When should I contact the 'Ex'?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

It's difficult as the joint account is really my bill account. We just added him on as he was helping to pay them.

I didn't buy him the ring and watch, it was in a wooden box that I think he thought was mine. It's clearly quite old.

I've contacted the bank and they are sending me out the forms for him to sign so maybe it's best until I have them and try to get everything finalised in one swoop.

He took most of his stuff so that's why I think these are an oversight.

The joint account is your priority - I'd be transferring wages and bills to a new one personally thus limiting the potential harm he could do to your current one.

It's not difficult - it's easy. It's exceptionally easy for him to keep using it! You can open a new one online these days.

RAS

Agreed.

You need a new account urgently and to make sure that all future debits on the old account have both signatures.

barbiedoll

Agree with the above.......the joint account MUST be your number one priority, the other stuff can wait, it's his stuff, if he wants it that bad, he'll let you know.

Contact the bank, now if you can and explain to them what you want to do, i.e freeze the account for now until his name is taken off. The fact that he has gone so quickly should ring alarm bells, although he may be completely honest and trustworthy, you should assume otherwise until you know for sure. Get a list of all DD's and if freezing the account causes problems, contact the creditors as soon as you can, most will be sympathetic if you explain what is going on.

Do you have any contact details for his mum/brother/best friend etc? You could always get a message to him through them. And if the sight of his things is upsetting you, store them at someone else's place for now or just stick them under the bed and forget about them.

szam_

From personal experience, i don't think any time in the near future will be any better than say, tomorrow for example. The sooner the better, i found. I was still hung up on my ex for months, probably over a year afterwards, i got her stuff back to her in a matter of days.

She initiated the break up, so i guess she didn't understand why it was so painful for me, as was demonstrated by her attitude randomly contacting me for 2 years afterwards (first love and all that).

beckysbobbles1

Thanks for the replies. I don't think we have an issue with the joinbt account. He has said to keep the money in the account but of course I have made steps to get him off the account.

I did text him last night asking what he wanted me to do with his things, he said bin them.

This really upset me so this morning I sent a long email asking for an explaination as to what went wrong and he has just replied saying he will reply in full later but is busy at work now.

Although I asked for it, I'm now scared of what he may say. I asked a few questions for closure and hopefully his reponse will give me that.

It doesn't stop me missing him though.

phill99

A man with a commitment issue? I find that hard to believe.

Marshflower

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I don't think we have an issue with the joinbt account.

This is going to be a very horrible thing for me to say - so adopt brace position - but sometimes I think it's very hard to see things clearly when you heart broken:

You didn't think you had a problem with the relationship either, but look what happened there.

You can't place that kind of trust in someone re the bank account once you've split up. He no longer has the kind of responibility towards your happiness that he did when you were together. If he changes his mind about the account like he did the entire relationship then you will be stuffed. It's cynical, and horrible, but you just can't take the risk. Better safe than sorry. Give him whatever share of the money is his then freeze it until his name is off it.

Other than that, sending you big hugs. Breaking up is hard to do as the song goes and never was a truer word spoken.

beckysbobbles1

phill99 wrote: »

A man with a commitment issue? I find that hard to believe.

Is this coming from a man? Honestly, I have no idea what he wants from life. He'll be 30 this year, his living back with his Dad but knows his dad is buying his brother a flat in London come the summer. I think he just wants a simply life...