dont let him use you the way he is now, he made his choice by doing what he has done. Hard as it is, (and I know from personal experience) best you move on quickly. Think about yourself, after all hes thought of only himself.

Yorkie1

Sorry to hear this.

On the mortgage issue, the lender will need to agree that he can take his name off the mortgage. This will involve them assessing whether you can pay it alone on their affordability figures. If you can't afford to pay it, then they are unlikely to release him and he will have to stay on it for the time being.

thorsoak

{{HUGS}} for a start!

First things first ....would you REALLY want him back if it doesn't "work out" with his new partner???? A second string to his bow?????

You are worth far more than that!

You do not have to have "proof" before getting a divorce under circumstances such as these - he has committed adultery and admitted it - which means that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

I would suggest that before agreeing to anything with your errant husband you consult a good divorce lawyer who will set out exactly what the legal position is that you are in.

With all best wishes - you are worth more than this worthless marriage.

Egypt191

It's really raw at the moment, but you deserve to be treated better than that.

As far as the financial side of things etc.. Most solicitors offer at least the first 1/2 hour free so you can gauge an idea, this may be your best bet cause marital percentage splits vary.

Unfortunately though you can't change the locks as you jointly own the property, again another reason to speak to a solicitor.

Finally, you can't divorce on the grounds of adultery unless the person is named, but you can divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, I would say you've got grounds, it's just how you feel now.
Take care.

joepubli

Hello OP. Very sorry to hear of your troubles.
You need to provide a little more information for sensible suggestions. Along the lines of:

1. Do you have children - what ages?
2. Do both of you have jobs - approx. salaries.
3. Are your savings in joint names?
4. How much savings are in your name?
5. Are there significant debts other than mortgage - if so in whose name.

Re divorce, these days you do not have to prove fault. Courts no longer make people stay together. "Unreasonable behavior" is a common ground and I'd be surprised if your H challenged that.

If you have children, its most unlikely a Court would require you to move out of the house. 8 years is quite a long marriage and depending on your respective earnings you may be entitled to maintenance.

scaredy_cat

you can talk to the Citizen's Advice or there is this site -
https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/categories/divorce-and-separation