Hoarding - Springing Ahead

thriftwizard

Car now half-empty, coffers a fair bit fuller! Off to drop the remaining unsold clothing into the Salvation Army bin and a box full of jewellery-making stuff to the Tip - findings, dead necklaces etc. - I expect someone else will pick it up there, and hopefully get more use out of it than I did!

I did succumb to temptation & invest in 3 items, one of them quite big (an old handmade carpenter's box in VGC for £5, perfect for a window seat that will also store fabric & Sylkos) but all for immediate use. But far more has gone out than has come in, so I'm happy!

Knit_Witch

2 more bags out to the chazzer!

Aaleigha

thriftwizard wrote: »

Car now half-empty, coffers a fair bit fuller! Off to drop the remaining unsold clothing into the Salvation Army bin and a box full of jewellery-making stuff to the Tip - findings, dead necklaces etc. - I expect someone else will pick it up there, and hopefully get more use out of it than I did!

I did succumb to temptation & invest in 3 items, one of them quite big (an old handmade carpenter's box in VGC for £5, perfect for a window seat that will also store fabric & Sylkos) but all for immediate use. But far more has gone out than has come in, so I'm happy!

I am pleased to hear more has gone out than come in - not so sure we can say that of last weekend :rotfl:

Knit_Witch wrote: »

2 more bags out to the chazzer!

well done on that due to my 'find' this afternoon
I have four to go which hubby will drop off tomorrow afternoon - and he has taken two very large bin bags of rubbish to put in the works skip - I used to be very proud of myself for only having half a bin or less a fortnight - guess I am making up for it now

but along with everyone else on here I am now doing something about it

well done to all

thriftwizard

Nothing doing yesterday; it was a bit of a rest day after an exhausting Saturday. But I'm going to try to do the same this week - a bin-bag a day - and cross my fingers that I do end up with a visible difference at the end of it. Everything is still very muddly... but it's Guild next Saturday, and I have 3 large items going onto the Sales table there, and quite a lot of other bits n'bobs to shift in that direction.

Curiously, the porch looks quite a bit better, although I haven't done anything specific in there; just grabbed the odd bag of stuff to go with other similar things as & when they're moving out - i.e. a bag of winter hats to go to the car boot sale, with "culled" clothing from my stall. But I caught sight of it from the street whilst walking the neighbour's pooch yesterday & it actually looked quite civilised. I'm hoping I can achieve the same effect in the conservatory this week...

thriftwizard

Right - out today went a laundry bin with woodworm, filled with curtain lining & polyester "bump" from a big pair of damaged curtains. The fabric from the front, a very pretty early-90s chintz, is priced up & on my stall. The remainder of the car boot bits are either disposed of or on my stall, which now looks amazingly tidy after a re-shuffle.

Tomorrow I intend to raid my stock shed. There's stuff in there taking up room that could be better used, for things that do earn me money. It can be given away; I'll try to make arrangements to drop it off to the charity that takes it out to Uganda, where they do amazing & fabulous things with it. Then at least two suitcases of stuff can leave the conservatory & be stored in the proper place.

In other news, it appears that DS2 & TDiL are now deadly serious about emigrating to Wales, and are ready to go at the drop of a job interview. Whilst we'll miss them, it's high time they had some space of their own, and if it takes going 220 miles, then that's what it takes. It could be much further - and nowhere near as lovely! And - we'd have some space back - which I will NOT fill up with random rubbish!

ETA: I'm on a roll. 2 Bond hand-operated knitting machines Freecycled successfully tonight... I'm not in any danger of having time to learn how to use them for a few years! It actually seems to be getting easier as I go along...

Further edit: a large bag of zips & ribbons and another of fabric has already been dropped off to the charity collectors, who live just around the corner from DD2's dance tutor's workshop, where I was picking her up from. I dropped in to double-check what they're currently in need of, & it just so happened that I had some of it already in the car! It'll be followed by several biscuit tins full of buttons, other haberdashery bits and more fabric; they send out a pack of fabric & haberdashery with every machine that's donated.

thriftwizard

I just want to emphasise this, to encourage everyone out there struggling with hoarding issues: it really does get easier as you go along.

I know all too well how overwhelming it is when you open a door & the piled-up stuff inside starts to slide & threatens to swamp you. You know that there's good stuff in there alongside the rubbish & you're going to tackle it as soon as you have the time... but somehow there never is enough time. And people stop visiting, and your kids won't bring their partners home, and you're fed up with making excuses, and you couldn't feel any lower without actually burrowing into the ground...

So you start to do something about it, but everyone around you suddenly seems to be reacting with alarm & panic - you're trying to climb out of your box! Or, worse, they go overboard & want to dispose of everything & live in an empty grey space... so you end up feeling worse again, and exhausted by the effort to carve out a middle way.

But once you get going, it's like a head of steam building up in a railway engine; you realise that comforting though the familiar mess is, you really don't want to live with it any longer, and you start to move forwards. And a little bit of success goes a very long way; overcoming that initial inertia is hard, but once the wheels really start to turn & the mass starts shifting, you're going forwards. It'd be daft to put the brakes on & stop short of where you want to be.

Whilst I'm a long way from being a Kondo disciple, a fair bit of what she has to say makes sense to me. And the idea of things wanting to be well-kept, and set free if they're no longer wanted, somehow resonates with me. I may have acquired or rescued things with the best of intentions, but if they are just stagnating here, it's right & proper to pass them on to someone who will use them. I can sell them, or give them away; it makes no difference, except perhaps to my bank balance! But for each & every item worth passing or selling on, there's at least one that is past all reasonable use and just needs to be disposed of. That's hard, for me, because I have to face the fact that I've not been a good steward of these items. But it is as it is, and ignoring it isn't going to help.

So take heart & get stuck in. Every little makes a difference, and once one bit clears, it makes it that little bit easier to tackle the next. It doesn't all happen at once, and it can't, because it takes time for your heart to follow your head & your hands. Someone once just skipped some of my stuff whilst I was away, & I just replaced it, even though I appreciated having the space back. It's still an unresolved issue, because in my outrage that they'd disposed of my stuff without asking, I failed to appreciate how overwhelmed they were feeling by my accumulation of stuff that to them is just junk.

And that's what all is this about, really, isn't it? Unresolved feelings, conflicts & traumas. But even if you can't resolve them, you can face up to them, and just naming them WILL make you feel better and more able to tackle the build-up of physical detritus that is the result of suppressing them. It's kind of like scar tissue, building up around your invisible wounds.

This thread has been a really powerful motivator for me; all of your help & support has been invaluable & I can't thank you all enough. Off now to get dressed & tackle that shed...

seven-day-weekend

Brilliant and insightful post, thriftwizard, helps non-hoarders like me to understand more. xx

Can I just ask a question (don't answer if it is too personal). You mentioned that to, other people, some of your stuff is just junk. Can I ask what makes it NOT junk, to you? That again will help with understanding, but I will understand if you don't wish to answer.

Thanks.

thriftwizard

No, I'm very happy to answer, seven-day-weekend. I'll reply first in relation to the stuff that causes the most friction in our household.

Most old sewing machines (and other old tools) will still work, and work well, and were built before anyone thought of built-in obsolescence. They're still in everyday use in less "developed" parts of the world - and indeed, still being made there, but a new one is out of most people's budgets - and can enable someone to keep their family fed when they've lost everything else to drought, sickness or war. Fabric & stuff that we don't think of as interesting - 1980s curtains, say, or old buttons or metal zips - they see as a Godsend.

Machines that really don't work any more can contribute parts to those that will with a little bit of help. Those parts would cost quite a bit to buy new, more than I usually have to pay for a whole "dead" machine, in fact. So I do occasionally take on wrecks, to contribute spare parts thatI know I need, or will need. But sometimes I'm not as quick to strip them down & get rid of the carcasses as I might be. Even the carcasses are of use to the charity; the collector takes them to the scrapyard and the money raised helps send the working machines & haberdashery bundles out to Africa. But they're collected on a different cycle to the working ones, so there are always a few kicking around, and a bag or two of fabric/habby. To me it isn't junk, but to OH it's just a horrible mess; someone else could be doing this, surely? Or people in other countries could stop supporting corrupt dictators & just look after themselves... as far as he's concerned, my attempts to help are just patronising & taking up time & space that could be better used.

I also sell shiny machines on, and interesting fabrics, etc. This small income enables me not to have to work full-time; we have an offspring with an "invisible" AS-type disability, and elderly relatives nearby who until recently I have been the main support for, & working full-time would mean having to pay others to "cover" the things I would not then be free to do. So we wouldn't be any further ahead financially if I did cave in, get a "proper" job (which didn't involve clutter!) & earn more.

I see it all the time myself; I take on things I personally wouldn't give tuppence for because I know other people WILL. But I'm still learning not to take on too many of them! In the meantime I do have a certain amount of stock at home, undergoing renovation or just being stored until the summer pop-up markets & events. I keep most of this in a 5' x 7' shed, but even the shed itself is just more clutter to someone who would like our garden to be one vast, mossy-green flawless lawn and nothing else, as are our attempts to grow herbs & vegetables. Never mind the chicken run... it's a case of horses for courses; he's for the Grand National course & I'm happier pottering around a farmyard somewhere!

And to OH, to give another example, old family photos are just junk & he would get rid of them without a backwards glance. But to me, they are precious memories, a little slice of domestic history, & should be passed down to my children's children in as good condition as possible; we have family photo albums from the 1890s and the girls & I love poring over them, seeing the likenesses, wondering about their lives. I'm not sentimental enough to keep the really bad ones, but I do have a big box of prints & albums that I'm not inclined to declutter; I would like to make up an album for each of the offspring to take on when they have kids of their own, and keep the family history going. It's not junk to me, though it might well be (is, in fact!) to someone who doesn't have that interest in the past or future.

OH, on the other hand, would keep every bank statement, pay slip, guarantee or instruction booklet any of us has ever had. He gets very distressed when I shred ones that are over 7 years old or belong to equipment that's departed this life. He also collects football programmes; there is a vast library of them up in the loft and about 30-odd boxes in our bedroom & any other bedroom not currently occupied. You can get several hundred in each box... many of them are carefully wrapped in plastic, as are his sports books. I probably get as frustrated with his boxes of programmes as he does with my stock, old machines & fabric/yarn/paper based hobby/business stuff! But I do accept that these are precious to him, and therefore not junk either.

We probably have very little real junk. There is a pile of old newspapers, which goes to next door's guinea pigs once a month. All other "recycling" paper goes straight out into the recycling bins, as do empty bottles and everything else except jam jars, which I do use, in season. There's sometimes stock that hasn't sold; out-of-season clothing, warm but not colourful blankets & the like. I will donate this to something appropriate like the lass down the road who distributes it directly to the homeless in our area. But not one item at a time; I wait until I have a bag full as she has even less storage than we do & would have to make umpteen trips down to the city to dispense it all. Sometimes I realise that something I've brought back to renovate is further gone than I thought, like the laundry bin I disposed of yesterday. If there hadn't been woodworm in the base, I would have got £12 for it, having paid 50p; that's a better rate of interest than the bank give me! (But of course I have rent & pitch fees to pay, and my time to account for.) I saw another trader pick it straight up when I put it down...

It all boils down to one man's meat being another man's poison. I'm happy living in a joyful-but-manageable clutter of colourful, friendly, useful things; other people find blank walls, neutral colours & straight lines more soothing & home-like. My problems are: a) unanticipated time pressures meant the clutter became unmanageable, and some of the stuff I was storing actually became real junk whilst in my care and b) OH grew up in a very different style of home to me, isn't at all happy with the way things are, and has the weight of societal expectations & current style trends on his "side".

Hope that answers you adequately!

seven-day-weekend

Thank you so much thriftwizard for that full and informative reply. My own take|:

I was wondering while reading why you didn't keep the sewing machines in a shed, I thought they were all in the house. I don't think sewing machines that are in a shed are junk or clutter, I think it is very worthwhile what you are doing with them. We have just half an hour ago ordered a shed (in fact a cabin, 10x8) for our new bungalow, for my husband to keep all his motorbike stuff and tools in. Not junk. I will have to keep him organised i however, and make sure he puts enough shelves and cupboards in it, otherwise he will just bung things in there and then not be able to find anything

However I personally would class the defunct instruction manuals as junk, and also possibly most of the photos, but maybe that's because my son (also on the AS spectrum) is now 35 and wouldn't be in the slightest bit interested in most of them.

I do keep financial information, in fact I only recently shredded some of my husband's payslips from his Teachers' Pension going back to 2004. I decided from 2010 was more than enough to keep.

Thanks again, most informative xx

thriftwizard

Today's tally: 5 bulky kitchen items, barely used, listed on Ebay. A car full of cardboard boxes (must keep original packaging! But not when you've passed the point by which you could reasonably return it) and random bits of painted wood etc. from the garden taken to the Tip - no use for the fire, or anything else, for that matter.

Sadly I came back with a bootful. Two glorious big blankets, one crocheted & one hand-knitted, both in need of a small amount of TLC - one evening in front of the TV will sort them both - which will sell in a flash. An armful of old-fashioned lampshades with pleats & fringes; these sell well & quickly when they're in good nick, as these are. A musical box, working, presentable & saleable, and a print from the artist whose pictures adorn our otherwise-rather-boring bathroom.

Oh, and three more pairs of good, fashionable shoes donated to a charity shop in passing. I know I shall need some smart shoes before the summer's out, I can't live in Havaianas all the time. But I don't need to hang onto smart shoes that hurt my feet...

ETA: tomorrow & the next day will be a bit more of a challenge, to get rid of a bin-bag's-worth a day, because I'm out for just about all day both days. However I don't want to lose momentum, so I shall have to find something bulky to tackle!