bedtime routine for toddler

carolwat

Im looking for advice as to how to get my son who will be three in September into a bedtime routine. He used to sleep through no problem but then one night out of the blue he wont sleep in his own bed and wont go to bed until after 10pm. I have tried all sorts but he just wont go to sleep in his bed or even our bed without one of us being with him. If he wakes and hes alone he gets up. We gave up trying to put him in his own bed as he just made himself sick everytime. I have tried not reacting to his behaviour but it makes no difference. I just clean him up and put him back into bed but I still spend hours going up and down the stairs returning him to bed. We gave up a while ago as it just wasnt worth the stress it caused us all. He now sleeps in our bed every night and either comes to bed with me around 10pm or a little after that after he has fallen asleep downstairs.

I look after him pretty much full time and really need to have some time to myself and at the moment I cant get that as he is up all the time.

I dont know what else to try as we really have tried all sorts and nothing will make him sleep in his own bed or any other bed at a decent time.

Carol

lbl

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time and yes you do need that time alone for him and for you. Have your heard of the baby whisperer? she has some excellent tips in her book. I have read this book and use the technigues with our son and they make me feel more in control and they work!
Good luck

Mandles

He sounds a very bright young man and has managed to beat you (i know how easy kids can do this to you from experience).
Maybe do what super nanny does (seems to work) put him in his own bed (after a nice warm bath and a betime story)and keep returning him to his bed(stock up with clean sheets in this case beforehand) and first time say "no to bed" and take him back . Then each time he comes down DO NOT SPEAK , just return him and tuck him in. He can't be sick each time and eventually he will wear himself out and fall asleep in his own bed (do not sit with him for very long in his room either).
You may have to do this for 2 or 3 days but he will end up in his own bed. Start this when you are prepared for 2 or 3 hideous nights (maybe not during your working week). Don't cave as it really seems to work and after going through hours of hell its a shame to cave and ruin all your hard work.
Just think 3 hideous late nights for you= lots of easy nights with your own bed back for good.

emmaroids

you need to stick to it no matter what,
our routine is,,,

have tea about 6pm,
clean up have a bath and get into jammys about 6.45-7 pm,
chill out for 15 mins
upstairs, brush teeth, story, bed by about 7.30
if its not bath night then chill out time a bit longer and at the weekend add 1-2 hours to the times, and even take some time off if kids are been tired and naughty.

and (touch wood) my rug rats go straight to sleep and dont stir until 7.30 am :money:

it takes a while to adjust to a routine but once everyone is used to it then it becomes second nature.
good luck.

carolwat

I havnt heard of the baby whisperer so will google that thanks.

He is very bright, too bright for his own and certainly my own good I have tried returning him to his bed for hours and hours at a time and have done this night after night and yes he does eventually wear himself out and go to sleep but then at some point in the night he is back in our bed. He also doesnt settle after a few nights and it just goes on and on every single night with him making himself sick and me returning him back to bed time after time. I think one of my problems is lack of support. My husband cannot bear to listen to him sobbing and finds it very hard to stick with it and in turn the lack of support makes me think whats the point. I cant do this on my own and mu husband cant do it at all. Actually when I think about it he only makes himself seick when my husband is here, the odd time he has been away with work I have a lot less hassle as he knows he wont get him own way with me. How di I sort this though as I have spoken to my husband time and time again and get nowhere, he says he will help and stick with me but he never does. Other than kick him out I dont see a way past this. Believe me I have considered this as I really really need my time. Its ok for him as he goes to work and forgets it all, I have it day after day as I only work two days per week and need time away from my son for myself at some point. I know that sounds awful but its how I feel. I have no time at all for just me. The time I have away from being a mother I am working. Think ive opened a can of worms here.

Carol

carolwat

Thanks emmaroids but how do I introduce this new routine of bath and milk/story etc. He is used to having a bath with his dad when he gets in from work usually before his dinner. As far as he is concerned bath time has nothing at all to do with bedtime. Where did I go wrong, it used to work and he went to bed. I know where it went wrong actually and everything comes down to his dad giving him his own way with everything. Whenever I mention this I just get accused of blaming my husband and yes I probably am but im so worn out and fed up of having no time for me.

findingmyownway

carolwat wrote: »

I havnt heard of the baby whisperer so will google that thanks.

He is very bright, too bright for his own and certainly my own good I have tried returning him to his bed for hours and hours at a time and have done this night after night and yes he does eventually wear himself out and go to sleep but then at some point in the night he is back in our bed. He also doesnt settle after a few nights and it just goes on and on every single night with him making himself sick and me returning him back to bed time after time. I think one of my problems is lack of support. My husband cannot bear to listen to him sobbing and finds it very hard to stick with it and in turn the lack of support makes me think whats the point. I cant do this on my own and mu husband cant do it at all. Actually when I think about it he only makes himself seick when my husband is here, the odd time he has been away with work I have a lot less hassle as he knows he wont get him own way with me. How di I sort this though as I have spoken to my husband time and time again and get nowhere, he says he will help and stick with me but he never does. Other than kick him out I dont see a way past this. Believe me I have considered this as I really really need my time. Its ok for him as he goes to work and forgets it all, I have it day after day as I only work two days per week and need time away from my son for myself at some point. I know that sounds awful but its how I feel. I have no time at all for just me. The time I have away from being a mother I am working. Think ive opened a can of worms here.

Carol

It sounds like you both need some help here. Your son will know if he can twist his Dad around his little finger and use it to full advantage, thats just what kids are like!

I agree you need to talk to your husband and tell him that its HIS behaviour thats causing these problems, not your sons.

Do you know why your husband is like this? Were his own parents over-strict and he is worried about being the same? Or is he just lazy? Do you clash over other parenting issues or just this?

carolwat

I think he just doesnt like to upset our son at all and if this means giving him his own way so as not to then thats what he does. He does want him to go to bed at a decent ime but cant bring himself to do the work involved. Hes not lazy just cant cope with the stress and upset it means. We do clash over a lot of things and each and every one of the things relats to discipline. Its always me thats the bad one telling him when he does wrong, sometimes I feel like im a single parent even when hes in the same room as he barely tells him if hes doing something wrong. I think it just goes over his head. Hes a great dad so long as things are going well but if our son is misbehaving he just cant deal with it and sometimes I think he gets so worked up at our son being naughty that hes going to have a nervous breakdown. I know its sounds over the top but with us having no time whatsoever without our son its how it is. I feel on edge all the time, I tend to just sit in another room on the internet all night as I cant be bothered with the arguements/disagreement regarding how we should deal with our son.

Mandles

Ah you poor thing Carol.
Your son knows to carry on doing this as he knows he will win as dad does not back up mum.Its a shame you can't go away for a week.Maybe threaten your husband that you really need space away from your son which everyone does. You cant spend all day with him and have him in your bed all night too..can't be helping any chance of a love life either(sorry, dont mean to be crude but its true).
So say if you dont get his support to keep your son out of your bed at night you need a week away as its just too much(dont have to go anywhere costly).
I'd put a lock on my door until he stays in his own bed, sounds awful but then he can't sneak back in when you were asleep , and he wins again!
Your OH needs to support you.I hope you get the support you need.

carolwat

He knows I would never ever leave my son for a night let alone a week

You are right it doesnt help the love life at all. Cant remember the last time there was any action in my bed other than our son bouncing on it To be honest I couldnt be bothered anyway these days.

If I locked him out of our room he would just either kick off and wake us all up or go downstairs and wreck the house. Im sorry it seems im knocking everything you all suggest but im just so fed up and feel nothing is ever going to change. I think I have to talk to my husband again and if he isnt going to support me in getting him to bed then I really think things are going to have to change around here as I just cant deal with it. Life is so much easier when my husband isnt here, our son is much better behaved. As soon as he comes in from work our son starts whinging and moaning on. I hate weekends when hes off work and its just a constant whingy time. Weekdays are fine. This sounds awful doesnt it. I cant help thinking I should leave and then things would be easier.

lebly

ok this is going to sound harsh and cruel to some but it works (sort of). I have twin boys now 4 they have played up since they were about three.coming downstairs etc etc etc.

We found a bit of wood wedged under door handle stops them coming out (cant tunr door handle upside down as wont fit that way) - no way of getting out cant come down - no attentio at all. You can hear if your children are safe etc. They still play up on occasion ut the threat of putting wood on works well.

No the most tree hugging lovey dovey way, we had tried all the rest the only way we stopped it was by stopping the being able to get out of the room in the first place. You will have a few days of kicking and screaming and them falling asleep on the floor. Eventually the "my own bed is not so bad afterall" kicks in. We do still sometimes have long nights etc, but they generally stem from days when they have not had enough physical and or mental activity in the day.

No harm was done to my children but the constant putting to bed, ignorin/not speaking when doing so did not work. If you can turn the door handles upside down try it. It causes no harm but just emphasises the fact that bed time is bed time!

Good luck - my bags and gradually returning to normal and not the size of enough luggage for a round the world trip!