Do we stay or do we go?

belfastgirl23

I think this is mostly about your last question rather than the others. It is a scary thing to do. I kind of think you're thinking about the practical stuff (like size of apartment and money) because it's easier to pin the feelings on this than to admit to yourself (and maybe to DH as well) that you're worried about being lonely. I do think you should still do it though but that you should acknowledge to your husband that this is a concern that you have, it's perfectly reasonable, and ask him to think about how much time he'll have to commit to the family while he's there. He should be able to get some idea of this from the others in the company who have already been there.

I'd also like to talk to some of the others who have been there (esp if any women have done it) just to get their take on it. But I'd be doing all of this by way of preparing myself rather than by way of making a decision, I do think your DH would feel upset if you were due to go and then didn't. Would any of your family or his family think of holidaying out there during the time you're there? Having this to look forward to would help a lot. I know they couldn't stay with you but it would be an interesting thing to do if anyone could afford it. You'll also still be able to use this site, keep in touch via internet etc. And there are often web resources for 'foreigners' in other countries that you might be able to use to meet like minded people.

Just to say, you're right to be nervous, it is a big step. I think trying to find out as much as possible and prepare yourself will be a big help. But I think it would be a fantastic experience and one you'd really regret not taking up in the future.

foreign_correspondent

Hi,
personally I would go _ I am in rotterdam at the moment for 10 months whilst OH studies here - he was offered a 4 month placement in Japan, but his uni would not allow me to go with him, as the exchange uni provided the accomodation for 1 person, and his home uni were very obtuse and wouldnt engage in any debate about whether it was possible to compromise.
We had a big dilemma about what to do, I didnt want to hold him back, but on the other hand didnt want to resent him swanning about in japan for 4 months whilst I carried on working and paying the mortgage! Eventually we decided to come here instead as it was more autonomous, we could find our own place to live and both come. However, finding a flat in a foreign country is not easy! its surprising how much rules and regulations differ! At least your accomodation will be found and paid for!

I would get the OH to go an have a chat with (or put it in writing to) the person in charge of allocating accomodation that he has a wife and 2 small children who will be staying in the accomodation with him, and to butter them up a bit and explain that whilst he understands that resources are limited and isnt asking for any special dispensations, but that he would be really grateful if they would take this into consideration when allocating acomodation. He should perhaps also mention what would be important (space in the apartment, proximity to public trasport, shops etc) Even if a 1 bed apartmentis all they can offer, the kids will survive sleeping on cots/ z bds for 6 months!


Also look at expatica.com for expat news and forums for a variety of countries, then go! You will meet people there, especially with small kids. Its only 6 months, its not far to pop home to see family and friends for a few days, and you can invite them over to come and see stockholm, even if you cannot put them up.

BernadetteN

Wow you are so lucky that you are able to join your husband. One bedroom for 4 people is better than being left in the UK alone.

My husband is a diplomat and is working at a British Embassy abroad for 6 months from March to Spetember. He is THE ONLY member of staff who is not entitled to have his family accompany him, meaning that I am left at home with 4 kids between the ages of 1 and 10. In order to visit him (which we are allowed to do), we have to pay over £250 for our visas and over £750 for our flights. I am unhappy that his posting is unaccompanied only and would prefer to have the family of 6 together in Moscow, even in a one bedroomed flat.

Sorry I'm not trying to get at you, just trying to persuade you that you really should not pass on this opportunity. You could perhaps have a sofabed in the living room and give the children the bedroom. Also the transport issue shouldn't be too bad as I'm sure Stockholm has great public transport (try travelling around Moscow with 4 kids and no car and you'll find Stockholm easy peasy). Obstacles can always be overcome. It's not forever and a small sacrifice to be able to live and experience a different country at company expense.

lynzpower

Have you been to stockholm before Madsmum?

I went a wyhile back ( c 2 years) and was staggered, everyone speaks english. I went to visit this chap i met travelling, he was a quantum physicist, and he lived in a town just outside stockholm .He told me that his whole university was taught in english. Likewise, drinks out, directions, being chatted upo all in English, I was so surprised there was no language barrier at all.

i suppose tv and newspapers might be tricky, but saying that the lad I met said tht had loads of UK tv on thier channels ( amazingly we export the likes of holiday reps uncovered and street wars :eek: to the swedes, nice to know our culture spreading far and wide :rolleyes: he also said they show eastenders!) but you cna read news on line.

Why not book yourself a real cheapie ryan air flight ( i only paid a tenner for mine return) spend a couple of days in a cheapo youth hostel or something and see what I mean.

I agree Stockholm has fantastic public transport and very few people have cars. its nice & flat for the buggies as well. the tube system & trams are great.

I loved sweden, i love everything about it, the people are warm & freindly, Stockholm itself is utterly beautiful and there is loads to see and do. Also bear in mind our continental neighbours are much more family focused than we are and kids are a pleasure there not a nuisance. I wouldnt even consider not going- yes it might be poky, but also it might not.

Youll always have your freinds here on MSE wherever inthe world you are

lynzpower

also might be worth looking on the thorn tree forum on the lonely planet website, theres a section "long haul, living & working abroad," which is full of good info and people arrange meet ups etc.

Rachie_B

BernadetteN wrote: »

Wow you are so lucky that you are able to join your husband. One bedroom for 4 people is better than being left in the UK alone.
.

I agree

its only 6 months go for it OP !

cobbingstones

Thank you all so very much and If I could give you all a meaningful hug I would.

with love

MM

lynzpower

so have you had any more thoughts on it? Whats your feeling now?

foreign_correspondent

...which I hope you do - as I am living abroad at the moment I do have some advice!
Check out what furniture etc the new apartment has, dont take anything you dont need to as its not that cheap to transport.
Does it have bedding, pots and pans etc? If not can you buy the basics there cheaply? ikea prices seem pretty constant in europe.
UK tvs and phones dont usually work on the continent so dont take em, you may well be able to get bbc1 and 2 via terrestrial tv though (we can in holland).
Store as much stuff as you can with friends and family.
Get an European health insurance card for all family members - you can apply online, free! https://www.ehicard.org
Stock up on any regular prescriptions before you go.
Remember, its only temporary - 6 months will fly by and you can get by with just the basic essentials!
I hope it all works out for you! and hope its fun, although the getting organised is a nightmare at the time!!

ps I think the idea someone else posted about sending hubby ahead with the car loaded up then you following on by plane is a good one and maximises the amount of stuff you can take (more space in the car for stuff with no passengers, and a shorter less stressful journey for you and the kids, where you can take another load of luggage along too!)

poe.tuesday

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

...

ps I think the idea someone else posted about sending hubby ahead with the car loaded up then you following on by plane is a good one and maximises the amount of stuff you can take (more space in the car for stuff with no passengers, and a shorter less stressful journey for you and the kids, where you can take another load of luggage along too!)

That's an excellent idea and would be so much easier on the whole family

I think it would take about 3 days to drive there getting a boat to Germany, if he gets the boat to Denmark then the drive is much less, you can then fly over a few days later once he has settled in a bit and knows how to buy milk and all that stuff