I can't stop changing my goals!!!

Kayalana99

Hiya guys,

Sorry wasnt sure where else to post this :-)

Im currently 22 pregnat with 2nd child (we only want two) I have a part time job(but on maternity leave) and OH is working Full time.

I find myself unable to complete anything!!! I suppose you could say having settled down with OH is an achiement in itself but I feel like I have been wasting my life away going from one thing to the next...in my left school days I have been to collage, back to 6th form, let go from an apprenticeship, walked out on a job, started an ICS a level courses that never got started let alone finshed ...Finally settled down in my current postion which has no oppertunities now that I have kids as its a 24/7 business and I couldnt go 'up' unless I was willing to go outside the 8-5 bracket which I am unwilling really to do as my family comes first.

My current *plan* was to be a social worker...which as far as my research allows I have to have a degree which I can do with open uni.

To *prove* to myself that I would do the degree not just another sign up to something and not finsh I said I would do an A level maths at home but I am finding it really difficult and will have to fork out for 6 exams + travel, which I dont belive I can take untill next year so now I am asking myself is it worth it when I can start the degree now instead of wasting a year?

But at the same time will I even do the degree? am I even meant to do social work? Personally I think I am *suited* to social work and I know its a hard but rewarding job but I feel like I am spilt in two as one side of me wants to help people but the other side I get from my Dad I just want to make money by running my own business!

But I have no trade...no ideas for a business...I do have a small ebay one but i cant expand on it (without going into a dif area which I wouldnt no what to do)

I am worried I will spend all this money starting a degree to not finsh it....another part of me wants to do a business degree so I just can't make the decision!!

I guess I just don't no what to do with my life and I have all this free time being on matinery leave and I am just wasting it on these fourms or trolling facebook. :rotfl: Tbf I am doing my maths a level slowly but the book I am using is not very good and dont explain things at all as its more a revision guide, I belive I will have to invest in a better one if I am to contine...

Ack. I know its not a *big* problem but I just want to achive something but I am sooo lazy

I guess this is actally more of a rant at myself....

thunderbird

- what makes you want to be a social worker? Have you ever done any work in this field? If not, maybe see if there are any volunteering opportunities so that you can get experience and also see if it suits you
- you say you don't want to work outside normal office hours. I would have though you will need to do so as a social worker
- doing an OU degree is a huge commitment and the amount of motivation and dedication required should not be underestimated. Bear in mind that if you intend to study part time it will probably take at least 6 years.

I don't want to put you off(!) but at the moment it sounds like you have lots of ideas, but maybe haven't thought them through. Perhaps you should just start with focusing on what you are doing at the moment and set yourself small goals.

Any

You are only 22!! I started my accounting exams at 24 and only finished at 29.. you have time, you are putting pressure on yourself that time is passing you by, but really you are still young and you can afford to really think it through. Making one well thought through decision is worth million times more than being unsure and keeping jumping from one thing to another.. that is shy you keep moving the goals. Because you are never really sure that is the real thing.

squirrelchops

The social work degree can be studied via the OU but remember you still have to do placements (work experience) of 200 days total. The degree is challenging and, to be honest, as a qualified social worker I feel that the actual academic study is only one part of the course and having interaction with other students on a regular basis where you can reflect, challenge and be challenged and share experiences is invaluable to becoming a social worker. I know people who studied via the OU and were nearly always at a disadvantage when they qualified. However with the new assessed year in practice this will help.

Kayalana99

Thanks for advice...I feel like I really just need a kick up the butt...tbh -.- as for being a social worker I have had a prevouis relationship where me and the ex were looking after a child with behavior issues whos friends were all in very disturbing situations & I would love to be in a postion to help others in the same situation. I think my personailty is well suited as well as I am quite friendly/non judgemental person and although I do find it hard to *connect* with adults everyone says I seem to have a special way with children and the patience of a saint (with children lol)

I have read that I need to do some vounleteer work and even though being pregnat isnt an excuse I think it is something I will have to look into later on as it doesnt seem pratcial right now...

Thiers no way I could go to Uni as my partner isnt in postion to support me financially, espically since we would need to pay out child care on top of this for two children so I am afaird its the OU or nothing.

Accounting...another course I took and quit ...website design..photography...*sigh* I know what your saying about being 22 but I just want to know my life is going somewhere...even if it is in 5 years I want to be someone my kids can look up to..and not sound like a total hypocrite when im telling them to study hard and go to collage!! lol

easilydistracted

Don't want to sound harsh, but I am wondering if you have done much research into what's involved in a social work degree and being a social worker? The degree is probably up there with the hardest things I've done in my life. As far as I know, you need to be sponsored by an employer to do the OU route. There is a high drop out rate from the degree.

Do you know what area of social work you intend to go into? You talk about children, but nearly all the mainstream social work roles involve working with parents too. If you find adults challenging what will you do if someone is being aggressive to you, especially if they have been using crack and heroin? How will you speak to someone who is a domestic violence pereptrator or sex offender yet remain professional? You will most likely spend an awful lot of time being challenged about your age and will have to deal with this in a warm yet professional way (I speak from experience).

There are other areas of social work with children, but very few involve a high level of direct contact with them. The social work degree is massively stressful and the funding will has been cut this year. Many parts of the degree involve working on a full time placement whilst doing additional work on top. I could not have done it if I had children, though people do manage. One way a friend of mine managed was getting up at 6am to study, having her children in FT childcare and working in all the gaps there were between classes, then staying up till midnight doing the work when on placement.

I qualified at 24, having started the course at 21. I felt I would be fine as I've had an eventful and at times difficult life. Now I'm 30, the relentlessness of all different issues I've had to deal with over that time, whilst managing a massive workload, have made me feel very old before my time. The latest I've worked in an emergency, having started at 8:30am that morning, was midnight.

Despite all this, I don't regret becoming a social worker at all, but this is because it's my passion and vocation and I can not imagine doing anything else. I worked in child care with children with additional needs, in children's centres and in children's home originally (and in fact do this at the weekends currently to keep up my direct work skills). This sort of thing sound a lot more like something that would suit you at this stage in your life. You can do on the job qualifications such as NVQs in childcare, which could help get you entry to uni in the future. My advice would be that there's plenty of time to be a social worker, and also to do a lot more research. Have a look at the community care website for a starting point.

Kayalana99

I did do quite alot, and found a route that allowed me to do it without sponser at the time (but the sponsered course was alot nicer then the one I was looking at) but this was a few months back and my memory of it is gone....I know it can be done through OU though without an employer.

I want children to be my main focus, obvouisly this will invovle parents as well. I just am not very good with forming relationships with adults...I never have been. I would be fine in stressful situations and can keep a cool head and can do the whole 'chit-chat' etc but I guess I am just a loner and more of a family person - I don't have alot of friends because I dont put the effort in basicly and its not the best thing to say but I just CBA with conversations about the weather & whats going on with so-so celeb.. I am very friendly...just not social ironicly.

I obvouisly do need to research the degree I am doing...as for not having children are you just talking about the course or do you feel this about the whole job? Not being able to do it with children?


Thanks for your advice. Def alot to think about.

easilydistracted

I think squirrelchops comments about doing a uni based course are really spot on. Have you looked into access courses? You can do them part time, there is by all accounts a heavy workload but would be good course preparation and test your resolve. You picked a pretty hard A level to be honest, I did psychology and it was probably easier and much more interesting (I dropped out of maths at 18). A lot of the work is with parents, getting them to address their parenting difficulties, though building relationships with the children are important too. The voluntary work is a good way of finding out if you would be suited to the profession. The vacancies are drying up too, so experience is important in being employable and standing out.

Lots of social workers have children, lots of social workers have annoyed partners nagging them for being late and bringing paperwork home! It's not a 9-5 job. The problem with the late working is its completely unpredictable. If someone calls in with an emergency at 4:45pm you deal with it till it's done. So you need a partner or family member you can step in. You need to be calm and independent in an emergency. Personally, I'm hoping to have children in the relatively near future and don't intend to be in an actual frontline role, but in management. My partner and I have very little family support and none anywhere near me and I don't think I could do the job to the standard I want to and give a young child the attention and commitment they need. The job can be done part time however, but you are constantly chasing your tail catching up. A lot depends on your support networks. I'll always be the main earner and we rely on my work, which isn't your position so this helps.

Community care website has a forum on where a lot of people ask these sort of questions which might be useful to you. Be prepared for some rather snobby academics being quite abrassive in response however. The one totally bizarre thing in the profession is the amount of people, particularly some management, with terrible personal deficits, massive egos and barely supressed anger problems. I'm never sure if they were always like this or if it's the stress of the job!

Kayalana99

Thank you.

I really need to do some thinking but I hear what another poster is saying about small goals and I think I should stick to my orignal plan of doing my A level before going for a degree, and although I would love to be a social worker I think you have highlighted some really good points and one being that at this stage in my life I would not be willing to put my job before my family and I have had my children young and together so I could pursue other things in later life. If I carry on with my Maths A level for the year and still wish to pursue my degree at least I will be sure thats what I want to do & it gives me some time to save as OU is expensive.

I choose Maths because I get along with it...tbh if you get from my prevouis post I am extremly lazy I got a B in my maths exam and an E in my coursework resulting in a C overall....I never did any homework ..and not much classwork tbh but I just always had a 'knack' for it. I don't think I would be struggling if I was in a classroom but this book just doesn't break things down properlly and I want to understand how it gets from A to B and not just accept thats the answar and thats how its done...if that makes sense UGH!.

I find it easier to 'study' as well as once you get your head around something you can take it and do what ever equation...where as other studys like socilogy etc your just having to remember fact after fact after fact and thats where my brain dies.

I felt like I was wasting a year doing it but I realise now this Social worker should be a long term plan and not a 'do it as fast as you can' plan. Hopefully I can find something to fill the void in the mean time.

jenhug

May I suggest you just calm down, and stop trying to force a decision? Have baby number 2, spend time getting to know them and then think about a new career path in a year or so.

Kayalana99

I know what your saying but this is a decision I have been battling with since I was 16. Its only past 2 years I have met OH and had a baby. So to me thats 4 years of wasted time going from dead end to dead end and nothing to show for it...yes now I have a future as a housewife/part time job but its just not me, I know I have to put my family first but I need something more then being in a dead end job.

I wouldnt be happy at all being a 100% stay at home mum, but at the same time with the job I have I might as well be! I need some kind if plan to keep me sane...to say the least.