Charitable donations after funeral

Bettie

peachyprice wrote: »

I really don't get this recent trend of giving money to charity at a funeral.

I can understand it more if it's for a hospice that looked after the person before they died, but other than that I don't see what comfort it gives the family.

I always send/take a card so that the family know I was there and flowers if they haven't been banned, but if they don't want flowers why ask for donations to a charity?

because the deceased may have been connected to that charity in some way and it is a way of giving back. In my family we have all said :
" don't waste money on flowers for me, give it to charity so others may one day not suffer "

I tend to not give to certain charities, in that case I donate to the ones I always support.

Torry_Quine

jackyann wrote: »

I normally do, as it lets the family know that you were there and that you followed their wishes.
It may be different if you are staying on to the funeral tea, if there are few mourners, or if you are very well known to the family; but I sometimes go to quite large funerals of old friends of my family. The bereaved family won't remember everyone, but I think they will like to do as I did - go through the envelopes and say "oh, that was X, kind of them to pay their respects"
On my parents' deaths, I sent personal thank yous to everyone who attended (and it was a lot!) so I appreciated the envelopes.

I see what you're saying but it just seems wrong that the family can then know who gave exactly what. To be honest it's not something I've ever come across. I can see that you might put the money in an envelope but not that you'd put your name on.

Mojisola

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I see what you're saying but it just seems wrong that the family can then know who gave exactly what. To be honest it's not something I've ever come across. I can see that you might put the money in an envelope but not that you'd put your name on.

Our funeral director gave us a list of people who had filled in their details on the envelopes but not how much each person had contributed - just the total amount.

Some envelopes said things like "Mrs X, representing Mr X, Miss Y and Miss Z". I don't know if that's a local thing but people like you to know that they are thinking of the family and have donated to the charity even if they can't get to the funeral.

Torry_Quine

Mojisola wrote: »

Our funeral director gave us a list of people who had filled in their details on the envelopes but not how much each person had contributed - just the total amount.

Some envelopes said things like "Mrs X, representing Mr X, Miss Y and Miss Z". I don't know if that's a local thing but people like you to know that they are thinking of the family and have donated to the charity even if they can't get to the funeral.

That would be better I think personally.

travelgran

Thanks for the replies everyone.

jackyann

peachyprice wrote: »

I really don't get this recent trend of giving money to charity at a funeral.

I can understand it more if it's for a hospice that looked after the person before they died, but other than that I don't see what comfort it gives the family.

I always send/take a card so that the family know I was there and flowers if they haven't been banned, but if they don't want flowers why ask for donations to a charity?

Peachy - us old'uns remember when it was customary to take flowers to a funeral: mostly back then it was garden flowers, but then people began to spend a lot of money on arrangements & wreaths; that was seen as a waste, and the custom of donating to charity instead grew up.

2 years ago I went to a funeral of an old friend, one of a group from when we were new mums. One of the group (very talented!) went round our gardens, the village hall where we used to meet, the village green, and gathered flowers, leaves, berries etc. She made a "village wreath" - it was beautiful and meaningful; for me it harked right back to the little posies I remembered.

peachyprice

jackyann wrote: »

Peachy - us old'uns remember when it was customary to take flowers to a funeral: mostly back then it was garden flowers, but then people began to spend a lot of money on arrangements & wreaths; that was seen as a waste, and the custom of donating to charity instead grew up.

2 years ago I went to a funeral of an old friend, one of a group from when we were new mums. One of the group (very talented!) went round our gardens, the village hall where we used to meet, the village green, and gathered flowers, leaves, berries etc. She made a "village wreath" - it was beautiful and meaningful; for me it harked right back to the little posies I remembered.

Funnily enough, the last three funerals I've been to I've taken flowers and/or rosemary from my garden, so much more personal than a production line wreath.

Your "village wreath" sounds beautiful, it's a shame more people don't DIY anymore.

bylromarha

Donations sent direct to the funeral director, they then sent on 3 weeks after the funeral. Cash we were given on the day we gave to the funeral staff to deal with.

We received an itemised list from the director of who donated what when they sent the money to the charity. We then had a letter - handwritten which was lovely - from the charity thanking us for the donation.

The amount funeral flowers cost these days, I'm glad people who need to show their grief in a flower/condolances type way have an option in the form of a charity donation.

Maybe I should set my will up now "no charity donations or flowers please - but contributions to an open bar at the wake are welcome - all to benefit"

jackyann

peachyprice wrote: »

Funnily enough, the last three funerals I've been to I've taken flowers and/or rosemary from my garden, so much more personal than a production line wreath.

Your "village wreath" sounds beautiful, it's a shame more people don't DIY anymore.

"There's rosemary, that's for remembrance, pray you love, remember"

I have worn a sprig of rosemary to funerals.

madbadrob

Every funeral I have been to of late, and that many I feel like a professional mourner ( and one more to come in next week or so) I have never seen an envelope. Not being religious we didnt leave money at the church but left it at the crematorium so as the charity got all of our donation and not split between the charity and the church. This is about the only way charities now get money and a donation in the name of a deceased loved one is a great way to remember them IMO

Rob