2nd date - wwyd?

fluffnutter

ostrichnomore wrote: »

I think I'll go then, but we are having a chat to finalise arrangements before then, so I might just tell him I'm feeling a bit nervous about a couple of aspects (meeting his friends/apparent expectations that we are all going to get mullered, when I won't be). Or would that be a mistake?

God, this dating stuff is hard. I was always rubbish at it!

I'd say nothing. Confidence is always attractive and you might be seen as a little presumptuous. Perhaps he won't be getting mullered. If you say 'I won't be getting drunk, you know' you'll come across as a bit of a tartar. It will be an implicit expectation that he will and that you disapprove. Not a great impression to give.

You might say something jokey about being a bit nervous about creating a good impression with his friends, no one wants to be seen as arrogant or overconfident and a bit of humility is always attractive. But honestly? I'd say nothing. It's only a second date - you don't need to give anything away. Just go, lovey. If it's rubbish, leave!

Mojisola

ostrichnomore wrote: »

I think I'll go then, but we are having a chat to finalise arrangements before then, so I might just tell him I'm feeling a bit nervous about a couple of aspects (meeting his friends/apparent expectations that we are all going to get mullered, when I won't be). Or would that be a mistake?

I think I would go without mentioning my doubts but would have a back-up plan so that I could leave early if the drinking started to get out of hand - taxi money, "headache", etc.

ostrichnomore_2

ok, I'll leave it at that. He's already offered to pay for a taxi home for me so I don't have to drive (so I can drink) but i'll make sure I've got my own cash for that as well, in case.

I got to know him through a dating site, so I think that's making me feel extra wary. I've got to be sensible without being too suspicious, hard to find that balance. He doesn't strike me as a creepozoid though, obviously. I had enough of those contact me to pretty quickly work out which ones to weed out. This is first one I've met up with. I guess the fact that he wants me to meet his friends can only be a positive under those circumstances.

Thanks!

Tenyearstogo

If his friends are there then you'll get to see the real him, not on his best date behaviour. Definitely good to see that early on.

Could you get some friends to go there so if it is awkward with his friends you could 'bump' into your friends?

ostrichnomore_2

No, none of my friends live anywhere near here, and those nosy (but lovely) bunch don't need to be sticking their noses in right now either! I'm letting one of them know who I'm with and where I'll be just in case, but I've always done that.

I need to relax a bit, it'll be fine, you've all helped. It's a better idea for a date than sitting over a dinner table trying to think of things to say...

snowleopard61

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

If his friends are there then you'll get to see the real him, not on his best date behaviour. Definitely good to see that early on.

I'd really second this. My BF (we're middle-aged!) introduced me to his parents and his teenage children within a week or two of our getting together. From one point of view that sounds a bit heavy (heavier than going out with a group of friends to the pub) and in anticipation it was a bit scary for them and for me, but what it said to me was that he had nothing to hide, and that he cared about me and didn't make a habit of messing people around.

Have a lovely time.:)

marisco_2

I think it is a good sign that he wants to introduce you to his friends. Go along and meet them and see what you feel once you have spent some time with them all. Only drink to a level that you feel comfy with. His and their reaction to what you set as your limit will tell you alot about them as much as anything esle they so or do whilst you are together.

I hope that from your first date you have already begun to get to know the real him. Good manners and politeness are the only 'best behaviour' I think people should bring to a date. Beyond that people should just be themselves. His friends will soon make it very obvious if he is coming across any different from normal.

Hope you have a lovely time OP.

bagpussbear

I'd go, it's sounds positive in that he wants his friends to meet you, and doesn't mean you would be tied to them all night anyway. If you are not keen on any of his friends, its less pressurised having the music pounding away so you don't have to keep making polite conversation!

I would go, but to be on the safe side I would bring a taxi firm number with me, along with cash, should you feel the need to suddenly develop a 'headache' and need to get back home.

But I hope it goes well, and you have a lovely night!

piglet74

I would go! Go on... Live a little, lifes too short!

Ps.. Have a great time :-)

lostinrates

I would certainly have cash for the taxi myself.

Personally I would also say nothing in advance but might tell him on the night I was a little nervous about meeting his friends. That shows both confidence (you are there) and honesty from you, and lets him know you are reliable, but also let's you see how he reacts to this, maybe makes a couple of 'you doing ok?' Eye contact smiles, and perhaps steps in with the 'jokey' friend sooner than he might without warning.

He wants you to have a good time too I think, and I certainly think seeing how he acts with his friends, and how much YOU like them is a bonus.