Easter cards

Counting_Pennies_2

I come from a rather disfunctional family.

It was a tough childhood, and when I was in my early 20s moved away 100 miles to start a new life with my DH when his work was relocated.

It was the best thing we could have done, as I got away from the suffocating disappointment that I was to my parents.

The thing is despite the harsh comments that I am bombarded with near enough every time I speak or see them, they still expect the regular family gifts and festivities.

So Christmas cheques of exactly the same amount of money is exchanged between us. I send £50 for them to buy something nice, they send me £50. We see them in the run up to Christmas or the week after New Year (too many Christmases have been ruined in the past for me to put myself and the rest of my family through any more!)

Birthdays the same amount of money is given. I have tried gifts but I have been specifically asked for money every time.

For my birthday I will be given the same amount of money in a cheque. From about the age of 13 I was given money, as they had not got a clue what I was in to and what I would like. They never took the time to get to know me, I was always a constant disappointment!

I sent the Mothers Day card (very bland, Happy Mothers Day on the outside with blank inside) with a cheque to buy some flowers. I called on the day, had my monthly chat where I am told all about who has died, become ill, and all about the importance of my two sisters lives who live nearby, then total disregard for anything I have to say. She didn't mention the card I had sent. I then got a call this week to thank me for the card it arrived in the post, no date mark. Assumed I had sent it late. When I insisted I had sent it, she remarked post is dreadful where she lives. She then apologised for all the evil thoughts she had had about me because the card had not been received. The very least I could have done was send a card.

Now it is Easter. They insist on sending the children presents and cards, and then sent us one


I really want to get out of the cycle of these cards etc.

Would anyone think it ok for me not to bother, or is it the done thing to send cards?

Do other families send them?

Tiddlywinks

I send cards because I want to... that is the point of it... to send best wishes to those you care about.

This to-ing and fro-ing of gifts and cards that you've described is very strange - it just seems to be going through the motions rather than actually meaning something.

Do your parents really understand how you feel about them?

How would you feel if you didn't have regular contact?

Counting_Pennies_2

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I send cards because I want to... that is the point of it... to send best wishes to those you care about.

This to-ing and fro-ing of gifts and cards that you've described is very strange - it just seems to be going through the motions rather than actually meaning something.

Do your parents really understand how you feel about them?

How would you feel if you didn't have regular contact?

I guess the thing is because I am always a huge disappointment I know there will be a massive backlash for not sending one. Yet again I will have let them down. Confirmed what they have always said about me. I just find the constant exchange of cheques exhausting. I speak about once a month as that is all I can bear. But my husband and I both agree it is important our children see them a couple of times a year so they know who they are. I guess I have answered my own question. For the sake of relative peace I will have to keep sending them. Just seen the post from them and it has started up the debate in the house again

daisiegg

I have never in my life sent or received an Easter card!

Tiddlywinks

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

I guess the thing is because I am always a huge disappointment I know there will be a massive backlash for not sending one. Yet again I will have let them down. Confirmed what they have always said about me.

This post feels so sad. Have you ever told your mother how you feel? You need to tell her that you feel like you are a disappointment to them and then see what she says... she may surprise you.

daisiegg wrote: »

I have never in my life sent or received an Easter card!

I come from a Christian family and we send each other cards. Easter is just as important to the faith (if not more) than Christmas.

lostinrates

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I come from a Christian family and we send each other cards. Easter is just as important to the faith (if not more) than Christmas.

Nevertheless, not all Christians send cards to celebrate either event!

daisiegg

lostinrates wrote: »

Nevertheless, not all Christians send cards to celebrate either event!

Exactly - it made me laugh how that previous poster assumed I was not Christian. I was brought up Catholic and have many devout members of my family. None of them send Easter cards - even my cousin the priest. If anything I think the feeling is that it is tacky to commercialise the most important event on the Christian calendar.

(ETA - so sorry to the OP for derailing the thread)

Tiddlywinks

lostinrates wrote: »

Nevertheless, not all Christians send cards to celebrate either event!

My post wasn't a challenge! Just an possible explanation in answer to the poster who had never sent any cards... can't see why this caused you to comment with the exclamation mark.

It's a matter of personal preference isn't it?

Anyway, back to the OP... it's not just the Easter cards is it? It's about their relationship with their parents and how it works.

Counting_Pennies_2

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

This post feels so sad. Have you ever told your mother how you feel? You need to tell her that you feel like you are a disappointment to them and then see what she says... she may surprise you.



I come from a Christian family and we send each other cards. Easter is just as important to the faith (if not more) than Christmas.

It is a hard one my mother specifically won't listen to reason. She often reminisces about our childhood saying how special it was and recalls events I wasn't even at. All of it was before my time.

She is in another world.

At a rare extended family gathering towards the end of last year a great aunt came up to me and congratulated me on making a good life for myself. She said she was always worried for me that my parents just didn't seem to have time for me. I was not the boy they had longed for.

When my mother did not receive a thank you soon enough after my dd was born I explained I had postnatal depression and was struggling. I had asked her on numerous occasions if she would help me but apart from the new born picture with her holding baby looking doting granny she was not prepared to help "you know we would if we could". So on hearing I had postnatal depression she said been there done that got the tshirt. I have to admit I was so shocked I put the phone down and cried. She then bombarded me with messages on the answer phone telling me never to behave like that again how dare I treat her with such rudeness. About every year or so I can't take it any more and voice my frustrations and get told off or to stop being silly it just gets me down . So now I just keep to the necessary to keep the peace but it does get to me.

lostinrates

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

My post wasn't a challenge! Just an possible explanation in answer to the poster who had never sent any cards... can't see why this caused you to comment with the exclamation mark.

It's a matter of personal preference isn't it?

Anyway, back to the OP... it's not just the Easter cards is it? It's about their relationship with their parents and how it works.

My apologies for offending you with an exclamation mark, Nothing offensive was meant. As I am sure you meant none when you exclaimed in response. .


Edit: it's not only a matter of preference, for some its a moral decision, or one dictated by custom of their denomination. Its also geographic.

I certainly agree the relationship, not the cards, are the 'real' issue.

annie_d

Counting_Pennies. You could be me. I dont discuss stuff like that but yes, for the sake of peace....just continue while you need to xxx