Power of attorney

lessonlearned

I wouldn't worry too much Money. Obviously I am not a doctor but what I've observed is, unless someone acquires a major head trauma, then any of what you term "out of character" changes are usually very slow and gentle to begin with, gradually accelerating over time. It can be quite a long process before any real loss of capacity occurs, there's usually plenty of warning.

Even someone who has had a major stroke or brain bleed can be quite compus mentus for some considerable time.

In my mother's case it just began as a rather charming vagueness and forgetfulness - nothing to worry about in itself - I can be quite charmingly vague myself.......allegedly.:D

My husband who had and still has (despite his cerebellar ataxia) an utterly brilliant mind was always extremely vague and absent minded. We called him the absent minded professor!!. I always did handle most of the practical day to day stuff, even before he became ill. He was just a gifted academic whose mind was on higher things, not the mundane every day. So a bit of vagueness and being a bit absent minded is no big deal.

Even before my mother had her first stroke about 10 years ago, I had begun to sense that she was changing. She had been having regular TIA's for years. but my father refused to admit what was happening. Her last stroke was last June time. It is only really since then that her illness has accelerated.

I think you will find that you will have plenty of time to notice any mental and/or physical changes. They will be gradual and cumulative.

One of the first physical signs I noticed was my mother's handwriting. She had always had the most beautiful handwriting, and she also used to produce the most exquisite embroidery.

She stopped all embroidery, fine needlework and delicate knitwear many years ago, well before her first stroke. We just assumed that it was due to either deteriorating eyesight or stiff fingers. However, the change in handwriting was a clear sign that something was going on.

So, even if you are some distance away, there will be tell tale signs you can watch out for. Handwriting, how she is on the phone etc.

Do they have close friends of the family or a neighbour who could alert you if they felt there was cause for concern. My FIL lived alone until the age of 89. I gave one of his younger neighbours a key - "just in case" and my phone no so that they could contact me at any time.

Are your parents members of a church or a club where one of the other members could keep a watchful eye and contact you if the occasion arose.

I suggest you read up a little and find out what you can.

If you can catch it early enough there are plenty of drugs such as Aricept which may or may not be suitable. It's an avenue worth pursuing. I think it largely depends on what kind of dementia, but as I say I'm no real expert - I've just picked up a few bits and pieces along the way, mainly through reading up and talking to doctors etc.

As for doing POA stuff from the other end of the country - I can't see why not. Once you have put systems in place it should be ok. It's like anything else - you just need to get organised.

You strike me as a very organised and logical person - a bit prone to over-thinking things and worrying in advance, but hey that's not a hanging offence.

One thing I would advise is that rather than fretting over what may or may not happen, what you should do is put in place systems and strategies ahead of time.

It's all about thinking it through and planning ahead.

My FIL knew he was losing some mental faculties but he was a smart man and he would put systems in place to help him remember things, notebooks, reminders, lists, labelling things such cupboards and chest of drawers.

There are loads of little tricks, systems and aide memoirs that you can help set up so that your parents can stay independent for as long as possible.

All of what I have discussed is really only what I call "hovering" - the equivalent of "helicopter parenting". Only as we get older we become the "helicopters" and our parents become the children. It doesn't mean that you will have to assume the duties of a carer, just that you will probably have to undertake some sort of monitoring.

It's a great pity that your brother is unable or unwilling to share the burden with you. To my mind that's what siblings are for but hey ho - families are families.........

moneyistooshorttomention

Thanks lessonlearned.

I'm just laughing here at how well you've summed up my character from the other side of a computer screen "organised, logical....and prone to over-thinking" (exactly how I would describe myself actually:rotfl::rotfl:) - so I'm taking comfort from fact that if a total stranger can do that, then I guess I can keep an eye on people I know very well from the other end of the country:rotfl:

My parents are what would best be described as "private people" - my mother very very much so indeed and I highly doubt any question of anything they are involved in having anyone that would contact me if....

They do, however, have very good neighbours living nearby. In fact, I really couldnt ask for or expect better neighbours than pretty much any of the ones they have living nearby. I could have custom chosen them for them in effect:). The next door ones, in particular, are very good and I have ensured they have a spare set of keys in case. They've rung me a couple of times before now when they wanted to check out things/inform me of things.

That's a useful pointer re handwriting - if my mothers handwriting ever gets as bad as mine then I'll take note..

lessonlearned

If someone has a set of keys for emergencies and your phone no then that's a good first step.

I'm sure you will be able to handle things, just take it as it comes, one step at a time.

What is it Martin always says - prepare for the worst and then hope for the best.

Whenever I have a challenge, I arm myself with knowledge. I do my research and pick the brains of the experts.

In reality there will be some things you will be able to prepare for and pre-empt - some you won't.

My mum's last stroke was unexpected - they usually are - it's not something you can prepare for in advance really. You know that if they have had one then chances are they may have another but you cannot predict when and you've no idea how severe it will be.

My mother will have a fall again and she will end up in a nursing home in the not too distance future. Even my father has now finally accepted that this will happen.

As much as anything we are now preparing for my father's future when he will be alone.

Tomorrow I will be meeting EA's to put my parent's cottage on the market, and on Wednesdday I shall be viewing an apartment in a sheltered housing complex.

My mum always said she would only ever leave her little house in a wooden box but even she has now accepted that it's all too much for Dad and is now prepared to move.

If I can get them into suitable accommodation then there is less risk of her falling and more chance of them staying together for a bit longer. When she does go into care then at least Dad will be in a safe and secure environment. He still drives but again probably not for much longer, so we need to factor in proximity to shops, doctors and other amenities.

Like I said - it's all about trying to plan ahead and get the right systems in place to make their life easier and keep them safe.

I've just one question.

I've done it for OH, I'm doing it for my parents, who is going to do it for me when my time comes.......:rotfl:

See you on that plane to Switzerland.;)