Sensitive child

little-spender

For all you sensitive people out there Here's one .

As a sensitive child is one that will not be able to brush comments/remarks off so easily and at times is a bit more sensitive to lives tumbles.
So:
How as a child did you deal with the general "insensitive banter" of other children.?

As an adult now, what would have helped you deal with these situations better.?

Was there any strategy that really worked?

As it's not about toughing them up physically, but more about mental strategies so as not to take things so personally or to brush them off a bit more.

L.S

sassyblue

Both me and DH were sensitive as children and so is our DS.

I would just offer plenty of reassurance. I tell DS that people sometimes say things without thinking and it doesn't mean they're nasty or don't like you anymore - just that they were careless with their words. I remind him of times he's said to me in a grump that he doesn't love me anymore and ask him if that's really true. And then l mention that l could have got upset over it but l know he didn't really mean it - he said it without thinking too.....

It's horrible being sensitive but l try to keep busy and forget about it, otherwise you'd go through life being paranoid or falling out with people taking them up on things they've said. We know really if things were meant in a nasty fashion don't we?

I work with someone who is b*tchy with comments but l ignore him, ultimately people like this are NOT unhappy with YOU it's often their own shortfallings they're making up for and you just happen to be the person hearing it. Plus, not reacting annoys them more.

Imagine it from their side - they make these comments and you don't care - you are showing them that.....
A: You have a life that doesn't place any emphasis on their opinion.
B: You are a bigger, stronger person and they are inferior.

heartbreak_star

I learned to bury myself in a book or my work or an activity and zone the world out.

I wasn't particularly sensitive - I had and still have one or two things I'm touchy about - but I realised school wasn't the end all and be all, and joined hobbies and clubs where I would have friends that cared about me.

HBS x

Cherry_Bomb

DS who's 6 has always been a very sensitive child. Hypersensitive in fact. Everything from loud noises to joining in with other children. Especially the playground type banter. He avoided pretty much all interactions with other children.

I will be the first to admit I used to tell DS to stop being so silly whenever he got worked up in certain situations. It didn't get me anywhere and if anything it made him worse. Then I read a book called The Sensitive Child. I'm definitely not one to turn to these self help type books but my patients was running out with him. We couldn't do anything without him having a melt down. Even shopping was stressful incase we saw anyone he knew. He would go bright red and either stop and refuse to walk anywhere else or he'd have a screaming fit. It was a nightmare.
I read that book and literally had a lightbulb moment. I stopped 'telling him off' and switched to reassurance. Not the Molly coddling over the top reassurance but just little things. Like if we out for example at the park and it got busier and busier i would tell DS in quite an over the top cheerful way that everything was ok and we would move to a different part of the park..
I didn't fuss over him I would just tell him everything was fine and distract him from whatever it was that was getting him worked up.

Since changing how I behaved with him he is a completely different child. He's still a sensitive boy but its not taking over his life anymore. Before he couldn't go to parties. He hated being anywhere where adults weren't in complete control. He hated being picked to do something in front of the class. Ok he's not exactly the first one to stick his hand in the air for such activities but he now knows that he can cope with these things. He can join in with kids in the playground. He knows that it is all ok because it's what I have drummed into him (in a nice way) for the last year.

Reassurance does sound like the obvious answer when dealing with sensitive children but if you're the type of person who can easily laugh off insensitive banter etc then it can be difficult to remember your child isn't the same as you and therefore needs a different approach.

londonsurrey

Understanding why they do it helps for me.

Sometimes, it's because they're plain stupid, and there's no objective other than them striving to be noticed by someone, anyone, in any way - they're so desperate and unselective, they don't care about the type of attention. This leads to the understanding that the reaction is what they want, and any hurt is incidental collateral damage to them.

I have ASD, very low EQ and an IQ of 152 - at the age of 38, I had a lightbulb moment when my new advocate gently explained exactly how stupid these people can be. I still struggle with it, but I at least now have a shadowy grasp of how some people can really be that moronic.

Georgia_Pa

I was an extremely sensitive child but always put a hard front so that people didnt think I cared, cos that show people that I am weak. So I would get picked on about my height and weight, take the p** out of them in return and then when I went home after school I would cry my eyes out and hate myself for being the way I am. Unfrotunately I grew up without parents, but with amazing sisters who are my best friends. All I could do was pull myself together and prepare myself for the next day.
As an adult now, I think someone (a parent/guardian or even friend) to reassure the sensitive child after it has been picked on is the best thing. you have no idea how hard it is to face it alone, and I know how much it would mean to me to have someone there when I needed them.
You grow up and you eventually get over it but it's always in the back of your mind, always a small bitter memory on the back of your head.

Joons

Don't know if I was sensitive, extremely shy and introverted that's for sure, no confidence and got picked on a lot - fought back and went home and cried, never told my parents. Eventually at 16/17 turned into the swann from the ugly duckling and everything changed - for the better, suddenly I was miss popular???? Having someone I could trust and rely on and share my anxieties with would have made growing up so much more easier.

FatVonD

I think it's an only child thing, my DS doesn't always deal with teasing well whereas my step children seem to spend their whole time telling each other how *sad* they are and it's like water off a duck's back for them.

I was an only child too and found it difficult to push myself forward with other kids. I still vividly recall that, as an adult, I never got to play on the Scalextric at a boyfriend's family Christmas because I was waiting for someone to notice it was *my* turn while the three siblings all trampled over each other to get their turn. I had absolutely no idea how it all worked!

I've always tried to tell my son that anyone name calling him is unhappy within themselves and he should feel sorry for them.

I've worked with someone that elevated her own position by putting other people down but I knew it was down to her own insecurity and underneath it she was a nice person with a big heart so I could deal with it, in fact I found myself bigging her up and then she felt the need to do it less.

System

I was a sensitive child and would still describe myself as sensitive. I am not convinced that it's a trait you grow out of, but perhaps it's possible to learn to channel that sensitivity and use it in a positive way. Sometimes it's good to be able to pick up on things that others may have blinked and missed. But the flip side to it is that you suffer a lot about things or occurrences that other people would just brush off or fight back against.

Looking back to when I was a child, I think reassurances from the adults around me and the ability to confide in someone when I was worrying about something would have helped me a lot.

pigpen

Mine are unable to be sensitive.. we have a family raised on sarcasm..

Not mollycoddling or encouraging them to be pappy helps.. Drama queen parents who fuss over every little knock and scrape and jump at every noise above 20Db are going to make a child think this is normal behaviour. I can't stand seeing parents leaping about fussing and squawking about their poor baby who just fell over.. cue child screaming for 20 minutes or longer.. I could slap the parents teaching their child these minor things are worth the hysteria. As for name calling.. we actually make a game of it and call each other the silliest names we can think of, it teaches them that it is ridiculous and
how to do it back. (you are a fly on a poo-poo platter a la Bugs Life has remained a firm favourite for a while)

I think if you are a strong, confident parent then normally your children are too.

It isn't an only child thing.. I was tiny and fierce as an only child I actually improved once I got siblings to banter with

little-spender

pigpen wrote: »

Not mollycoddling or encouraging them to be pappy helps.. Drama queen parents who fuss over every little knock and scrape and jump at every noise above 20Db are going to make a child think this is normal behaviour. I can't stand seeing parents leaping about fussing and squawking about their poor baby who just fell over.. cue child screaming for 20 minutes or longer.. I could slap the parents teaching their child these minor things are worth the hysteria. As for name calling.. we actually make a game of it and call each other the silliest names we can think of, it teaches them that it is ridiculous and
how to do it back. (you are a fly on a poo-poo platter a la Bugs Life has remained a firm favourite for a while)

I think if you are a strong, confident parent then normally your children are too.

Thanks for the replies.

I have quoted the above as I think this is the attitude most have about it.......and it is simply not true, This is where the misunderstanding comes from

If it was just a simple case of learning , then long long ago he would have learnt it.