Alcoholic mum-any advice?

westiedog

My mum is an alcoholic and is currently in a private rehab clinic in Spain for 6 weeks for a chemical detox. She is 66 years old and now into week 3 of rehab.

Iam devastated as she has just had a brain scan and been diagnosed with wernicke-korsakoff syndrome (aka wet brain) and the doctor states the situation is grave. Any future drinking alcohol will lead to premature death.

After rehab we are hoping to get her back to the UK. Writing this down has helped a bit but I just feel so angry as my dad died in 2006 of prostate cancer and fought for his survival until the end. :mad:

Person_one

I'm sorry to hear your mum has such a severe problem, I don't blame you for feeling angry, its a natural response.

Al-anon provide support for people affected by a loved one's drinking: http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk

SuzieSue

So sorry to hear about your Mum. I really think that you should read this thread, there is some very good advice on it:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4456709

fluffnutter

westie, it's awful but you can't do anything. If mum decides to give up drinking then I guess you could try to support her, but personally I think I'd still be too angry to.

You ask for advice. What kind of advice are you looking for? Do you want to support your mum practically? Do you want to understand a bit more about wet-brain and what's likely to happen? Do you want help with your own feelings?

Having an alcoholic parent causes so many problems, both practical and emotional. It might take some time to unpick everything you feel and make sense of it. I'm not surprised you're angry - you have every right to be.

Talk to us some more.

lindseykim13

My father was/is an alchoholic, i haven't seen him for roughly 12 years due to it. You can offer to be there for them but you can't do anything really, if they want to give up they have to do it for themselves.
Be there but don't waste your life on it, you have to let go at some point or they drag you down too.
My father went to rehab a few times, was violent to my mother and myself and dissapeared for days at a time. He will never change he had plenty of oppertunity too. He has never seen his grandchildren.
Your mother needs to make a choice.

bluesnake

Westiedog, no real advice because it all your mums choice. I would not let her move in with you as her affliction will effect everyone in your household and neighbours. About the worst psychological warfare anyone can go through and often lasts decades.

To be blunt, keeping her in Spain may not be a bad idea.

The book to read is "Alcoholics Anonymous - The Big Book". Even they only claim 1 in 10, or 1 in 12 'success' rate in the book.

My neighbours mum was one and she had her 4 kids and husband in torment, running around trying to fix it but nothing helped. She died in her late 40's because of it.

My parents good friend was one. He tried to blow his head off with a shotgun and missed, blowing a hole in the wall. His wife was so upset with to ongoing sagas she ended up slipping him a tablet that if you take alcohol simulates a heart attack, but the abstenence only lasted for a few days after he left the hospital. Then came the blood transfusions, clinics. He eventually stopped with the aid of tablets.

His new poison was now barbiturates. Then came religion for a short while, then came stealing, the came other tablets and a serious heart condition.

He lived in an exclusive 5 bedroom house with a swimming pool opposite a golf course. He was a director at Ford and his wife did accounts for another business, but within 9 years he was homeless, in debt, and ended up getting his 80+ year old mom to sell her house in the UK and move into a trailer park in the middle of nowhere.

End of the day, the person has to want to change, not for the kid, or grand kids, but for themselves. They really have to want to change and take one day at time. There is no cure.

My mom was a gambling addict - very similar thing, different drug.

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/bigbook/toc.htm

happyhaddock_2

Hi westiedog, sorry to hear ahout your mum. My mum is also an alcoholic and has cirrhosis of the liver. We have so far had two "prepare yourselves for the worst" episodes, the latest being 2 weeks ago, and she is still with us! She is in complete denial and still drinking so for us it is just a matter of time.

This may sound very harsh but you have to think of yourself. You can only help them if they want to be helped. If they don't there's not much you can do other than be there and stop them taking you down with them Prior to 2 weeks ago I had had no contact with her for nearly a year, it was the only way I could stay sane.

I wish you all the best, only you can decide what is the right way for you to deal with your mum, there is no right or wrong way. Take care x

westiedog

Thank you for the replies.

I have contacted Al-anon and I am waiting for details of a local meeting. Luckily she still has a house in the UK as I could not cope with her living with me. This probably sounds harsh but I am in a job where if I make a mistake a life could be lost. Its really tough at the minute because when I do sleep I have nightmares about her shoplifting vodka. Sometimes I just wish she would just drink and not wake up as it would be a lot easier.

Im lucky to have access to counselling at work and my supervisors are aware of the situation

Mojisola

westiedog wrote: »

I have contacted Al-anon and I am waiting for details of a local meeting. Luckily she still has a house in the UK as I could not cope with her living with me.

This probably sounds harsh but I am in a job where if I make a mistake a life could be lost. Its really tough at the minute because when I do sleep I have nightmares about her shoplifting vodka.

Sometimes I just wish she would just drink and not wake up as it would be a lot easier.

Im lucky to have access to counselling at work and my supervisors are aware of the situation

You have even more reason to keep your distance because of your job and the responsibilities you have.

Alcoholics - like other addicts - can drag a lot of other people down with them. Don't let that happen to you.

Person_one

westiedog wrote: »

Thank you for the replies.

I have contacted Al-anon and I am waiting for details of a local meeting. Luckily she still has a house in the UK as I could not cope with her living with me. This probably sounds harsh but I am in a job where if I make a mistake a life could be lost. Its really tough at the minute because when I do sleep I have nightmares about her shoplifting vodka. Sometimes I just wish she would just drink and not wake up as it would be a lot easier.

Im lucky to have access to counselling at work and my supervisors are aware of the situation

It doesn't sound harsh at all.

I've met a lot of alcoholics, and even when you can tell that they are lovely, kind people deep down, the chaos that they bring to their family's lives is shocking. An awful lot are estranged from their loved ones, and I completely understand why.

meritaten

why is she an alcoholic? have you asked her? alcoholics often want to reject their lives, and use alcohol to mask their problems. any idea what caused this?
You sound like you really dislike her, is she aware of this?