Sensitive child

LTP123

I don't think its an only child thing although siblings may help. I have struggled my whole life with it. Pretending to be confident helps so far but doesn't stop the worry and stress inside. My DH brother (1 of 4) has suffered with it too. He understands our daughters oubursts and anxiety better than DH.

I personally have tried CBT, anti depressants, self help books, writing it down. I think accepting the way you are is easier than trying to change it. I reassure my daughter, tell her positive things about herself. Never throw her in at the deep end and let her choose what she is comfortable with. School is cruel, stressful and a constant worry for these types of children. We are still considering home education. By the time I got to secondary school, I appeared to be popular, good sense of humour. Really I was lonely, anxious and exhausted with the lie by the time I got home. My mother never helped me, just told me I was stupid or dramatic.

What I'm saying OP, as you are aware of it, you can help this person gain some perspective on it as they get older and listen to their troubles, rationalizing it with them. Hopefully, that way, they will only worry for a short period of time. I can still hear hurtful things from 15 years ago as I never felt I had anyone to talk to about it.

Sorry for the long post! Just very close to my heart!

LTP123

I also second a pp. A throwaway remark can stay with a sensitive person for ages, its burns through to the very core. At the same time, I know ky own mind and I'm certainly not a wimp or 'pappy'.

sassyblue

I don't believe it's an only child thing, it's down to the child/person - sometimes it could result from how they were raised but sometimes it's born in us.

And we also call each other daft names at home, banter and take the mick out of each other at times - not to be nasty but to raise laughs and show DS that is how you deal with it. The world can be a cruel place so l won't give DS the assumption people are always nice, honest and fair, my parents did that to me - boy was going out in the big wide world an eye opener.

londonsurrey

IMHO, the key for me was understanding that there are times when people's opinions are not to be taken seriously.

I was in a new school, the bully, three times my size, trundled up to me. She made some sneering remark about me wearing glasses.

Now, the social norm is to give way to the bully or to be ready to start hitting back. I did not know that. (I know, I know *rollseyes)

Instead, from the very polite and correct world in my head, I placed her behaviour, and thought "How rude!"

I was also quite puzzled, and looked at her and said "And? You're fat!"


From what I understand now, I stood a good chance of now being given a good trouncing. As far as I can deduce, my reaction was so unexpected, to her and all the onlookers, that she was gobsmacked, and didn't know how to react.

I didn't even really notice her reaction, other than that was the end of that. I only know because someone came up to me much later, giggled, and said "Her face when you said that!"

My mother ignored me most of the time, and is not the type to acknowledge I have feelings(to this day), let alone talk me through coping with them!
Best case scenario, I would have liked an adult to have pointed out to me how to ignore stupid remarks like that, and show how some people's opinions are to be given as much attention as one would to a buzzing fly.

pigpen

little-spender wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

I have quoted the above as I think this is the attitude most have about it.......and it is simply not true, This is where the misunderstanding comes from

If it was just a simple case of learning , then long long ago he would have learnt it.

Nampy Pamby and sensitive are 2 different things . I have seen the "little hard men" go down and writhe about in agony , wailing his little head off for something this sensitive child would get up albeit slowly and continue on with.

But they don't out grow it if it is reinforced at every turn. They need to be taught ways to combat it, which is what I said. If something is normal behaviour they aren't going to be affected by it, often parents reinforce it without thinking because they are very similar.

It is usually the parents that do the nambypamby bit not the children! The children are conditioned to behave a certain way so they do.

Of course there are the element that are simply less reactive that doesn't mean they aren't hurt or offended by comments they just visibly ignore the person(s) making those comments that doesn't mean they ignore them entirely. They aren't less sensitive they just have strategies for ignoring it.

My OH is one of those .. his mother is enough to drive anyone to neurosis.. (apart from me.. I think she is a fruitcake).. but she undermines their confidence and witters on about how disappointed she is etc and batters at their self esteem then says oh they are so sensitive.. no they aren't you have just beaten any bit of self worth out of them from birth! OH was bullied mercilessly and she ignored that because she couldn't deal with it..

System

I think building up the child's self-confidence helps, too. If they have a strong sense of self-worth it is easier for them when they are older to blunt out other people's hurtful comments. Sometimes remarks hurt not because they are intended to floor you, but because they trigger off a feeling inside you that reminds you of your weaknesses or inadequacies.

princeofpounds

I realised school wasn't the end all and be all, and joined hobbies and clubs where I would have friends that cared about me.

I think this is an important point it's worth repeating. It's often a useful safety valve for emotional people to have different aspects to their lives. If school, for example, is a bad environment for some reason then they can find solace in other activities and groups.

Often children get in the worst trouble when they think that the nasty environment is their whole life, when in fact it's really nothing compared to the rest of their life and the rest of the world.

Me? I had some minor sensitivities as a child, although they didn't seem to minor at the time. But I just outgrew them.

troubleinparadise

Interestingly to me, I have a few adult acquaintances who are very "sensitive" in that they take offence easily, and yet are quite "insensitive" to others - and lack sympathy and empathy.

Have I just misunderstood sensitive to mean that they have to be handled with kid-gloves, and egg shells tiptoed over around them, but it's ok to not apply the same behaviour to others?

My son was sensitive when younger, and worried terribly about all sorts of things. As time has gone on, he has become more confident and put those fears and anxieties behind him - but hasn't lost the ability to see it and understand in others....(most of the time!)

System

troubleinparadise wrote: »

Interestingly to me, I have a few adult acquaintances who are very "sensitive" in that they take offence easily, and yet are quite "insensitive" to others - and lack sympathy and empathy.

Have I just misunderstood sensitive to mean that they have to be handled with kid-gloves, and egg shells tiptoed over around them, but it's ok to not apply the same behaviour to others?

This sounds like 'sensitive' in the sense of vain and touchy, and I don't think those are traits people are looking to encourage in their children or themselves. But I can see how someone who does not have great social skills might be easily hurt and at the same time be less than perfect when they are communicating with other people.