Friends Are Expensive

LameWolf

I've never attended one myself, as it's simply not my cup of tea, but I gather board games evenings are quite the "in" thing with some Mensa regions these days. Might be something to try?

[Deleted User]

Suggestion: spend a few hours a week selling on Ebay/carbooting etc and reserve this money as "socialising fund".

I have a regular root through some charity shops (designer/posh shop labels, vintage 'new' hosiery, new or nearly new sports gear sell well) and Poundland (overstocks of brand-name cosmetics like Revlon, Maybelline, Max Factor)

Small part time jobs on an ad hoc basis could also fund your socialising?

Atalanta

Muppet81 wrote: »

One other question ..... how do people manage to stop friends bringing chocolates and flowers and other gifts when they do a meal. I ask them not to but they still do so when I go to them, I feel I have to reciprocate. All adds to what should be a cheaper way of socialising. Surprises me really as all but one couple of our friends are admitting that they are struggling and worrying for the future.

At the end of the day, I know how lucky we are to have such lovely friends and a way will be found to economise.
Thanks for your support. Would you like to pop round for a meal :eek::eek::eek::eek: Oh no........ that is how it all started

I wonder whether people would feel the need to bring flowers or chocs if they were contributing a dish towards the meal - I know I wouldn't, whereas I probably wouldn't want to go empty handed so might take chocs or flowers to say thanks for cooking.....So you might find that asking people to bring a dish resolved that as well! good luck....

Honey_Bear

I have absolutely no problem any more with telling people that I'd love to ... do whatever ... but I simply can't afford to at the moment. In the beginning I thought it would be painful in the 'pride' area of my anatomy, but it turns out quite a few other people feel the same thing and if one person stops trying to keep up with the Joneses it makes it easier on everyone else. The last extended family wedding I went to cost me over £250 (journey, overnight stay, gift, drinks) and much as I love my long-distance cousin, I'd never met his daughter before and she wouldn't have cared a jot if I hadn't been there.

Surprisingly, it's got me out of a number of things that, on reflection, much as I like everyone's company, I didn't mind missing. That was a bit of a turn up for the books.

Scaling back works for me as long as my friends all know that it's not their company I'm trying to avoid. It's up to me to make sure that's the case.

craigywv

make a batch of bunsand make icing costs pennies to bring round instead of chocs

FairyPrincessk

I agree with Atalanta--I was brought up to believe it was very bad manners to show up with nothing, but on the other hand I too feel it gets expensive even to be a guest! If you ask them to contribute a dish, that might help. Alternatively, you might have to take the lead. Is there anything cheap or economical that you make well? I'm thinking cakes, cookies, biscuites, chutney, jam etc? Next time you're the guest, offer to bring a dish and if that is refused, then take something home-made. A bit of baking won't cost nearly as much as flowers and chocolates and you might be able to change the culture of your friend group.

Eenymeeny

We used to get together on a Saturday night, eating snacks or a takeaway and bemoaning the fact that we needed to lose weight. We made the decision to meet up at the local beach instead and walk and talk at the same time. We buy ourselves a drink in the pub where we park on our return, (most of us are happy to avoid alchohol/calories and find that we've all lost some weight over the year that we've done it!
I know that this wouldn't work for everyone, you know your friends and if they would go for it but maybe you could think of something similar that they would go for?

Honey_Bear

The last time I went out to dinner at a friend's house I took a homemade quiche and a tomato salad as my contribution to the buffet. There were 21 of us, and everyone brought something to eat, and something to drink. We had a great time.

The time before that I took dessert, which was homemade brownies, whipped (whoopsied) cream and a punnet of (whoopsied) blueberries. If they hadn't been on offer, it would have been whatever was, or a fruit coulis from frozen fruit. I also took a batch of homemade ginger cookies which are to die for.

People take/give chocolates, I think, because they think they should take something, and some people were brought up to never arrive empty handed/take something for the house. You won't change them, so my suggestion would be to mix up some cookie dough, bake half of it for yourself when the oven's on anyway to check that it's absolutely delicious, and shove the other half, sliced or rolled into balls, into the freezer. Collect some pretty bags or just use ordinary plastic bags with a really pretty bow or ribbon on them and you'll have something homemade to bake on demand and to take as a gift.

Muppet81

joolzred wrote: »

Suggestion: spend a few hours a week selling on Ebay/carbooting etc and reserve this money as "socialising fund".

I have a regular root through some charity shops (designer/posh shop labels, vintage 'new' hosiery, new or nearly new sports gear sell well) and Poundland (overstocks of brand-name cosmetics like Revlon, Maybelline, Max Factor)

Small part time jobs on an ad hoc basis could also fund your socialising?

Interesting you should say that. The charity shop I have volunteered at for 1 day a week for 4 years have just offered me a part time paid position. It will tie us down a bit, including every other saturday, so OH not too keen but I think I will accept it and see how it goes. So thrilled that they have offered me this. Once you get out of the employment rat race you tend to think it is for good.

Muppet81

craigywv wrote: »

make a batch of bunsand make icing costs pennies to bring round instead of chocs

We have our own ex battery hens and I often take half a dozen eggs as a gift. This always seems to go down well.