Worst weekend ever

mummyofboys

Hi

I just need to write this down, my head is swimming and I feel so stressed I actually feel sick. I have had an insane weekend, I really do not know where to start but I will try.

My dad has been married to my step mum for 10 years in May, together for 15. The family consists of-

Me ( 25)
sister ( 23)
brother ( 22) All moved out when we turned 18 and have remained independant since. We are all just my dads children.

My step sister ( 16) just my step mums child but calls my dad, dad. She now lives with me and I support her as they kicked her out as they couldn't all get along.

My half brother ( 7) both of their child. Lives with them.

My step mum previously had an affair about 9 years ago, she left for a month and then came back, we all forgived and forgot.

On valentines day my dad made a meal and my step mum got very drunk ( she is alchohol dependant and drinks about 9 bottles of wine a week) and offered to sleep with my dad, he refused as he said she was too drunk and he didn't want too. She flew into a rage and then told him she had met someone else and had been seeing him.

She works in a hostel that is used after men come out of prision as a type of probation place I am not completely sure. She is a chef and made the food there, from what I know they go straight from prison there and then move on from there.

This is where she met this man, she said his crime was drug smuggling and it was all wrong ect and he was innocent... yes of course (blah blah blah) She said she had been sleeping him with him for four weeks but emotionally involved with him since xmas.

My dad begged her on the thursday to stay and that they wouldn't tell anyone and they could rebuild this. She then stayed on the Friday but woke up on Saturday and said she has been thinking about him all night and wants to go. She then dressed up whilst my dad was watching like she was going on a date. She went and he rung me and my sister who swiftly went and stayed with him. She didn't ring except to say she was happy and was staying. My dad had to tell my little brother as he heard him crying. No more contact all Sat night and then on Sunday morning she rings and we said she isn't taking my brother, she is asking to come and pick him up and take him to meet this man and too move in!!!!

We all went mad saying no, its not fair to tell him they are splitting one day and then move in with a man the next. My dad then said that he isn't also because he is a criminal who has just been released. My dad contacted the police at this point and told them, it was disclosed that he is on the sex offenders list and went down for 8 years for sleeping with underage girls.

My dad at this point rang my step mum as he was now worried about her safety despite all this.... SHE KNEW!! she wanted to bring her son to a house where she knew this... I can't even begin to describe the hurt and sadness we felt.

My dad said to her he never wants her back and he is going to protect their son. About 4 hours later she rings and begs and I mean BEGS for him back saying she is sorry and she wants to come home, this went on for hours her constantly ringing.

The then and 4pm said she was going to kill herself and she was sat in a field and had taken tablets. We all paniced rung the police and a massive search went on to trace her phone and find her. We thought she was dead.

By this time me, my brother and sister had all moved in for 2 days, looked after the kid and been there. I stayed up untill 1am this morning when we got the news she had been found unconcious in a field. We went straight to hospital to find her a mess.

She had taken 5 boxes of painkillers and two bottles of wine. She is being offered mental assessment ect but now she has been discahrged and my dad is now at home with her. I have come home as I just feel in shock. I had to leave the hospital at 6am and go straight to my job till 11am. I am tired, I havn't seen my own kids or husband all weekend and now he is all up for getting her help as she is ill and we have to support her.

I feel so angry i can't express my feelings and yet he just expects us to forget as she is mentally ill which I don't believe.

I just needed to write this down

megan01

I feel so sorry for you I can't possibly imagine just how you are feeling right now.

First and foremost, you now need to take care of yourself. See your husband and your children. You need to relax as much as you can, because your own wellbeing comes first.

People often forget that alcohol is a very powerful drug, that really is only legal because of its social acceptance. Your dad is probably very confused because he is hurt about what she has done, but is also being told that what she is doing isn't really 'her' so to say, it's her mental health, which is probably very true. Although she is going to need support and help, like you probably are thinking your dad needs to take care of himself and their child, and her 16 year old. She won't get better unless she has the right support, and this isn't from your dad, she needs to have a mental health assessment, and get treatment. Your dad needs to get custody of their child and the 16 year old, and be best splitting from this woman, not only will it do your dad the world of good, but it will also be the best way of helping this woman too.

marisco_2

mummyofboys wrote: »

I feel so angry i can't express my feelings and yet he just expects us to forget as she is mentally ill which I don't believe.

You have every right to feel angry and upset. I should think you are reeling from shock at the moment. Your dad will be going through all this too. Not to undermine what you are feeling OP, but he will be feeling it all ten fold.

This is his closest family unit, his wife and child. His wife has admitted to cheating on him, walked out and then demanded to take his son away. Then he has discovered her bit on the side is a sex offender. His wife then phones to say she is going to kill herself.

His actions at the moment are through immense shock, grief and panic. He is probably struggling terribly to comprehend the events of the last few days. He may not even want to see the situation for what it is yet. It may be more than he can cope with.

For your stepmum to think it normal to hitch up with a sex offender, want to move her young child in with him and then make a suicide bid, she certainly has a degree of mental illness. No sane person would do those things.

I am so sorry for all you are going through. How approachable is your dad? Would he agree to going to see his gp and talking things through? Might it help him to have some counselling so he can gently face the reality of where he is at. The little boy may need some help too. However well protected you have all tried to keep him from what has gone on he will be very aware that things are not okay.

Gigglepig

I am so sorry to hear you have to deal with all of this.

I would be really upset with her too, however it does sound like she may be very unwell as her behaviour is not that of a healthy balanced person and also due to her alcohol consumption.

It is nice that your dad will stay by her also through the 'for worse' part of their marriage - personally i would try to stay out of it, as it is first and foremost between them.

Hopefully your stepmum can get medical help asap for her issues. If you or your family needs support, perhaps try organisations that support the families of people with alcohol or mental health issues.

lindsaygalaxy

I'm so sorry to hear this, you must be very worried and upset. The poster above is right, your dad needs to go to court for residency asap - an emergency order can be put in place. I know you are angry right now, but it does sound like she has mental issues, and although we as a society try to blame the actual person, mental illness affects people more than we can understand. Im not saying your dad should stay with her, as right now she needs help that only professionals can provide, but she may need your love, as hard as that may be. Once she has had treatment and she realises what she has done/ put you all through, the guilt she will feel will be immense, and very hard for her to deal with.

SuzieSue

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

Once she has had treatment and she realises what she has done/ put you all through, the guilt she will feel will be immense, and very hard for her to deal with.

I know someone who has tried to kill herself several times and has had treatment and feels no guilt whatsoever so this is not always true.

The OP is only 25 and has had to grow up very fast. She has to look after her own family as well as her step sister. I really think that the OP needs to put herself and her family first. If her father wants to look after his wife then that is up to him, but the OP has enough to deal with at such a young age.

Bella73

OMG sorry I have no advice just wanted to send you a hug as didn't want to read and run x

meritaten

I am so sorry OP - you have had to deal with such a lot especially this weekend. No advice, just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you.
Good luck

Errata

I'm so sorry you're in the middle of this car crash. I guess the only thing you can do is 'be there' for your dad and make sure he knows it.
If she's been abusing acohol before this debacle, you can be certain sure it will be a lot worse from now on.

sedment

What a stressful weekend you must have had. Didnt want to read and run, but my thoughts are with you and your dad and the wee boy. He must feel his world has fallen in xxxxx

Gingernutty

SuzieSue wrote: »

I know someone who has tried to kill herself several times and has had treatment and feels no guilt whatsoever so this is not always true.

Second this. Calling someone for help as they are taking the o/d tends to be attention seeking behaviour that gets repeated as it does attract attention. Such patients tend to become the 'frequent flyers' that end up on first name terms with hospital staff.

OP, you have my sympathy. Your stepmum sounds fairly toxic and you little DHB will have major issues later on.

Thinking of you. XX