Worst weekend ever

Seanymph

Can you have your young brother to stay at yours whilst they sort the immediate aftermath out?

It doesn't sound like a healthy place for a young child at the moment.

I'd leave them to sort it out but offer him a safe place for now if you could.

SuzieSue

Gingernutty wrote: »

Second this. Calling someone for help as they are taking the o/d tends to be attention seeking behaviour that gets repeated as it does attract attention. Such patients tend to become the 'frequent flyers' that end up on first name terms with hospital staff.

Yes, I think that the OP has more than enough on her plate with a family, step sister and a job. It would be difficult enough for someone to cope who was a SAHM, but it will be impossible for someone who works. The OP needs to put herself first othewise she will become ill with the stress of dealing with an attention-seeking adultrous alcoholic and her immediate family will suffer.

OP, you have to be selfish. I know you care about your father, but he has made the decision to stand by your step-mother and you mustn't let him put you under too much stress and drag you under.

mummyofboys

To be honest I can't have my little brother staying with me, I have my two boys aged 6 & 3. My youngest has special needs and I have also took over as "mum" for my 16 year old step sister who is attending full time college to do her A levels.

I am also a full time student nurse and have a part time carers job- my hands are pretty full I don't have the physical space in my house nor the emotional space at the minute to take him on- sorry if that sounds emotionally cold I don't intend to be

I just feel that she is now claiming mental illness to cover for the fact that leaving has backfired so rapidly. I seen a reciept in her bag whilst I was with her for lots of household things including a blow up bed, kettle, mop ect so on the Friday it seems she was determined to go with this guy.

Part of me thinks that she expected my dad to just let her move out and take their son and when this has back fired she has regretted the decision.

I feel lost, I understand people saying this isn't between me but just them... but he brought me in for support, I stayed for two days and now I feel like we have to erase this as if it never happened.

Thanks for all the advice so far xx

SUESMITH_2

nothing to add just sending virtual hugs - what a mess - families eh?

does where she works know that she has been in a relationship with one of the inmates or whatever they are called? i can't imagine they would be very happy about this as its a clear breach of trust.

SuzieSue

mummyofboys wrote: »

To be honest I can't have my little brother staying with me, I have my two boys aged 6 & 3. My youngest has special needs and I have also took over as "mum" for my 16 year old step sister who is attending full time college to do her A levels.

I am also a full time student nurse and have a part time carers job- my hands are pretty full I don't have the physical space in my house nor the emotional space at the minute to take him on- sorry if that sounds emotionally cold I don't intend to be

I just feel that she is now claiming mental illness to cover for the fact that leaving has backfired so rapidly. I seen a reciept in her bag whilst I was with her for lots of household things including a blow up bed, kettle, mop ect so on the Friday it seems she was determined to go with this guy.

Part of me thinks that she expected my dad to just let her move out and take their son and when this has back fired she has regretted the decision.

I feel lost, I understand people saying this isn't between me but just them... but he brought me in for support, I stayed for two days and now I feel like we have to erase this as if it never happened.

Thanks for all the advice so far xx

So you have even more on your plate than I thought. There is no way you could cope with your half brother, so you mustn't feel guilty about it at all.

As you know, your father is being manipulated by your step-mother and I don't he will ever listen to sense, so all you can do is do what you can for him but without putting yourself under stress. You need to learn to say no and mean it otherwise you will be expected to provide continuous support to your father which you can't do as you have too many other commitments.

Your father is making a big mistake and there is nothing much you can do about it. As I have said, you need to be selfish and put yourself and your immediate family first.

mummyofboys

yes she has handed her notice in and left to be honest my dad is well off and the job was only ever for her as she was bored as a housewife, she spent every penny on new clothes and luxury items for her so this money won't be missed

mummyofboys

there is also a big age gap of 15 years between them which isn't helping my dad is 51 and shouldn't be dealing with this now

meritaten

your dad is ONLY 51 hun! if he was 81 I could understand that concern! Your stepmum sounds like her life has crashed - and yes, that 'suicide' call WAS a cry for help. You are not 'in' the marriage - sounds to me like its gone badly wrong - so wrong, that stepmother has gone off the rails. Not laying any blame here hun!
Your stepmother does need help - I hope she gets it - in the meantime your fathers first concern should be his son! poor kid - I feel really sorry for him - and your father too!
a Relationship break up hurts everyone.

System

Oh jeez.

marisco_2

mummyofboys wrote: »

I don't have the physical space in my house nor the emotional space at the minute to take him on- sorry if that sounds emotionally cold I don't intend to be

You dont need to apologise to anyone. From your posts on here, you sound far from being an emotionally cold person. Your own life is clearly very full. You are a wife and mother, raising not only your own family but your stepmums 16 year old. All this whilst studying.

You dropped everything you were doing to support your dad through what was no doubt a very traumatic time. It is completely normal that you cannot comprehend suddenly having to act as if nothing happened.

Forgive me for saying this but it is very clear that these recent events have really shaken you up. You come across as feeling traumatised and very upset. No doubt worried silly about a dad you love very much. To the point where you are berating yourself for not feeling able to do more.

You have to look out for yourself and your wellbeing. I dont think this will be the end of the drama in your dads life. Decide how much you will allow this to impact on you and your family and protect yourself somewhat from the predictable storm ahead.

I hope that your dad sees sense and realises, that the help his wife needs, is way beyond what he is capable of giving her. That is no slight on him but he will come to appreciate that she needs professional help. I hope this realisation comes to him before she puts him and their child through any further distress.

Take care of yourself OP. It might well do you good to seek some counselling to work through your emotions. It is not for everyone but I had counselling a few years back for a slightly different situation and it helped me immensely.