What do I do when the creditor is a friend?

iolanthe07

Are you a smoker? If not, tell your DMP provider that you are - this will give you about £140 per month allowance on your budget for cigarettes which you can allocate to freinds (sic).

Are you seriously suggesting the OP should lie - well, commit fraud, actually.
? I sometimes despair of what we're all coming to.

poppasmurf_bewdley

tintingirl wrote: »

Hi Rosey :wave:

Are you a smoker? If not, tell your DMP provider that you are - this will give you about £140 per month allowance on your budget for cigarettes which you can allocate to freinds. There are other categories like this too - ie pets need an allowance in the budget for insurance and food. You can remove these allowances in the next budget review if all your friends are paid off.

Tintingirl

If I was owed money by someone, the fact that they smoked wouldn't enter into it. If they've got money to burn, then they've got money to pay off their debts.

I've never heard of anything so stupid as allowing smokers to pay off less because of their filthy habit.

Rosey_Future

Just wanted to give you an update. Monday today and preparing to have another 3 conversations today. Its got to a point that this is all I think about day and night and I have a constant knot in my stomach. I suppose being a pessimist, I am waiting for the first conversation I have where the other person isnt understanding or grateful for my honesty. But I figure it has to do more good than harm to speak to them rather than avoiding.

Will provide another update when I have spoken to today's people

Meeting 1 - Colleague - owed £50
Meeting 2 - Colleague - owed £150
Meeting 3 - Friend - owed £50

Rosey_Future

iolanthe07 wrote: »

Are you a smoker? If not, tell your DMP provider that you are - this will give you about £140 per month allowance on your budget for cigarettes which you can allocate to freinds

I am not a smoker no.

Rosey_Future

tintingirl wrote: »

Are you a smoker? If not, tell your DMP provider that you are - this will give you about £140 per month allowance on your budget for cigarettes which you can allocate to freinds.
Tintingirl

Hi, Thanks for your suggestion. I am not a smoker.

However, with regards to the DMP, I have been advised to go back to them and tell them the extend of the debts to work colleagues and that my job is in jeopardy and ask them to reduce my creditor payments to a nominal £1 a month until the friends are paid off.

I'll let you know what they say.

The_Boss

iolanthe07 wrote: »

Are you a smoker? If not, tell your DMP provider that you are - this will give you about £140 per month allowance on your budget for cigarettes which you can allocate to freinds (sic).

Are you seriously suggesting the OP should lie - well, commit fraud, actually.
? I sometimes despair of what we're all coming to.

Agreed. Shocking thing to suggest. Glad the OP seems to have rejected the idea since they are a non smoker.

ValHaller

iolanthe07 wrote: »

Are you a smoker? If not, tell your DMP provider that you are - this will give you about £140 per month allowance on your budget for cigarettes which you can allocate to freinds (sic).

Are you seriously suggesting the OP should lie - well, commit fraud, actually.
? I sometimes despair of what we're all coming to.

So it is OK to burn the money but not to pay back debts to friends and family? Overall, rather than a smokers allowance, I think there should be an indulgences allowance, exactly so that people can choose to pay back friends or feed their pets or smoke.

Suppose a smoker claimed the £140 and stopped smoking just to pay back friends - would anyone call that fraud? So why should a non smoker have less slack than a smoker?

Heck, if I was in the position, I would buy myself a pack of 20 and become a smoker - I doubt you need to inhale to qualify.

Mara_uk7

Good for you Rosey on facing up to what must feel like a horrible situation. very brave.
Hope today goes ok for you with your colleagues.

Rosey_Future

Well as promised here is the next update on my creditor-friends meetings.

This just goes to show that although honest is the best policy, you never know how people will react.

So here is the background on this debt:
One day I was at work in the ladies washing my face as I had been a bit emotional due to my usual lack of money. I was upset as my team were arranging to go out for lunch and asked if I wanted to go along. As usual I had to make up an excuse of why I couldnt go - which was quite tricky as my boss was also going and he wasnt aware of anything urgent I had to do. I eventually told the team I just didnt fancy it - and they were a little off with me (I work in a 5 person team, so it looked like i was shunning them).

I went to the ladies and had a bit of a cry as i had felt so embarrassed and a colleague came in and asked if i was ok. I said that "my team are going to lunch and I dont really have the available funds right now, but they dont really understand that not everyone has cash so close to a payday - I just feel a little embarrassed".

The colleague said, "if you dont have the money, I am happy to sub you a few quid - how much do you need". I said that I didnt want to borrow any money and if I did - I wouldnt want to waste it on a lunch as I would rather spend £20 shopping and essentials rather than one meal. She said "I know what you mean, I have been there".

Long story short she said she was happy to lend me the money to do both and lent me £50. She said "give it back when you can - no rush".

Anyway that was a couple of months ago. I have had a lot to pay back so I will be honest that I didnt see this one as a priority as she had said to give it to her when I could and has actually offered the loan rather than me asking. (yes, I do acknowledge it was a loan).

Ok, met up with her today and wasnt particularly worried about this meeting. But she was quite nasty to me. She said - "I didnt mind lending you the money but you really shouldnt have borrowed it if you arent able to repay it. I thought this was a short term thing as we all get a bit short just before payday, but you should of been up front if it was a bigger problem".

I decided this needs to be one of my priority repayments as she was not at all happy, so I said "I am really sorry - I dont have it right now, but I will give it to you on our next payday if thats ok". She just replied and said "well, it will have to be wont it".

Then she left.

The whole thing was very unpleasant and I feel horrible now.

If I thought I could get credit, I would go and take out a payday loan to pay her back. I would rather owe them than owe her, but I know I cant do that.

I have to remember that things are going to get better, but at the moment I feel so horrible and ashamed.

This thread as a "diary" is helping tho....

warwicktiger

Hugs.

Stick with it. Its horrible, I know and you don't need to ask me how I know.

Keep being honest with your creditor friends, but most importantly keep being honest with yourself. Those that know will admire you, even if thy do not say it, you will be stronger for sticking to your principles.

Please, do not of all things give in to a payday loan, every time you feel tempted come back on here and read a few of the threads from those who have used them before.

I feel for you, I've been there.