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The Bankrupt Inn Function Room. Intrim AGM Results !
Comments
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Mike_St_Helens wrote: »Well as long as your happy.. or learning to be happy... Then thats cool.
Im bad.. I think ive just kiked off the DFW peeps...
Its a quiet function isnt it ?
mike you are such a stirrer!!!!
Why cant they come and chat are DFW bods blocked or somethingDischarged June 06:beer:
Not visited for ages but missed you guys0 -
philnicandamy wrote: »just to bring the tone down completely....
Charles and Camilla's Wedding
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding, which got increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were
finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said,
"Charles, darling, please remove my shoes. My feet are killing me!"
Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour, but it would not
budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla.
"Harder?" Charles yelled back, "Darling! it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla
exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See? I
told
you with a face like that, she was still a virgin!"
Dare I...
...Oh go on then...
The next line to that joke as I've it before...
Phillip turns back to the queen and says:
"No darling he takes after his father he likes to do it Greek."0 -
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Arthur was getting really quite old and one of his problems was that he hadn't had any sex for a long time.
So one day, he decided to go to an OAP Tea Dance.
He'd been dancing with all the old ladies all night, but still hadn't scored. Frustrated, he approached Ivy, one of the more sprightly old ladies, and told her, straight out, "I'm having no luck finding someone I can sleep with. How about coming back to my place, I'll give you £100."
Ivy surprised him saying, "I'm up for it, Arthur, let's go".
They get back to his place and after a bit of foreplay, they head for the bedroom.
Arthur loves the sex and can't get over how tight she is for such an old woman. He thinks that she's got to be a virgin.
After the wonderful performance, Arthur rolls off of her and says, "Wow!!! Ivy, if I had known you were a virgin, I would have given you £200".
Surprised, Ivy replies, "If I had of known you were actually going to get an erection, I would have taken my tights off!"0 -
A Day at the Nudist Colony
On his first day to a nudist colony, Ricardo takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and Ricardo immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"
Ricardo replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she leads Ricardo to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Ricardo continues to explore the colony's facilities.
He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the big fat hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says Ricardo.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me."
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
Ricardo staggers back to the colony office where he is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist. "May I help you?" she says.
Ricardo yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
Ricardo replies, "Listen lady, I'm 66 years old, I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day."0 -
Mike_St_Helens wrote: »Rog - There is plenty Curry left - Nice to see you.
How are ya ?
Thanks Mike - I hope it's nice and hot. :beer:
I'm keeping well - how's everyone else?I am NOT, nor do I profess to be, a Qualified Debt Adviser. I have made MANY mistakes and have OFTEN been the unwitting victim of the the shamefull tactics of the Financial Industry.
If any of my experiences, or the knowledge that I have gained from those experiences, can help anyone who finds themselves in similar circumstances, then my experiences have not been in vain.
HMRC Bankruptcy Statistic - 26th October 2006 - 23rd April 2007 BCSC Member No. 7
DFW Nerd # 166 PROUD TO BE DEALING WITH MY DEBTS0 -
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Why are Pirates called Pirates ...
Because they ARRRRRRRRRRR
Pedro the Mexican was being questioned by the police about the death of his wife.
When asked why he had pushed her over the cliff his reply was;
(wait for it!)
"Tequila!"
Speaking of pirates, what are the two most used keys on a pirates keyboard?
A and R
Delia's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips.
The Real Woman's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Delia's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Woman's Way
Buy smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year.
Delia's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Woman's Way
Tesco sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.
Delia's Way
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
The Real Woman's Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough !!!!. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."
Delia's Way
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks
The Real Woman's Way
It could keep forever. Who eats it?
Delia's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Woman's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka. Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you wont give a sh*t.
Delia's Way
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles
The Real Woman's Way
Left over wine???? Hello!!!
Updated Company Policy
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag,
we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
raise. If you dress poorly you need to learn to manage your money
better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made
to have non-employees attend to the Arrangements. In rare cases
where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to
work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the
end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 60 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more
so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for
lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
Positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Methinks that is enough...0 -
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