Alcoholic mum-any advice?

thorsoak

Before you encourage your mother to come back to the UK, please make sure that she will still be entitled to NHS care .....

westiedog

meritaten wrote: »

why is she an alcoholic? have you asked her? alcoholics often want to reject their lives, and use alcohol to mask their problems. any idea what caused this?
You sound like you really dislike her, is she aware of this?

Meritaten - I do not dislike her, I dislike what she is doing to herself and her family. If I disliked her I would not be looking for advice, I would be walking away.

harrys_nan

I know what you are going through as my step father was an alcoholic and also my half sister is as well, I honestly do not think you can help unless they want to help themselves and give up the drink.
My step father is now dead and I never spoke to my sister for about 3/4 years, we are back in contact as she has been getting help but Im not sure it will work even though I have never said this to her.
My heart goes out to you , take care of yourself x

peachyprice

Sorry to hear about you mum Westie.

Don't even bother wasting your time trying to figure out why she is an alcoholic, there often is no reason other than an in-built self destruct button.

My uncle is an alcoholic, he was a very successful business man who had to sell his home and hand the business over to his children before he lost the lot. He has no reason, he has a loving family and a good life.

My brother has alcoholic tendencies aswell, luckily he has the inner strength to fight it most of the time, but we all know that if anything major were to go wrong in his life he would relapse, he lives overseas and it is a constant worry for my dad, he takes a lot of time to show love and support to my brother to keep him on the straight and narrow.

I do think that there is a genetic link, my brother and uncle are very similar in personality, neither have any reason to drink, they just do when under pressure. There are other family members on my dad's side who drink too, not quite to alcoholic depths but too much.

Look after you and yours, and always remember, none of this is your fault.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Since she's sustained brain damage, the likelihood of her being able to turn this around is even less likely than ordinarily so.

Don't think you can fix her, make things better so she wouldn't need to drink, that anything you do can have any influence upon her.


AA and al-anon help some people. Others find them far too much about accepting helplessness and expecting something magic coming to save them, rather than taking control of your own life. The higher Power stuff can be a real stumbling block. It also makes your life all about them and the alcohol - when it shouldn't be all about them. Your life should be about you.


The Spanish medical system is superb. There's no need to bring her back here if she lives in Spain - and in reality, all she is likely to do is drink here instead.

Even if she's in your home, she'll be drinking unless you physically lock her in the shed for the rest of her life. If she likes living there, she should stay there - and if she's claiming it's because she's over there and it will all be fixed if you just bring her back to live with you - well, that's bull as well.


Even before we get to the possibility of her not being habitually resident in the UK, so not eligible for benefits, housing, medical treatment, etc.


In all, I'd suggest that you stay as clear as you can. Because if she's now got brain damage as a result of unintended withdrawals and suchlike, it's not going to get any better.