Friendships and starting secondary school

bestpud

Have any of you asked for your child to be placed in a different tutor group from a friend when they start secondary?

Youngest daughter (11) is due to start in September and the school have asked for the name of any children they wish to be with and any they don't work well with.

She has a bit of a love hate relationship with her best friend. They look out for each other and,when they get on, they get on very well. However, they also argue a LOT and can be snipey with each other, if you know what I mean?

More to the point, they mess around when together in a classroom and this other girl is particularly disruptive and, in my daughter's words, 'never listens to the teacher and then wonders why she can't do the work'.

They would like to be in the same tutor group, but I wonder if that is a recipe for disaster...?

Would you ask for them to be split up?

74jax

I would maybe leave them in the same tutor group so they see each other for a short period each day.

In secondary school each class will be with different people anyway so I personally wouldn't worry

If it's a small school and just two class groups, I would mention it to the school.

bestpud

74jax wrote: »

I would maybe leave them in the same tutor group so they see each other for a short period each day.

In secondary school each class will be with different people anyway so I personally wouldn't worry

If it's a small school and just two class groups, I would mention it to the school.

They spend the first year in a tutor group at this school so she'd be with her most of the day.

They are set for maths before Christmas and English in the spring, but they are of a similar ability so would very likely be together even then.

The other subjects aren't set until year 8.

anniemf2508

Tbh i wouldn't worry too much about it as even if they end up being in the same tutor group they may well not end up being that close once they start mixing with children from other schools

kjmtidea

Yes I would ask for them to be split up, it sounds like she would do a lot better by herself and starting secondary school is the perfect opportunity to make new friends.
She would still see this friend at break/lunch time, the secondary school my son is going to also do pe with the whole year group once a week so maybe they do something like that too?

pollypenny

I would leave them together in the first instance.

It can be daunting to join the big school and a familiar face helps.

As said above, your DD will soon make new friends anyway .

juno

My mum asked for me to be put in a different tutor group to my friend, but didn't tell me at the time. It worked out well as it meant I had to make new friends.

valk_scot

It might be worth reminding your DD that secondary schools are a bit less tolerant of folk mucking around instead of working than a primary school might be. Just because her best friend messes around in class it's not required that she does too, surely? It's not entirely the other girl's fault if your DD decided to join in too. At age 11 she should be capable of making up her own mind if she wants to be attentive in class or not.

But as to whether to keep the girls together...well, it's nice to be with a friend, especially if it's a big school with few folk she knows well. And they'll not be in all classes together for the next 6/7 years, after all.

thunderbird

Has the school asked you or your daughter?

bestpud

pollypenny wrote: »

I would leave them together in the first instance.

It can be daunting to join the big school and a familiar face helps.

As said above, your DD will soon make new friends anyway .

That's my thoughts. They live close so will be travelling to school together and it would be much easier for her to know she has her friend with her all day at the beginning.

bestpud

valk_scot wrote: »

It might be worth reminding your DD that secondary schools are a bit less tolerant of folk mucking around instead of working than a primary school might be. Just because her best friend messes around in class it's not required that she does too, surely? It's not entirely the other girl's fault if your DD decided to join in too. At age 11 she should be capable of making up her own mind if she wants to be attentive in class or not.

But as to whether to keep the girls together...well, it's nice to be with a friend, especially if it's a big school with few folk she knows well. And they'll not be in all classes together for the next 6/7 years, after all.

My daughter has asked to be sat away from her friend in their primary class they share - they only share one lesson a day as are actually in different classes now.

She has an SEN and struggles anyway, so she knows she can't concentrate with the slightest distraction.

I'm not blaming the friend at all - my daughter is no angel, believe me, but she does want to listen.