Advice separation from the man that does no wrong

[Deleted User]

I wrote on here some time ago about my own repercussions re CSA. I was contacted by the CSA last year saying they had all the information they needed to make a CSA assessment on my ex. I hadn't requested it, but think it happened automatically (doesn't work this way now) because some years ago if you were on benefits, a CSA claim would be made automatically.

Then the fun and games started..., my ex phoned offering my son access (he's 17) to a building society account set up by his grandparents if I dropped the CSA case. I pointed out that this money was supposed to be used to buy my son some significant purchase, not to maintain him.

Then I was told the CSA payments would mean he'd be homeless. He had some very iffy conversations with my poor son which only showed him up in a bad light to my son. But I had to sit with him as he cried after the conversations. I was accused of being a liar and a thief when it was quite the opposite. It was a very sad situation.

My ex pays £46 a week, still doesn't get it that he should have been paying towards his son's upkeep for the last 6 years (so he's actually got quite a bargain) and most definitely isn't homeless.

There have been many many times in the last six years when I've really struggled to buy food, pay bills etc when he had a fancy sports car and rather more than one holiday abroad a year lol. I will never be able to get much in the way of arrears as my ex told the CSA he wasn't working for much of the last five years, I've forwarded a list of former employers but they haven't pursued it. So the sooner a claim is in, the better. Sadly some men in this situation seem to forget they wanted children at one point, and wanted to go 50/50 on supporting them.

So I'd say, ignore what he says, let the CSA handle it. Please do take it up with them. I would advise ignoring the comments about limiting your children's overnight access to him. If they are happy with having access then obviously its to their benefit.

Things do calm down. There was a few months when the relationship between my son and his father broke down completely because of the CSA case, but he's started making contact again thank goodness (for the sake of our son, I'm wondering how I managed to see this man as a 'nice guy' for 10 years and never suspected he could be like this lol).