To buy or not to buy as a newly together, unmarried couple

Fire_Fox

krlyr wrote: »

Not necessarily. OP's OH's decision to buy isn't something that will only affect him now. If OP moves in with him and they stay together, she may lose out on having been part of the buying process - the area, style or size of the house, etc. may be more to her OH's tastes than her own and it may not truly feel like "home" to her for a while (if ever). If they move in and it doesn't work out, will she have her dad's rental as backup, or will he have had to rent it out to someone else, forcing OP to rent elsewhere at a higher price?

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We ummed and ahhed and then I suggested he moved in with me instead. Maybe someone could have said I was planning his life, but we looked at it from an objectional point of view and weighed up the pros and cons (we're both fairly practical people in that aspect). If it didn't work out, he could move back to his dad's, so less of a risk for him than for me. Cheaper rent for both of us, and while it wouldn't quite feel like 'his' home, it was a great stop-gap that allowed us to both save more towards a house deposit to buy together, which we did 2 years down the line.

It was a compromise, but one my OH was happy to make, and overall it panned out pretty well. OP, would your OH consider moving in with you, temporarily, to take advantage of the cheap rent to gather more savings and avoid the complications of the family loan etc.? It seems like it could possibly have a few benefits for the pair of you.

So she shouldn't have to move into the home of the man she apparently loves deeply because it wouldn't be hers and not feel like home, but he should consider moving in with her parents in his thirties??? And you think he would feel relaxed and at home and secure?? It's like the antithesis of his dreams of independence and his own pad, free of the shackles of landlords.

Frankly when I was with the love of my life I would have felt at home virtually anywhere, I certainly did not need to have the area, style of house and decor to my taste! :rotfl: I even put up with living with his brothers one of which was seriously inconsiderate, but it put a heck of a strain on our relationship.

krlyr wrote: »

If OP wanted to move out from her dad's house and fancied moving 400 miles away, you couldn't say "well she might have wanted to do that before she met him so he has to accept that it was her plan" - things change when you start a relationship, no matter how early the stage.

Yes you could say that! When I started seeing my last ex I was a month or so out from electively moving a few hundred miles north, so we knew nothing would come of it, just enjoy one another's company. After the second visit 'as friends' he announced he wanted to be with me, couldn't deal with long distance, quit his job and relocated. He never tried to stop me leaving, I never pushed him into following or into a commitment.

If it's meant to be and both are committed you make it work and it moves along at an organic pace. You don't manipulate someone into giving up their dreams to save for a family home a few months into the relationship when they should just be having rampant nookie and laughing like drains not turning into a boring old married couple.

marathonic

Fire_Fox wrote: »

but he should consider moving in with her parents in his thirties???

If they were to decide to have their potential partner move in with their parents, I may as well go ahead and post my reply to the thread that will undoubtedly appear within months, if not weeks:

"Match.com is a great way to meet new people and, by joining through TopCashBack, you can get £50 cashback for a 6-month membership"..... :rotfl:

krlyr

Fire_Fox wrote: »

So she shouldn't have to move into the home of the man she apparently loves deeply because it wouldn't be hers and not feel like home, but he should consider moving in with her parents in his thirties??? And you think he would feel relaxed and at home and secure?? It's like the antithesis of his dreams of independence and his own pad, free of the shackles of landlords.

If you read the top of my last post you'll see that I misread the OP's original post and thought she was renting a place of her own off her dad, not with him. But moving in with OP or buying a house by himself aren't the only options he has.

ivanap

Thank you all for your feedback and comments.


I love, respect and care for my partner, so I think I would find it very hard to sit back and say nothing about a decision which may cost him and potentially us dearly in the future. I will reiterate again that his savings are very, very small, so I’m perplexed as to why some of the responders think I’m trying to manipulate, control or take over on his dream.



As the saying goes, life happens when you’re busy making other plans and in this case, we’ve fallen in love and want to be together long term, so we both may need to make compromises, as well as potentially alter existing or create new plans to ensure that happens and we have a happy future together.



I have his best interests at heart (and yes naturally our future interests at heart), so I think I would be pretty selfish of me not to be concerned about his desire to buy on his own, then sell in such a short space of time before possibly buying a home together.



Having said all this, we had a chat about all of this last night and today he suggested (his idea!) that we move in together (i.e. rent initially) from August. Now whom I am to disagree with such a sensible suggestion? I trust that my partner will always make the right decision when it comes to our future together (jointly with me of course) and that’s one of the many reasons I’m absolutely and utterly in love with him. And as a bonus for waiting to save up for a mortgage and potentially buying with me where we’ll be able to afford a bigger place where we could stay longer term, he may just get that garage that he so desperately wants sooner than he would if were to buy on his own right now. And if we break up, he has still saved some money and he will also be paying less rent than he currently is as he’ll be sharing with me (my rent will considerably increase, only stating this in reference to the comments of being selfish). I do very much live in here and now, but I think it would be rather foolish not to think of the future.



Companies do it all the time and they call it forecasting...and that’s exactly all one can do when they enter a relationship with someone – dream, plot and plan a little and of course hope for the best. Oh and absolutely enjoy the mind blowing.....:)


Thank you all again for all your input, it’s definitely been very helpful.

Fire_Fox

Delighted to hear he came to his own decision and it was the right one for you too.