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Best Estate Agent euphemisms
Comments
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Some Aussie favourites (favourites of the EA copywriters, that is):
Executive Entertainer
More Than Meets The Eye!
Owner Meets Market
Blue Chip Opportunity
Motivated Vendor!
An Entertainer's Oasis
Must Sell Today
Living Comfortably on the Edge
Knock on the door to Envy
Owners Instructions are Clear, MUST SELL!!!
Unimaginable Rental Return Or Live In And Enjoy..
An Entertainer's Dream Abode!
"The things you take for granted somebody else is praying for." - Morgan Freeman0 -
Haart have put our last rental property up as 'Star Quality'
I beg to differ. Thiers damp on top of the stairs for a start (its a very high ceiling so we couldnt even wipe it down)
Not to mention the fence built at the back of the garden about a meter inwards...and behind is being used as a rubbish tip from prevouis tennat/LL who knows... (the garden should be bigger basicly but instead of moving the rubbish the LL put a fence up :L)
And somehow vauled it at 70k? Next door exactly the same as ours sold for 57k 3months ago and one about 10 doors up sold for about 62k about 6ish months ago.
...70k if the house was up to reasonable standard? Maybe. or at least a decent offer for 65k would come up.
But that house is falling to bits.....It had mouse holes when we moved in for god sake!
Edit: Sorry i just looked again.... 80k!!! Not 70k And its now been changed from 'Star quality' to 'ideal investment'...People don't know what they want until you show them.0 -
I suppose a black hole is a kind of star.Kayalana99 wrote: »Haart have put our last rental property up as 'Star Quality'
I beg to differ. Thiers damp on top of the stairs for a start (its a very high ceiling so we couldnt even wipe it down)You might as well ask the Wizard of Oz to give you a big number as pay a Credit Referencing Agency for a so-called 'credit-score'0 -
"No forward chain", owner no longer in this world0
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Vibrant = The area is always on the news as kids get stabbed in the streets every week.
Up and Coming = The areas a dump and will always be a dump but face it you can't afford anywhere better so why not kid yourself that this is the new Notting Hill.
These are my favourite catchphrases, designed to lure the typical thick London "young professional" first time buyer into thinking that the half million quid rat infested shoebox they're buying above a kebab betting shop is a surefire way to untold riches. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:0 -
Has seen better days = Utter wreck.
Courtyard garden = 6 patio slabs surrounded by 6 foot walls.
Close to transport links = railway line at bottom of garden.0 -
In older properties " eaves cupboard".
Who is Eve and why does she live in a cupboard?
Stop! Think. Read the small print. Trust nothing and assume that it is your responsibility. That way it rarely goes wrong.
Actively hunting down the person who invented the imaginary tenure, "share freehold"; if you can show me one I will produce my daughter's unicorn0 -
Internal Viewing Recommended:because from the outside picture you'd just run away.
"West somewhere" ; somewhere crappy west of some where far nicer eg West Wimbledon
Stop! Think. Read the small print. Trust nothing and assume that it is your responsibility. That way it rarely goes wrong.
Actively hunting down the person who invented the imaginary tenure, "share freehold"; if you can show me one I will produce my daughter's unicorn0 -
On our current house:
"Requiring some modernisation"
Translation: structurally unsound, needs completely gutting, extremely unsafe wiring, needs replumbing, sewage flooding under the bathroom due to complete incompetence of whoever put it in, needs all windows and doors, plus most walls, ceilings and floors replacing. But it does have a good roof
Prior to us buying it, a sale had fallen through in which the buyer had clearly placed a little too much trust in this statement. She thought £5000 would cover the work that needed to be done, employing builders to do it... A few quotes later and she pulled out pretty sharpish.0 -
The house I live in now had 5.5 acres of weeds and the garden was invisible, being shoulder high in nettles, brambles and general detritus. There was a ten tonne lorry in the yard that hadn't moved for many years.
When pointing all this out prior to making my offer, the agent replied cheerfully, "Yes, you're right, they have let it go a bit..."0
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