the fight's left me and it's time to catch myself on

mrsrwallace

Here we go, nearly a year after my first postings and I am finding myself about to go mad. For those who know my history and all the cr*p that has been my life for the last while then I apologise for this post. There had finally been light at the end of the tunnel and there seemed to be hope for holding on to the house but the OHs new job is not the saviour we thought it would be.

It has actually left us out of pocket as the expenses involved in commuting, wear and tear on the car and fixing this and fixing that means we are struggling AGAIN. The cost of everything is increasing yet the income is not. As a family we never see each other and I just flipped my lid the other day when I actually thought I was going to do something VERY stupid. The pressure of struggling to pay this IVA and mortgage and being overdrawn all the time is wearing me down. I have had ENOUGH. My health has deteriorated badly this last while, especially my mental health and I am constantly stressed and agitated and I have become a very angry person.

I just do not see the point of continuing like this any more. Our house is now worth less than half what we bought it for yet we will be paying it off til we are ready for our zimmer frames. Our children have NO standard of living at all and we are back to getting food parcels off our families. This is BEYOND ridiculous. I am SICK to the back teeth of people (trying to be helpful) telling me that we are in the same boat as a lot of other people. That is SO true but knowing that other people are as desperate as us does not make me feel any better.

So I flipped the lid as the stress and pressure got to me. I cried like a baby as I just don't see the point any more. It's a sad way to be when all we have to look forward to is the day we die. There is nothing but misery in this house, nobody laughs or smiles and we are exhausted trying to work all hours and for what? Bricks and mortar? Our children hate being here with us as all we do is shout and I really do think we are close to a mental breakdown or whatever the official term is. I have been through sh1te for what seems like an eternity and I for one can take no more of it. I tested the water with him this evening and just threw it out there........"will we just give back the keys?" I said. He just nodded.

So folks it seems like the inevitable has finally arrived. The plan is to have a proper full conversation when the two of us aren't sitting exhausted and try and have a plan. I reckon just keep enough for a deposit for a rental house and secure a place to move to first then when we are settled let the lender know we are unable to keep going as we were and let them do their worst. I have no fight left in me now. I just want a night where I can sleep easy without wondering do I put my last tenner on electric or food.

So apologies for the moaning but I thought I would give an update on the life and times of mrsrwallace, she who has now decided to throw in the towel. You gotta know when you're beat don't you?! Any NI people care to share their tales of giving up their homes? I need the positives and negatives. In hindsight I should have done this at the start but I felt like a failure. Now I am past caring.

arkonite_babe

Nothing really to say except for huge ((((((hugs)))))) and don't be scared to go chat with your GP or another person who can help you deal with all the stress. Your mental health has to be looked after as well as your physical health. I found kinesiology helped when I was stressed, believe or don't believe, it worked for me.

Keep us updated and remember, we are all here to help, offer advice and answer questions. Nothing is too trivial

piglet74

Welcome back mrs wallace! I was wondering how u were,

Have you thought of exploring the assisted voluntary sale process that we talked about bfore

For me.. It was the best thing I ever done.. I can finally breath again.. Sleep again... Have a few ££ left over when I pay my bills,

Before I would have heart failure if we needed oil at the same time the car needed taxed...or if something unexpected come up.. It was a nightmare.. No pile of bricks and morter is worth the hassle, agro, heartbreak, heartache, sleepless nights..

Some people will say handing back the keys isn't a good idea, cause u will be chased for the shortfall, well I would say most lenders know you can't take feathers off a frog... If they do chase you.. The debt is now unsecured, so what can they take from u once ur home is gone. I think for a lot of people the fear of losing their home is the worst fear ever, once u hand it back, you don't have that fear anymore. I really do think that the fear, is worse than the reality. Chin up, don't give up and good luck with wotever you decide, but please come back here and keep us posted. It will help to "talk" and to share the burden x

suki1964

Big ((((((hugs))))))

You are so right, bricks and mortar really aren't worth it

Old_Git

good luck with your choice .

What happens if you sell the house and you still owe money.
Are you expected to repay it .
What happens if you dont repay .
I ask because I work with someone who did loose the house and is still repaying the debt 3 years later his credit is stuffed
His big regret was not going BR ,but just like you the stress was killing.

milton19700

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciYk-UwqFKA

irishjohn

Mrs W - You have certainly tried and tried hard. I am sure the decisions you are currently making have been made with much thought and have been carefully thought out.

My only advice to you is to take care of what matters, Health, Strength and your relationships. Sometimes we have no choice but to walk away from people or things which are causing grief and you may have reached one of those life changing moments. You have had good times and bad times and in the recession of the early 90s I suffered negative equity and found life a struggle - I ended up sharing my very small apartment with a lodger who had a good job, plenty of money and no worries - it was no fun for me but it had to be done for a year to carry me through.

Today its a distant memory along with an accident which nearly finished me off and life is simple but good - I know you have the strength and appetite to find such a path and I wish you well in the journey - and please do keep us posted.

NAR

MrsW big hugs from me too, what a dreadful place you found yourself in. I think it is good that the two of you are agreeing enough is enough. I would have thought that the bankruptcy route would be best; why are you not going this way?

sunshine

Hi MrsW, I can't add anything about your financial situation, but I do say please, please look after your mental health. I wouldn't look at it as throwing in the towel, but crying out for help. It might seem like you have hit rock bottom, the only way from there is up and you're now taking the right steps to going that way. All the best.

wifeforlife

Good to see you back here Mrswallace, I think your being very sensible with your decision. You've tried other options and it's not working, find a good decent rental, stop paying the mortgage, move, let it be repossessed then declare bankruptcy.

At least there will be an end in sight! You'll still not have an awful lot and you'll probably still be watching the pennies but the fear, stress, depression and worrying will reduce if not disappear and you can start rebuilding yor finances from scratch.

Brave decision mrs, hope you stay online and let us know how you are.

piglet74

Old_Git wrote: »

good luck with your choice .

What happens if you sell the house and you still owe money.
Are you expected to repay it .
What happens if you dont repay .
I ask because I work with someone who did loose the house and is still repaying the debt 3 years later his credit is stuffed
His big regret was not going BR ,but just like you the stress was killing.

Well when I sold mine (thru an assisted sale) there was around 60k of a shortfall, the lender agreed to write off 90% of the shortfall, (this is one of the conditions of the assisted sale process)

As yet, they have not contact me about the remaining 6k or so

My parents lost their house thru repo 6 months ago, to date they have not been contacted about their shortfall,

I do think that yes, you are still expected to pay what you owe, and I am not sure what would happen if you don't...they torture u via fone and letters I imagine, (I am sure some people don't give their new address)

But as the money owed is now unsecured, what can they really do if you don't pay it?

They can ask for it, you can tell them you don't have it, by now your credit rating is prob wrecked for 6 years anyways, but I am not really sure what else they can do, but they don't put u in jail for not paying!

If my lender does get in touch I would consider going BR myself, so time will tell.

I am sure most lenders realise if u got to the point where u lost your house, either voluntary or otherwise, well then you don't have a wealth of cash at your disposal.

You could tell them if they want their money, then they can make u B.R (save you paying the fees) tho I am not sure they would do this, knowing they would have to pay the fees and maybe get very little back for it.

But that's me just guessing, maybe someone who has been thru it will be along with a better answer soon,