beanielou wrote: »
12k towards a car.
Words fail me TBH.
karmachilovething wrote: »
Quite.Catriona, I can see how that must be hard when you're so far a part on your attitudes. My BF is quite similar: he lives rent free in London because his parents bought the flat and put it in his and two sibling's names. But he knows that I don't earn as much, and have higher outgoings, so he is reasonably understanding. I don't have much advice to offer, but as long as it's not actaully causing problems in the relationship I would try not to worry about it too much.
The_Boss wrote: »
Hi there. Just out of curiousity, how do you pronounce Catriona?
catriona79 wrote: »
I'm finding it difficult to strike the right balance between having a life and paying off the debts. My partner is in a very different situation to me, but has a very different mindset too. He expects to get given a lot by his parents. For example, they have just given him 12k towards a new car for his birthday, and they've always paid for his insurance, service and MOT. They will give him a substantial amount towards a deposit for a house.
I have a very different perspective because I've had to fight very hard for everything I own. But at the same time, despite my debts I have about £65k in equity in my house, and that's where my money is.
So this is a very unbalanced situation... The way we think about money is very different. I worry about it practically all of the time, while he just carries on. I annoy him with my worry, he annoys me with his carefree attitude and what I see as a lack of making provisions for the future. At the same time he isn't silly with money and will not spend freely on stuff. It's just so hard for us to relate to each other though.
He's just taken me away for my birthday and that was extremely generous, but me having to take the £250 spending money with me (drop in the ocean compared to what he had spent) has thrown my budgeting out of kilter again...
Now it's his birthday next week, and that's going to be expensive too.
Then end of June we go to Portugal with his parents, which I felt like I had to do, to show good will etc. but which I shouldn't be doing, because in that way I'm not going to ever be able to save up enough to be debt free when I planned.
At the time, I obviously thought that its my duty to go along with it and that there are more important things than money...
But then I still stress about the money afterwards!!.. How silly.
dktreesea wrote: »
I know being in debt is horrible, but maybe you have to look at Portugal the same way as Barcelona. What was better, going to Barcelona and having a great time with you bf, or putting the spending money you took along onto the debts instead?
Being in debt can take a lot out of you mentally. But it isn't as if these are debts you can't afford to pay. To me, I would say, especially when you are in debt, that you ought to be kind to yourself too, and take the opportunities for good times when they come. It's not like you swan off to Portugal and the like every weekend or month. (even if it seems like that, lucky you!) Memories of good times, especially recent ones, really help on the dark days when it seems your debts have no end.
Think of how the seafood will taste, what it will be like to be in the warmth and the sun, (I don't like the sun on my skin, but each to his or her own ) the good company, not having to get up for work each day, being able to buy clothes that don't make you look like a next/Gap/New Look/Primark clone, going for a spa...going for a massage.... not having to cook for a few days... riding a horse along a beach with the sun setting over the Atlantic (I once did that in Fiji - many years ago and it's pretty much all I can now remember doing on the holiday)...
Birthday present? How about, since you are going to Portugal, a paragliding lesson/experience in Linhares?
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