Dog died - what to tell 2 year old??

tankgirl1

Sorry to hear about your pooch OP My thoughts are with you and yours...

DS was literally just a few days past his 2nd Bday when my old girl died, and she went in her sleep, meaning that I woke up in the morning to find her gone and just started howling, rocking over her - the works! DS was in his cot in the same room.

I told him she had gone to the stars, and he said goodbye to her, and gave her a kiss before she was buried. He's now 7yo and still points out her star

Personally this explanation sits well with me as an atheist - I believe we came from star stuff, and we will all go back to star stuff eventually.

For a small mind that computes as each individual was a specific star before they were born, and becomes a specific star when they die.

That's fine with me - I am not lying to DS nor giving him what I personally believe to be false promises of an afterlife, and DS has accepted that, and adjusted well.

I'd like to add that I mean no disrespect to those with different beliefs to mine.

msb5262

I can't help worrying that in future children will equate farms with death...bound to play havoc with their ability to enjoy the countryside, surely?

mountainofdebt

Actually Goodbye Mog was especially written by the authoress to deal with the concept of death
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2002/dec/04/booksforchildrenandteenagers.familyandrelationships

Corelli

Another vote for the Mog book, all the Mog books are lovely. There is another good book on death for small children called Badger's Parting Gifts. Maybe it would be best if you read books with him if OH is too distressed right now.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Badgers-Parting-Gifts-Susan-Varley/dp/0862640628

Others have given good advice, that your dog got so old and worn out his body stopped working. That daddy is very very sad because of this. If you have beliefs about an after life or whatever you can share them, but if you don't you can share that as well.

This is a book for very young children about a boy who loves to make kites, he grows old and dies, then chooses new parents and comes back as a girl who loves to make kites. We loved it in our family. http://www.amazon.com/The-Mountains-Tibet-Mordicai-Gerstein/dp/0064432114/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top


Expect lots and lots of questions around this if death is a new concept, as with anything new your son will need to explore it.

My children grew up with pets and the knowledge they had an older brother who died before they were born. We used books, lots of talking about the loved pet who was no longer with us and always buried them so as to have a proper goodbye. I can't say it made my father's death easy for them but at least they were prepared.

Children do grieve differently to adults, they tend to be very down but not stay down for long, so if your boy seems sad for a while and then cheerful and playing, he is still processing the grief and not necessarily 'over it'

The memory book is a great idea. It might help your OH as well. Feeling for you all at this very sad time.

pinkshoes

Many thanks for all the replies.

Upon reflection over night, I think we're going to go with the star thing, so he can look up in the sky and remember.

Our dog was nearly 14, and other than his first year before my OH got him, he had a wonderful life!

ValHaller

skintandscared wrote: »

Yes, I was told that when our rabbit died. Then when I was in my 30's I was watching some comedy programme where an animal died and they said "oh just tell X that it went to live on a farm" and I suddenly remembered .... I felt a complete idiot!

And that is why you tell the best approximation to the truth that they can comprehend. Imagine they have been told 'gone to live on a farm' at age 5 and they realise at age 8 that it is not true. There is an awful long time after that when anything along those lines the parent says lacks credibility. And some kids will cease to believe one of these euphemistic explanations and proceed to doubt their parents without ever raising the matter.

thorsoak

As a family, we're Christians, believing in the afterlife - so this was my 5 yr old DGD's view of what happened to her Gramps "Gramps was so ill he went to hospital, but hospital couldn't make him better, so he came home, but Grangy couldn't make him better - so he's gone to heaven so God can make him better. And heaven is like Disneyland, so Gramps is going on all the big rides again!"

pigpen

msb5262 wrote: »

I can't help worrying that in future children will equate farms with death...bound to play havoc with their ability to enjoy the countryside, surely?

and also when you plan a day out to visit a farm.. where are all our dead pets mummy?!.. and will they think they will never come home again.. you took the dog to the farm and it never came back, you are taking me to the farm will I ever come back?

msb5262

pigpen wrote: »

and also when you plan a day out to visit a farm.. where are all our dead pets mummy?!.. and will they think they will never come home again.. you took the dog to the farm and it never came back, you are taking me to the farm will I ever come back?

This is exactly what I meant...glad you managed to say it clearly, more than I could achieve!