Dog died - what to tell 2 year old??

pinkshoes

Our dog died this week.

We first told our 27 month old he was on holiday (we didn't know what else to say and were too upset to explain!), and he later asked if he was on holiday at Grandma and Grandpa's house!

We were told not to say he died in his sleep, as it can make them frightened of going to sleep (he's already frightened of the dark, and is a sensitive boy!).

We were also told not to say he got sick and died, as he might associate people becoming ill with dying!

So we then told him that he was old, and he's gone now, but he's still questioning this, and doesn't seem to accept this answer. He asked if he'd gone for a walk or gone to see grandma.

How do I get my 2 year old to understand death! He's very good with language, so questions what he doesn't understand, but too young to understand death.

Person_one

I have no idea I'm afraid, but I'm sorry about your dog and don't envy you this at all, it must be so difficult. I hope you get some good advice.

fluffnutter

I think you've played it just right so far.

Why the rush? At his age he will just associate it with not being around but what's wrong with that? Slowly he'll come to understand that death is permanent, but he has to get there in his own time. If he doesn't understand, he doesn't understand. It seems weird to encourage him to appreciate something so unpleasant

pinkshoes

Because every time he suggests the dog is alive, queue my OH to cry, which then upsets DS!!

OH and dog spent 7 years with just the two of them, before he met me, so to say he is distraught is an understatement.

It's just a really difficult situation.

LittleMax

My sister told my niece, then aged 22 months that their cat had become very poorly so couldn't stay with them any longer. She accepted this explanation fine.

More recently the guinea pig died at Nursery, and it became apparent a few weeks later that the nursery staff had told my niece, by this time 3 and a half that said guinea pig had gone to heaven. Her parents only realised what my niece had been told, when she became upset in the car when they went on holiday, crying that she didn't want to go to Devon with the guinea pig!

So I would go with the very simple explanation.

esmf73

How about saying the dog has gone to be a star so that he can always watch over your family. That way your little one can wave or talk to the star if needed.

fluffnutter

pinkshoes wrote: »

Because every time he suggests the dog is alive, queue my OH to cry, which then upsets DS!!

OH and dog spent 7 years with just the two of them, before he met me, so to say he is distraught is an understatement.

It's just a really difficult situation.

Yeah, I guess that the repeated questioning will be upsetting. I still don't think there's much you can do though. It will take your son some time to realise that death's permanent

msb5262

Hi OP,

Sorry about your dog - that's very sad.

I think books are really helpful when trying to explain things to little kids. The assistants at your local library or bookshop can probably suggest some suitable books to share with your little one, but I'm very fond of "Goodbye Mog" by Judith Kerr.

It might help you and your family if you spend some time making a memory book about your dog - include photos, drawings and some simple statements like, "Mum and Dad first got (dog's name) before (child's name) was born. He/she was a lovely puppy and chewed Dad's shoes!" at the beginning.

On the last page you could put something like, "Sadly (dog's name) was very old and he/she died. All the family will miss (dog's name) very much but we have lots of happy memories and will never forget (dog's name)."

Your little one would probably like to do some drawings of the dog to go in the book and I really think this will help the whole family.

Your little one will also want to look at the book repeatedly for a few weeks but this is all part of the process of starting to understand death.


HTH
MsB

Counting_Pennies_2

When my DH Granny died in her 90s we said that she was old and poorly and had died and was now in heaven. I think children need to associate a place in their mind so they can park the person so to speak.

That was enough for our children. It was honest and straight forward. For the coming weeks we had a few questions, then it was a very matter of fact discussion. It still comes up several times a year.

DS was 6 DD was 2

I have found if you are straight and honest from the start the children will accept it as soon as you skirt around an issue it will become a bigger one.

At the moment DH is redundant. We didn't say anything to the children for the first week, and they started getting mixed messages about why daddy was home, was it a holiday, why were they not off school if he was off work. So we have brought up in conversation that Daddys company have run out of money so they have said Daddy can look for another job and be at home while he does it, and that they have paid Daddy some money so we can pay the bills. They are being very matter of fact about it, and not asking to spend any money.

meritaten

I agree with not saying they died in their sleep or have gone to heaven (or Devon) but, you could say that doggy is old enough now to go to a special doggy place (call it xanadu or rainbow bridge or any name not likely to be confused with a real place). Its sad for us because we wont see him anymore, but its a really nice place for doggys!

NoAngel

I was told my dog had gone to live on a farm with the other dogs. I believed it and wasn't too upset and never questioned it again. I was 3 years old.