Working in an office

asusasus

Hello everyone,

I am using an alias as I am afraid co-workers may find out I am looking for another job :-/
I was unsure if I should put this in the Employment forum or here, but I decided on here, as it is more of a "relationship with your co-workers" kind of thread.

Like many others, I work in an office environment and realise that you don't always get on with everyone you work beside, which can lead to an atmosphere.
How do you feel your office environment is? Do you have issues with others and if so, what did you do to resolve them?

About 18 months ago I landed my dream job in my dream industry, so excited, and I've put my heart and soul into this job. Even with all the hassle with my co-workers I am still as enthusiastic about my work now as I was on my first day.
It started off wonderfully, I was accepted by the other workers, helped out wherever I could to gain knowledge, very eager to learn and grow in my chosen career path.
I struggle to pinpoint where everything started going wrong, it just seems like an accumulation of small things.

- I was moved into a specific role as a full-time employee as I had completed all my basic training and according to my team leader was doing very well.

- Management decided to move the workload around between the teams and peoples true colours began to show through water cooler chat, claiming the workload was uneven, said some members were favoured over others etc. I didn't want any part in this, just stuck to my work and didn't comment on any of it.

- Seems like I am labelled a doormat by co-workers as I do not participate in gossip and I start become paranoid that comments are being made deliberately withing my ear shot and appear to be directed at me. Try to brush these off, never mention it and act like I have not noticed. The nicey nice approach takes it toll on me and the long drive home each night is often spent in tears as I replay the day back in my head, and realise I am a bloody doormat but have no idea how to confront people without causing a scene and making things worse.

- I pluck up the courage to speak with my team leader, after a particularly awful team meeting where my presence and input is ignored or met with soul-destroying grunts! My team leader acknowledged this behaviour by the others and confronted the worst offender "The Grunter". This leads to the behaviour only happening when the team leader is not in earshot and everyone is overly-fake-nice to me when management is around.

The night that broke me in two was one of the many social events which the work arrange. I attend all of these, hoping that it will lessen my "quiet image", I get up and dance, get the round in when its my turn, try to participate in the group conversations.... which always turn to gossiping and I try to make non-biased conversation as I don't like that sort of talk but then the topic is always dragged back to putting another worker down.
So this particular night, I come back from the loo and the entire group has shifted chairs and tables into their "cliques"and left my chair over beside the team leaders, so I sit with the team leaders for a while and pretend not to be bothered with their actions but it's hard because I just want to fit in with the others and not be labelled "teachers pet" as I am sitting with management. Gave in about 10pm and got a taxi into town to meet with my friends and had a great night with them instead.


My self-confidence is at zero, I hardly utter two words in the entire working day anymore and they probably think I am a weirdo. It's like high-school behaviour, I'm not in their "clique", I am not invited to lunch, my contributions are shot down in flames. blah blah blah.
I don't want to give up my job but it's 11pm on a Saturday night and I'm sitting here on job sites and cursing myself for not being more confrontational and getting this sorted. Feel like I'm being pushed out of a job I adore by gossip and rude co-workers.
If I have no way of fitting in at this job, then who's to say I get another one and the same thing happens again??

I considered self-help books, but not sure which ones may help me out, or are considered as "good" ones, any recommendations?

balletshoes

Would it help you if you just stopped trying so hard to get in with the cliques? It might help your stress levels to just stop trying so hard.

Clearly you have no time for office gossip, and thats fine. If everyone else revels in it, and you refuse to get involved in it, I can see why you might not be included by your workmates. I'm not saying its mature or fair, I'm just saying that might be whats going on.

I've worked in office environments all my adult working life. I used to be the quiet one, but I haven't had people (to my face anyway) talk about uneven workloads, bosses pet etc etc. I also don't openly show disdain for the office gossip. I don't participate, but I can appear to be listening. I think a lot of office gossip is to help fill the day to be honest.

With age comes more confidence I think - now I'm in a team where I can put up with everyone, I'm not best friends with any of them because its a job - its what I do 6 hours a day then I come home and get on with my life.

balletshoes

oh, I meant to add - if you think you are a doormat at work, then learning to be assertive can only help (in all areas of your life). There are certainly books out there on assertiveness training.

marisco_2

asusasus wrote: »

I don't want to give up my job but it's 11pm on a Saturday night and I'm sitting here on job sites and cursing myself for not being more confrontational and getting this sorted. Feel like I'm being pushed out of a job I adore by gossip and rude co-workers.

You come across to me as a very intelligient, articulate person. You have a great work ethic, do not wish to be dragged into idle gossip and appear to be doing all you can to settle into, develop and grow in the role you have.

No job is worth feeling as low over as you do right now. I dont think the problem is with you here. More that you have been unfortunate to take a position in a company where theres alot of jobsworths, content to whinge, moan and backstab each other. They seem to lack imagination and drive, are not proactive and have little desire to pull together as a team.

Getting yourself into a stimulating new job with like minded individuals will make you feel so much better. Negative people can be extremely draining and no matter how professional and capable you are their vibes make you question yourself. I have been in the same boat in the past and feel for you because it's a horrible place to be.

Stick it out till you find a new position and then move on knowing you gave it your all and that your departure is their loss.

I work as a teacher and my class of 7/8 years olds are more mature and socially developed than the people you work with. Dont let them get you down OP.

asusasus

Thank you so much for your input Ballet Shoes and Marisco , you don't know how much it means to me to have your viewpoint, to know that it's not just me !

I guess my age comes across a lot in my post, yes my co-workers are all 20 + years older than me, which makes it all the harder to understand their behaviour and attitude.

dktreesea

Working in any environment, and certainly an office, is about competition for scarce resources. The thing is with working at a rate that doesn't sound like it's the norm for that particular office, management notice. They might well encourage you, but will also be saying if you can work like that, how come the rest of the people are coasting along.

Maybe someone in the office previously had a good relationship with their manager, but since you have come along, your work rate has shown them up for the lazy git they are, and that has changed their prospects for the worse. Of course that person, and anyone else who feels they have been similarly affected, will then be out to show you up by working to make you feel/appear ineffective. Yes, stuff like ignoring all your suggestions, not inviting you out with them to office lunches, labelling you in a way calculated to diminish you in the eyes of management and their peers. Phrases like boring, doormat, too quiet, dull, uninteresting, a "suck up " (to the management, etc, etc. Obviously they can't show up the work itself; management already know you are competent. That just leaves attacks on you personally.

So what are your options? Toughen up, put it down to experience, and look for another job.

We're in a recession. Everyone is worried about keeping their job. So they are not going to tolerate anything that shows them up in a bad light, including rate busters (people who come along and work at a rate far in excess of what the employees who were there already have got used to).

Sooner or later you will find an organisation where you are a better fit to the people there. Just keep in mind, - a lot of office work has nothing to do with actual work and plenty to do with building relationships with other colleagues.

balletshoes

asusasus wrote: »

Thank you so much for your input Ballet Shoes and Marisco , you don't know how much it means to me to have your viewpoint, to know that it's not just me !

I guess my age comes across a lot in my post, yes my co-workers are all 20 + years older than me, which makes it all the harder to understand their behaviour and attitude.

their behaviour and attitudes come from years of being in the same environment - and dktreesea makes a lot of sense in their post about where some of it might be coming from in your case.

I had a colleague, years ago, who was obstructive at work whenever I had anything to do with her. I didn't know until much later on that when I joined the team, I had got the job she wanted, had applied for, and had been unsuccessful in getting. Once I found that out, a lot of what she was doing made a bit more sense - it didn't make me respect or like her any better, but it did kind of explain things.
There were other issues between me and her, clash of personalities you could call it. She is one of only 2 people I've been in a work team with in nearly 30 years, who I would take steps to avoid interacting with whenever possible, without being overtly rude about it.

marisco_2

asusasus wrote: »

I guess my age comes across a lot in my post, yes my co-workers are all 20 + years older than me, which makes it all the harder to understand their behaviour and attitude.

It sounds to me like your colleagues have got themselves stuck in a rut, dont have the ambition to progress and are bored and jaded in their roles.

Turn this on its head for a minute and look at it from another perspective. You are young, bright, keen and able to pick things up fast, run with it and deliver beyond your expectations and theirs. Something tells me that they feel threatened by your abilities, which is why they veto your ideas and grunt.

Who comes across as more impressive? The young, eager, employee or the older, fed up, hanging out till retirement employee? This is a case of a few green eyed monsters having a strop.

Good luck finding a new job. The sooner you move onwards and upwards the happier you will be.

asusasus

Thank you dktreesea, I have never thought of it in that way before, possibly because I don't think my work rate is all that good as I am still learning my role.

Taadaa

Nothing l can add really except don't let other people's !!!! stick to you.

Personally l would stay with the job just to irritate them. You clearly show them up for the immature stagnant less competents that they are. At the end of the day it's not your life, it's what funds your life.

Poppy9

I've worked in an office enviroment for over 30 years. Each office is different but in a way the same.

Sometimes you have one person who wants to be Office King/Queen. They befriend everyone and do nice things for other and always have a kind word for everyone. Yet your instincts scream they are false, it's an act and it's about them wanting to be popular and in control!

Generally though I have found 90% of the office is lovely. Some are quiet and don't want to socialise outside of work, which is fine, others want to know every personal detail of your life, which I don't find fine! I will tell if I wish to share but I don't respond to questioning!

Every now and then we have an odd bod. A couple of us are very quick to pick up on them. It's little things like being a complete "know it all" and "expert" no matter what you are talking about! Or them banging on about how they ran the company in their previous job!

Then there are the totally anal, must follow the rules or even create rules people! They don't know the meaning of using discretion, if there is a rule you must follow it! If their manager tells them to back off and use some discretion they remind them of the rules and the correct procedures and in their own way "threaten" them because they are failing to follow the rules and how HR won't be happy!

To work sucessfully in an office you have to know who you can and cannot trust. Who tells lies, who talks about you behind your back. You have to offer to help more stupid members of the team:rotfl::rotfl: You have to have a sense of humour when you've heard the same story that's got bigger throughout the day when they confide in another person "don't tell anyone but":rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I'm a people watcher, I love it! I'm sometimes blunt and truthful, but I say it with a smile! I tell people to stop whinging, moaning or just talking because they are getting on my nerves! But I will also tell them to tell me to shut up because I'm getting on my own nerves!

When my admin does a rush job for me and calls over that it's done I will respond with a loud thank you because they like being publicly appreciated. Sometimes I shout "I love you" in an OTT way, sometimes I buy a choccie bar for them. One of my other team members is like me and does this too, but sometimes he swears at her and she feigns annoyance! It's about learning what people like and will tolerate.

Work place isolation isn't usually about work rate and disliking someone for being good at the job or too quick. I'm known for being quick and along with a colleague having the best IT skills in the packages we use. It doesn't isolate us as we are happy to share knowledge. I'm not so keen on doing someone else's work though because they are too slow or disorganised but I will help out other colleagues who are just overloaded at that point in time.

You need to people watch and work out the office dynamics. We don't really have a them and us as we have 6 levels of staff in our office and aside from the one on level 7 we socialise in and out of work. I've been a team leader and didn't feel isolated from my team, one was odd but the rest were lovely.