2nd date - wwyd?

ostrichnomore_2

Had a really nice first date with a man - informal drinks. Agreed to meet again. He rang and suggested going to a pub rock night - sounds like fun, said yes. Then he said 'oh so-and-so will be there, and maybe X and Y etc (some of his friends, male and female).

Now having second thoughts for two reasons.

The night sounds great for a 2nd date. It also sounds great for a group night out. But combining the two? I don't know. On the one hand it might be fun and I'm not anti meeting his friends, but on the other hand I want to get to know him better without (if they are anything like my friends ) an avid audience hanging on everything we say and do.

Also - the more he talked about it, the more it's starting to sound like a mates booze up night. I enjoy a drink. There are times when I get blatted with my friends. But I'm not going to go and do that with a bunch of strangers...that would be foolish. And hanging round a group of people who are !!!!ed, when you are staying pretty sober, gets boring, usually.

I don't think i can say 'I'll come, but only if your friends are not there' so I either need to go, or cancel the date. Or are there other options here for me?

What would you do?

mumonashoestring

Or maybe he's been talking about you so much all his friends want to meet you?

FBaby

Maybe he doesn't see it as a formal date. If he is the sort of man who likes to go out with his friends regularly, he might want to see how well you get along.

I don't think there is anything wrong suggesting this kind of meeting up, especially as he did make it clear before you got together. It would be concerning if that's how all following dates went.

In any case, it will be good for you to see how he is with his mates in a social environment. You might conclude that it is not worth taking things further, or have a great time.

ostrichnomore_2

'Or maybe he's been talking about you so much all his friends want to meet you?' - no pressure then? Eek, that makes it worse...I've got to try and get to know/impress them, as well as him (yeah, I know, I know, just be yourself, but come on, we all try to be our 'best' selves on early dates). I'm feeling nervous enough as it is meeting/dating new men after a 10 year relationship, it's like walking on the moon for me, new territory!

'Maybe he doesn't see it as a formal date. If he is the sort of man who likes to go out with his friends regularly, he might want to see how well you get along.' Maybe, and I'm over-thinking it (as I do everything). If I'm seeing it as a date, and he isn't, how can I find out without looking like a berk?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It sounds more interesting to me - and he's interested in having you around his friends as well. Which sounds promising.

I'd go to that sort of date, even if it turned out as just friends in the end, that wouldn't hurt you one bit.

And, you may not believe it, but it is possible to not get hammered every time you go out with your mates. I've been known to not do it, and other times I have :whistle:.


Go, it sounds fun, no pressure, meeting people that are important to him, more than one person to make conversation with - it's a result, IMO.

fluffnutter

I think you're overthinking it. He likes you, he likes his mates. Perfect night out for him.

Never see it as a bad thing if a fella is happy for you to meet his crowd. Quite the opposite. Just go. You'll probably really enjoy it. And what excuse would you give if you didn't? If you try to explain yourself, to the average guy you'll sound a bit neurotic. And if you don't explain yourself, you'll sound uninterested.

ostrichnomore_2

I think I'll go then, but we are having a chat to finalise arrangements before then, so I might just tell him I'm feeling a bit nervous about a couple of aspects (meeting his friends/apparent expectations that we are all going to get mullered, when I won't be). Or would that be a mistake?

God, this dating stuff is hard. I was always rubbish at it!

System

I think its promising if he wants to show you off to his mates.:)

Joons

Bite the bullet and do it!

fluffnutter

ostrichnomore wrote: »

'If I'm seeing it as a date, and he isn't, how can I find out without looking like a berk?

Any night out with a new bird or fella, regardless of what you do, is a 'date'. It's still a chance to find out more about each other, to have fun and to flirt. Things don't need labels. It's a night out with someone you're interested in. What's not to like, girlfriend?!

ostrichnomore_2

Yeah, you're all right. I'm a bit shy so was just getting collywobbles about it. I'll go, have a good time, and just take it as an opportunity to see how he is when he's relaxed with his mates (even if i'm a nervous wreck, lol).

I think partly it's some comments he made about one of his friends - sounds like a proper !!!!-taker going to be there.

Should I tell him I'm feeling a bit nervous, or not?