Finding the balance!

bagpuss38

Hi all,
Not sure why i am posting this cos i am bound to sound a bit daft but here goes.

I find it so hard to spend any money on myself.
I have some debts but they are getting cleared with the help of advice and the tips from this very site:D

We dont want for food or warmth, and all the kids are clothed etc.
Both girls have swimming lessons and one is doing beavers the other ballet lessons.
Yet i am wearing raggy old clothes and cannot even bear to spend a penny on myself
I know i know i'm a fool, i want the best for my girls.
I would love to shake this crushing sense of guilt for even buying myself a coffee without thinking, well that could've bought some milk etc.
Both my parents were completely useless and i dont ever want my kids to feel the way i did.

Sorry for the waffle.

jjj1980

bagpuss38 wrote: »

Hi all,
Not sure why i am posting this cos i am bound to sound a bit daft but here goes.

I find it so hard to spend any money on myself.
I have some debts but they are getting cleared with the help of advice and the tips from this very site:D

We dont want for food or warmth, and all the kids are clothed etc.
Both girls have swimming lessons and one is doing beavers the other ballet lessons.
Yet i am wearing raggy old clothes and cannot even bear to spend a penny on myself
I know i know i'm a fool, i want the best for my girls.
I would love to shake this crushing sense of guilt for even buying myself a coffee without thinking, well that could've bought some milk etc.
Both my parents were completely useless and i dont ever want my kids to feel the way i did.

Sorry for the waffle.

I can completely get where you are coming from. I am on my own with my three year old and I am exactly the same.

My daughter has swimming lessons, I treat her each weekend depending on how good her behaviour chart looks, I constantly pick up offers on clothing for her. I got a very small tax refund early this year and bought myself a new shirt for work, on offer at £15 from £80 and very nearly took it back the next day as all I could think was "That's £15 I could have spent on clothes/shoes for the little one"

Just a sign of being a good parent, you obviously love your children but you do also deserve a treat. Even if it is just a coffee from your favourite place or an item of clothing, pair of shoes etc.

I have started to deal with this by trying to alternate between whether I buy for me or my daughter. Or, if I see two tops for her, I buy one of them and something for me. Obviously, if she NEEDS something then without doubt, that gets bought before any thoughts of buying other items.

bagpuss38

Thanks jjj1980!

Good to know i am not the only one.:o

Its so hard though, but i am gonna try i buy myself one little thing each week, then see how that goes.
This week is some badly needed underwear.:D

jjj1980

No problem.

I had to replace my work shoes a few weeks ago as I had literally walked holes in to them and felt really guilty for spending the money. It didn't matter at all that only two days before, I had got my daughter new trainers, pumps and smart shoes.

I really believe that on delivery of your baby, something awakens within you that means you live with a guilty conscience if you do anything for yourself lol.

Enjoy your shopping trip!!

bagpuss38

jjj1980 wrote: »

I really believe that on delivery of your baby, something awakens within you that means you live with a guilty conscience if you do anything for yourself lol.

This is so true! lol:D

Kayalana99

Its not the same thing but I am a saving freak (although my savings are pratically nothing now as we just got on the ladder lol!) I have trouble finding a pair of socks in the morning sometimes without holes in them!!

My partner is a spending freak and has about £300/month to spend which he blows in first 5 days or so of payday and I get about £250 which I pay my dad £50 and buy my babys extra's bits of clothes etc he is quite young so doesn't cost alot tbf and then I save the rest out of 'fear' that we will be short on bills or OH will need money for some reason i.e birthdays...lol. I feel guilty spending money on myself as I want my child to have family hoildays etc and I want to have the savings in bank to do the bigger things where OH just wants the smaller things and thinks loans should pay the bigger things ... -___-

Never quite understood why he would happily pay £100 for a loan but can't save £100 ...

I find using 'last months' money on myself combats it abit, after I have brought baby stuff and OH has had abit extra & some savings if I have some spare money then thats mine to spend on me. Just means I spend my money at end of the month instead of the start I guess but its nice to know its 'extra money' not some i might need later x

krustylouise

I'm exactly the same. I spend every penny I have on my DD. I couldn't bear for her to wear clothes or shoes that are too small or don't look nice and me to have something half decent on. I'd sooner go barefoot and without for DD to have the nice things I didn't when I was little.

racing_blue

We have chosen an alternative lifestyle and plan to retire when our youngest child goes to uni. These are important things for us.

The result: very little to spend on ourselves now. So we drive bangers and shop at budget supermarkets with coupons where possible. Last year we ate out as a family twice. Once at Prezzo with vouchers, once at Wetherspoons. On holiday we camp. We buy good clothes from charity shops. We don't really do tech, although the kids have found ways to acquire all sorts of gizmos by hook or crook.

Each to their own... we have weighed things up & made our decisions. The benefit we would gain from making expensive choices in some areas is minimal. The benefit we gain from making expensive choices in other areas seems huge. Life's about choices. I reckon the important things are engineering a situation where you have the choices- and if you have a partner, agreeing about them.

lewisD70

Don't feel guilty! I know my mother has this issue too and she will always buy things for me first than for herself. It's got to the point where I just treat her now. If she's not going to do it for herself, then someone has to.

You have a right to feel good about yourself and treat yourself once in a while. don't let the guilt set in and deter you