Wifes £25k Debt

[Deleted User]

Never understood this my money, your money thing when your married. Its all both your money surely?

Then again the fact that she's spent £25K is an issue. Again thats the problem with split money - one can go off on a spree like this.

Much better IMHO to have one pot with joint spending decisions surely?

Thrifty_Pixie

[quote=[Deleted User];60121743]Never understood this my money, your money thing when your married. Its all both your money surely?

Then again the fact that she's spent £25K is an issue. Again thats the problem with split money - one can go off on a spree like this.

Much better IMHO to have one pot with joint spending decisions surely?[/QUOTE]

i take your point but personally i disagree. IMO you lose all sense of self and independence if you merge absolutely everything, and my DH agrees. we have a joint account that we put a fixed amount into each month for all bills/joint expenses (i.e most things) and then keep the rest of our earnings in our own accounts for personal spending money. any extra we individually build up in our accounts (say, if we don't go out at all, or i can keep my DH away from eBay ) we then scoop into our mortgage/savings. we both also have personal credit cards, which are cashback and paid off each month (although DH sometimes puts work fuel on his and claims it back so it also keeps things simpler). if DH felt he had to ask me if he could buy every DVD or computer game and vice versa it would drive us potty.

of course you have to be totally honest with each other about your finances, but then honesty is what marriage SHOULD be about, eh?

dangermouse1_2

Thank all for your replies.

Our mortgage is joint. We have seperate finances because we married later on in life and both like our independence. We both put into the joint house 'pot'. Maybe we will have to rethink that with the situation at hand. We're going to meet with the CAB. I'm going to get the wife to phone the CC companies to see if they can block the cards and halt interest until we can work out a plan. I''ll also be addressing her spending habits. If I have to get a mortgage I'd rather get a seperate one from our house mortgage. Then at least we know what level 'her' debt is at. I know we're married, and in it together, but the responsibility must be borne by her. I can help out but can't do everything.

DM

ILW

What did she spend it on?

lvm

As above, what has she bought?

Although you pay in equally to a "pot", is her salary dramatically less than hers and you both lead a lifestyle only you can afford? Does she work part time or not at all (or in the past) to look after kids?

Totally agree with you that you shouldn't add to mortgage and take responsibility for it but maybe you could help cut joint bills/socialising/holidays for a bit...

pompeyred

Ignore what she bought - who cares....?

If you're prepared to take on the debt (as I expect you would be/are) then find the cheapest way of servicing the debt. The mortgage might sound cheaper in monthly payments but it'll take forever and you'll pay way over the odds. No doubt the difficult conversation has been had so get it onto a mid term loan and suffer the repayments.

Thrifty_Pixie

pompeyred wrote: »

Ignore what she bought - who cares....?

wrong attitude completely - it is important. if they're going to address her over-spending habits they need to analyse what's triggering her to overspend...and that can be done by looking at what she's spending money ON.

[Deleted User]

ILW wrote: »

What did she spend it on?

Would be interesting to know. After all if it was for stuff for both of you isnt it different?

Also, how come you didnt notice her spending it? £25K is a lot - surely she must have come home with loads of new clothes etc.

[Deleted User]

lvm wrote: »

As above, what has she bought?

Although you pay in equally to a "pot", is her salary dramatically less than hers and you both lead a lifestyle only you can afford? Does she work part time or not at all (or in the past) to look after kids?

Totally agree with you that you shouldn't add to mortgage and take responsibility for it but maybe you could help cut joint bills/socialising/holidays for a bit...

Thats always the problem. If one earns more than the other - do you still both provide the same to the pot? One ends up skint, the other loaded maybe.

And of course, if theres child care it might mean part-time for someone. Do you still make them pay the same? Could get silly- you getting cross-charged for childcare of your kids lol

dangermouse1_2

Hi all.

She has little to show for it. She says it's just starbucks coffees, M&S meals, massages, treatments etc. Stuff for herself as all the household blls are paid from the joint account and a lot of the biggies I'll stump up for. She's not got a passion for shoes, handbags or the like. I wish we had a new car to show for it. The debt is over the last 6 years so I never really noticed. I did think she was living above her means a bit but she was putting her bit into the family so I didn't think too much about it. She puts in less than I do as she earns a bit less than I.

DM