How much weight do you give to sayings?

ValHaller

The value of a saying is in the underlying idea or principle it expresses.

So if there is an underlying idea which is of value, use an associated saying to express the idea. Have principles and base your life on them. Use sayings to express the principles. But don't just base your life on sayings. "Bob's your uncle" is neither an adequate basis for living your life nor a cornerstone of any useful philosophy.

Danni-R

Love this " none whatsoever unless the support my argument at the time"

And yes, I may well be a doormat. It does seem like a big game to her and I dont think thats fair. She was always trying to push me to say things I am uncomfortable with (I'm pretty guarded). She knows I wont say it so its become a battle of wills for her trying to get me to back down and say stay.

Ahhh well. Will have to wait and see what happens. If she goes, she goes.

Thanks for being a sounding board/telling me the truth about whats happening. Its all greatly appreciated :-)

System

My complicated ex is moving away and wants me to ask her to stay

How old is she, 12?

Danni-R

Little bit older than 12 thankfully.

I dont think I should ask her and I dont think its my place to ask her.

System

I tell you what will happen if you ask her to stay. When things dont work out between you, she will blame you for making her stay.

She's got to work out her own path in life, whether or not that includes you in it is up to her.

Does she know how much you love her? Does she know how much she means to you? If not then tell her.... Then the rest is down to her.

ValHaller

Danni-R wrote: »

Love this " none whatsoever unless the support my argument at the time"

I don't think you get it. The idea is to have a valid argument based on some kind of logic or philosophy. And if the saying expresses the argument, then Bob's your uncle and you can use the saying. But if there is no relevant saying, provided you are basing your thinking on some valid logic or philosophy, then Bob's your uncle and you carry on with your thinking.

Don't let the lack of a saying stop you having an idea of your own. Don't look for inspiration in sayings. Just use sayings to express your thinking.

Danni-R

I do get it. Sorry if I didnt make it clear. I get that I'm doing it the wrong way round as it were.

I just think I'm being a bit of a prat.

ValHaller

Danni-R wrote: »

I get that I'm doing it the wrong way round as it were.

I just think I'm being a bit of a prat.

I suppose the question you are really asking is whether there is any truth in the idea If you love something, let it go, if it comes back its yours forever, if it doesnt it wasnt yours in the first place.

But I would ask whether it even applies to your complicated ex as she does not seem able to make a decision for herself. She just seems to want to be wanted, perhaps with no greater interest than that.

Danni-R

I guess that would make more sense wording wise.

She can make decisions but I think this one is based on some wrong reasons.

It could be that its just a way to push 'us' into another stage and its going to back fire.

balletshoes

Danni-R wrote: »

I guess that would make more sense wording wise.

She can make decisions but I think this one is based on some wrong reasons.

It could be that its just a way to push 'us' into another stage and its going to back fire.

You're overthinking this.
She is moving, she's your ex, you've told her how you feel. End of your responsibility as far as she is concerned.