Do I deserve this for being a b!tch?

marisco_2

Gingernutty wrote: »

I know you're young and all, but in one breath you're telling us you're quite shy, reserved, sensitive and easily hurt by someone's words and the next, you appear to be a teenage Joan Rivers.

I thought that too. OP the solution to your problem is simple. Become more discerning when choosing who to mix and socialise with. Are these really the kind of people you want to spend, what should be the happiest and most carefree years of your life with?

meritaten

lola - this girl is winding you up to look smart in front of the others!
She can only do that if you let her - so practice being 'smart' by either ignoring provocative comments or getting up and walking away!
Why would you sit there and let her keep going with her character assassination - because that is what she is doing.
Now, you are not stupid and you have worked out that she thinks she is being clever and for now your friends are letting her get away with it.
YOU already know that she does it to them behind their backs - that tells me that she wants you out of the group. Do NOT play her game.
I would just walk away from her when she starts on you - If you are not there my guess is that she will Beetch behind your back - and your friends will probably turn on her. If you stay and let her demean you - then they will feel no need to defend you!
You following me? its a complicated group dynamic and this person wants to be the leader of the pack - but without you!
if your friends don't stick up for you once you depart, or simply hang on her every word - then perhaps they aren't your friends?
Good luck hun!

caeler

I have to say 'life is too short' for you to feel like this. I promise you this. I will now share my experience. After leaving middle school all my closest friends went to other schools or despite going to the secondary school I went to ended up in a class that had opposite timetables so I never saw them. I ended up with a single closest friend (who actually didn't treated me very well) and I was completed isolated and fairly unhappy. I vowed when I started college everything would be different. I made myself be more outgoing and friendly to lots of different people and I actually made friends. I was scared, worried, nervous at the time but it got easier. College was great, I didn't even have to be there if I didn't want to. I could change courses if I wasn't getting on. It was more flexible then school. Some of those people I met are still my bestest friends 10+ years later. Do something now or you will regret it. You will be getting a job in no time at all and all this playground sillyness will be a long distance memory. I know.

Lilith1980

Lola.rose wrote: »

I admit to being !!!!!y, I just don't think she has the right to berate me for this when she has said far worse, without qualified reason about perfectly nice people she hardly knows. SHes !!!!!ed about Nat, and then later said to me I was wrong to when I hardly had any input in that conversation.

Sometimes people throw stuff at others about how they act, when it's actually a personality trait for THEM. So maybe Nita is throwing this stuff at you because she knows she is similar?

It seems like Nita can really wind you up - so why let her? You can't change other people but you can change how you react to them. I have learnt this, and it sounds daft when you first think about it but it is so true and I have learnt to let go of irritating things I think about people because of it

Let her get on with her self-righteous talk - if you allow yourself to get wound up about it, it's hurting no one but you.

aileth

The 'friends' I was 'friends' with at 16 are no longer my 'friends.' I think that says it all. Don't worry too much, just wait until you're a bit older and can add them on Facebook and laugh at them being fat.

Robin_TBW

If the two you actually like won't stick up for you and get the !!!!!y one to stop then !!!! them all and move along from the lot of them. None of them are doing you any good.

podperson

I'm not going to say it's your fault but by acting the way you have been doing you are giving her a weapon to use against you. You don't like her b!tching about you but you've been acting in the same way to other people. You don't like her bringing up times when you've said nasty things about other people - so maybe think about the way you behave and if you want to work on that.

As to the current situation though. Your choices seem to be as follows:
take a step back from the group, try and make the effort to interact and make friends with other people. I very much doubt this is as 'impossible' as you seem to think as friendship groups can change all the time.
continue as you have been doing, stay in the group and ignore her as much as possible - it's the easy option but as you've seen it's upsetting and quite frustrating.
stay in the group but stand up to her more. I don't think the 'tit for tat' option is a good one, but maybe just cut her off with something like 'yes, I probably shouldn't have said that - but I can't change it now' and then change the subject.

Have you spoken to the other two girls about the fact that Nita is upsetting you so much. Perhaps they see it as just 'harmless banter' and don't realise how much it's getting to you. If after knowing that it's upsetting you they still sit there and let her constantly criticise you then tbh I'd be thinking about how good friends they really are - especially if you say they acted the same way previously when you were being bullied.

partialycloudy

She is picking on you as she sees you as an easy target. And the others won't stand up to you as they dont want her to start on them.

We ALL say b*tchy comments! God I'm in my 20's and the amount of b*tchy comments that go on in my work place is enough to make you think you are back in the playground!

If you sit there and take it she will just keep doing it. You need to stand up for yourself (easier said then done i know). You don't have to be aggressive or confrontational, just keep calm.

Your other friends may very well feel the same about her but are too scared to pull away.

All the best hun. x

n0785

I had to comment on this.
I too have been in your position and it only escalated further after we all moved into a flat for university together. At the time I would not have called it bullying but now I most certainly do and I am mad that I ever put up with it. After one year of verbal, emotional and a few things fired at me(to show off i suppose) I moved out and came back home. I have never been happier, we remained friends however as she "dominated" the group as you say but suddenly about 6 months ago she stopped speaking to me over something I never done. I expect she wanted me to run after her to beg - did I? Did i heck. Not only that I have been way happier and also our other friends whom she tried to turn against me now see what has happened and we are closer than ever.

I'm 21, so I do understand at 16 it is harder to stick up for yourself as this was the exact same thing for me. 5 years later and I finally plucked up the courage and stood up for myself and never looked back.

Chick, it may be 5 months from now or 5 years but people always realize what other people are like. I easily could have stepped back and lost my other friends but I simply asked myself why should I?

At 16 I was trying to fit in with the crowd too so said nothing, which I regret now but what you could do the next time something happens to try to defend yourself a bit more - easier said than done I know.

When the same thing that happened to me, happens you, you will look back and say I was a fool and too soft but now I have the best friends ever and don't need to be wary of what I do or say when the other person is there.;);)

Gigglepig

You say there is not a lot of choice in college but surely there are other people than these 3. Would it help to try to socialise with more people so you are less reliant on this clique of girl? Perhaps there are some quiet, kind people you just haven't given a chance yet?