Spousal Maintenance RPI increase

Betsie2010

I am hoping someone can help or offer advice.
Background, I have now been divorced for 3 years. The divorce took 2 years to finalise and it was not amicable. We had 4 children together and had been married for 24 years.
There is a court order in place that states ex has to pay me spousal maintenance which is to be increased annually by the RPI rate. The first year, I asked my Solicitor to send a letter as I knew ex would kick up a fuss - which he did but he paid.
2nd year I reminded him via e mail, therefore avoiding solicitor costs(as he had requested) He sent several e mails arguing it and generally being unpleasant but eventually increased it.
This year - we had already had contact during the year as eldest dd was going to Uni and he wanted to reduce my maintenance so he could give it to her instead. I said no, as I couldn't afford the decrease. After a long and unpleasant e mail exchange I agreed to pay £50 a month for dd to help. He stated then he would not be able to raise the maintenance payments but I did not agree to this. So now I have asked him to increase the payments and he is threatening to go back to court to vary the order.
He claims he can no longer afford it. However, he is in a very well paid job and has since re married. Last year they went on 4 holidays so there is certainly disposable income there.
I work 30 hours a week and also receive tax credits.
I have contacted my solicitor and the only way to vary the court order is to go back to court, but this costs me money!
My problem is that I believe if I do not pursue the increase he will know I cannot afford the court costs and will then take that as carte blanc to alter payments etc as he wants. And all the time I have to pay court costs to enforce it. Is there any solution? I cannot speak to my solicitor until Mon now and am very worried about it.
I would not qualify for legal aid - due to the maintenance ironically!

mintymoneysaver

I'm sorry, I have no advice as my split has been amicable and very easily sorted. However surely your daughter being at Uni is saving you more than £50 a month, so it would have made sense for him to pay her instead. Also if you did have to go back to court would they not reduce the maintenance now as she is over 18? I don't really understand 'spousal' maintenance, as I only take maintenance off my ex for his children. I wouldn't expect him to fund my lifestyle.

FBaby

Is it really worth kicking a fuss? Won't the bad feeling arising from your assistance affect your children more than they will benefit from the small increase you would receive?

You say you can't afford to give your daughter more than £50 a month???? You get an income, tax credits that won't take the income you receive from your ex into consideration, spousal maintenance and children maintenance? You can't be that badly off.

Betsie2010

The maintenance is not for the kids, just spousal. 2 of them live jointly with us both, ie 1 week at each. The daughter at Uni lived with ex before she went. The eldest is just about to move into his own place.

FBaby

So you only have two children living with you half time. Even more of a reason to value your relationship as a divorced couple with shared care of children over getting a few additional £££ when in many ways, you should be grateful for getting anything from him at all. You are working, so struggling to understand why you would even get spousal maintenance in the first place but you do, so be glad you do and don't make a fuss that will inevitably result in anger and frustration, which can only have a detrimental effect on the kids stuck in the middle.

SkintGypsy

FBaby, I presume the spousal maintenance is to account for the career the OP didn't build, while supporting her husband's and caring for their joint children? Why does he get the benefit of a huge salary while she lives comparatively poorly after they made joint life decisions about how they would raise their family?

Perhaps she works in a minimum wage role while he is on a Director's salary?

Don't judge without the facts!

margaretclare

I agree with FBaby above. What the heck is 'spousal maintenance' anyway? I thought the days were long gone when a woman expected to be 'kept for life in the style to which she had become accustomed' once the wedding ring was on her finger.

Can someone explain to me the concept of 'spousal maintenance' in the 21st century, and more particularly, how it applies once the children become independent, as in the case of daughter at university.

I am greatly in favour of the concept of 'clean break divorce'.

It is none of your business how many holidays your ex-husband takes, or not. Once you're divorced, that's it. He's out of your life, and you're out of his.

margaretclare

SkintGypsy wrote: »

FBaby, I presume the spousal maintenance is to account for the career the OP didn't build, while supporting her husband's and caring for their joint children? Why does he get the benefit of a huge salary while she lives comparatively poorly after they made joint life decisions about how they would raise their family?

Perhaps she works in a minimum wage role while he is on a Director's salary?

Don't judge without the facts!

This is usually sorted out at the time of divorce - pension-splitting, lump sum etc. You can't just go on for ever and ever once the marriage is over. You have to look forward and not back.

dancingfairy

I can't believe how harsh some people have been on this thread. Surely it is not up to us whether the OP gets maintenance or not? If that's what the courts have ordered then that's what they've ordered.
I'm not sure why you needto take him back to court to vary the order though? SUrely he should continue to pay as agreed and if not then you can take him back to court to make him pay.
It might be worth researching what it would cost to take him back to court compared to how much he owes you.
You might find the HMCS website useful or you could phone your court and ask them what form you would need to fill in to enforce a spousal maintenance judgement. They can't give you procedural advice but if you tell them what you want to do then they should at least be able to tell you what form you need.
If you do take him back to court can you ask the judge for costs to be awarded to you to cover your costs?
Best of Luck
df

cockaleekee

How much are you giving your daughter? That seems the simplest solution, rather than he reduce what he gives you, you make an increased payment to your daughter.

Is there a reason why you cannot increase your hours and hence, your independence? It seems sad that you would choose to be forever dependent on your ex.

margaretclare

cockaleekee wrote: »

How much are you giving your daughter? That seems the simplest solution, rather than he reduce what he gives you, you make an increased payment to your daughter.

Is there a reason why you cannot increase your hours and hence, your independence? It seems sad that you would choose to be forever dependent on your ex.

Exactly. Couldn't have put it better myself.