To Complain or Not to?

suki1001

Carl31 wrote: »

One of lifes lessons im afraid. There are people out there with no respect, your daughter may have lost a pen, but has learnt a quick and cheap lesson

Used to happen a lot at school. My dad gave me a really expensive pierre cardin pen set, some scabby kid then borrowed it, but decided he was going to keep it. I learnt to be a bit careful after that

But if no-one points it out to that child they how are they going to learn to respect other people's things. She didn't take anything, just took it upon herself to just help herself, rifle through her bag and take out her pencil case. If that had been an adult in work and they'd have done it, they'd have been in huge trouble, so why do children have to put up with it? In fact no-one did it to me in school.

I mean I get the humilation of being asked out and then being laughed in your face, that we could sort out.

timbo58

IMHO you should mention it, dispassionately of course.

You have brought up the DD correctly to think of such invasion of personal belongings as beyond normal behaviour.

Whilst some others might think it's making a fuss unnecessarily I don't think so, if you just allow children to 'stretch the envelope' of what is acceptable or not then you store up anti social problems for later IMHO

meritaten

suki1001 wrote: »

I guess a quick, nicely worded email wouldn't do any harm. Fortunately they have a cashless catering system, so rarely has any cash on her and only a small amount if it's for something else and she have a phone, it was more the invasion of privacy.

I think that would be best suki. I wouldn't like anyone rifling through my bag without asking!

balletshoes

suki1001 wrote: »

11, 12 next week, so year 7.

would your daughter not have felt she could have said something along the lines of "please ask me first before borrowing my pencil case" to the person who took it?

I'm asking because my daughter is the same age and year as yours, and she mentioned to me last term that kids in her classes sometimes borrow each others pens etc, sometimes they give them back, sometimes they don't.

My DD keeps her pens in her blazer pocket, and as they're not allowed to remove their blazers on school grounds unless they are in PE, no-ones getting her pens that way.

I guess the question you should ask your daughter is, does she want you to contact the teacher? If she doesn't, if that would upset her too, then I personally don't think this warrants you contacting the teacher.

suki1001

balletshoes wrote: »

would your daughter not have felt she could have said something along the lines of "please ask me first before borrowing my pencil case" to the person who took it?

That's a confidence thing, I'm trying to build on unfortunately.

I'm asking because my daughter is the same age and year as yours, and she mentioned to me last term that kids in her classes sometimes borrow each others pens etc, sometimes they give them back, sometimes they don't.

It was more the rifling in the bag than borrowing her pens. If they'd been sat on the desk - fair enough.

My DD keeps her pens in her blazer pocket, and as they're not allowed to remove their blazers on school grounds unless they are in PE, no-ones getting her pens that way.

I guess the question you should ask your daughter is, does she want you to contact the teacher? If she doesn't, if that would upset her too, then I personally don't think this warrants you contacting the teacher.

She does want me to contact the teacher.

balletshoes

suki1001 wrote: »

She does want me to contact the teacher.

then contact the teacher and let them know whats happened, and that it upset your daughter.

suki1001

balletshoes wrote: »

then contact the teacher and let them know whats happened, and that it upset your daughter.

I have now - hopefully it comes across okay.

Hello Mr X,

dd came home quite upset last week, partly because of various incidents during the day, but she explained to me during a music lesson that when she had gone with a group into a practice room, that she was told one of the girls in the classroom had rifled through her bag and starting using the equipment in her pencil case.

I think she was abit taken aback that someone would do that, but was a bit wary of mentioning it to you. It's a long time since I went to school, so if you can appreciate to me as an adult it seems a bit alarming, but I'm willing to accept this might be just daft, typical behaviour that 11 years old get up to.

Anyhow, dd did say she wanted me to speak to you about this, I don't want to sound like I'm going over the top, but at the same time wanted to say something. Hopefully dd will gain confidence in airing any concerns to teachers, but I think she finds it difficult.

Just wanted to make you aware.

Kind regards

Cherry_Bomb

Unless the music teacher is also her tutor I wouldn't bother making them aware. It'll be quite obvious somebody has said something if the music teacher starts talking about respecting other people's belongings then swiftly moves on to recorder practice.

Either email her tutor or head of year if she really wants you to get involved.

This_Year

That sounds ok to me, sort of thing I would have sent.

Bless her about the lad who asked her out and then laughed. Sod peer pressure, eh! Hope she can work on her confidence so she can approach her class tutor, it will pay dividends.

xx

meritaten

just the right tone I think suki - concerned enough to make teacher aware, but not about to storm the school threatening court!