kids and sense of entitlement

kingfisherblue

I know it sounds obvious, but is it worth pointing out that if she gets a job, she will be able to afford driving lessons and a car? Also, she should be doing her fair share of the housework.

I have a daughter of a similar age. She wanted to teach, but didn't want to go to university and have debts. She decided to get a job and do her degree through the Open University. Care work wasn't exactly her dream job, but she managed to get an agency position doing this. She found she loved it and no longer wanted to teach. She stayed with her agency for over two years, and last year secured a position in a retirement village, which she loves. She has paid for her own driving lessons nad her own car (car is on finance, but she pays every penny herself). She pays board for living at home, and has to help with the housework as part of the agreement to live here. After all, she creates dirty washing, eats food, etc, so it is only fair that she helps to cook and clean as well. I'm not a maid and she doesn't live in a hotel.

I think it is time your daughter has a reality check and learns that growing up brings responsibility, and living at home means paying her way both financially and in terms of helping around the house.

fedup.com_2

mine are exactly the same. Dad left over 2 years ago, dont see them. we spoilt them when they were growing up, if we didnt get them what they wanted my ex in laws did.

Now though dad not in contact, in laws hardly in contact both retired and not in a position to spoil them even if they wanted to.

I dont work due to ill health yet they still expect what they always had and more. none of mine work have applied for part time work to fit round school and college. i do think that this generation expect everything given to them on a plate and complain when they realise thats not how life is.

Person_one

The bit that stands out to me is that you say 'I got her onto an open uni course'.

At 20, she might ask for your advice but it seems strange that you'd consider that you got her the place rather than helped her get it herself. What exactly did you do?

If there's been a bit of helicoptering/babying up to now, its to be expected that she'd find it hard when suddenly expected to act like an adult.

lika_86

I'm not sure there's anything wrong with being a bit choosey about jobs, as long as it's within reason. I would never want to do care work or work in a pub (some people might love that and it be totally for them but I know it's nit the kind of thing I'd enjoy) but I quite happily worked in retail and factories and warehouses over my summer holidays as a student. Ask her what she would be happy to do and steer her towards that.

edeneve

The bit that stands out to me is that you say 'I got her onto an open uni course'.

Turn of phrase personone....she was down and didnt know what to do and mentioned she would like to go into teaching...I was an OU lecturer for ten years so know about how it works....when I say got her on I meant I pointed her to the information, talked it through with her, helped her with registering etc....but it was her abilities that got her on to the course....but....if I hadn't pointed out it as an option she admits she wouldn't have thought of it.

She's on her second course now and doing well, it is helping keep her mind active and give her something also to fill the current gap on her cv.

She seems a little more positive today, I hope she gets a job soon as it will make such a difference to her.

suki1001

A lady I work with says the biggest problem with interviews is that young people come across as very arrogant, as if she owes them a job. I don't think it's just down to parenting skills. If you look at today's role models and those our children see succeeding, it's not surprising many of them want to jump from laying in bed for half the day to running a multi-national company flying a private jet. I honestly believe they want success from day one and don't see the inbetween bits as a way to reaching that. That's why so many people want to become famous - success has been made to look very easy.

I must admit to being a little bit like that when i was younger, although I did always work as a teenager. But it's a bit of a let down when you're told you're very intelligent to discover you're not going to be fast tracked up some company ladder and I think that could be the problem for many of today's teenager. We spend the time building them up and telling them that they can do anything, that they could be destined for university that in some ways it's not surprising that they don't have the motivation to get up and do a simple bit of shelf stacking - they're too clever and intelligent for that sort of thing right?

I'm not saying your daughter wants to be famous, all i mean is I think sometimes when the routine of school ends, the world is their oyster - which I think sometimes is more of a hindrance than a help, because you've got to be motivated and organised to see that through. If you don't know what you want to do and someone's paying for you to sit in bed and get miserable through trying to work that out, it's not a good place to be in. Years ago when people jumped from school to job, they were only doing what was expected, they didn't see a choice.

CH27

suki1001 wrote: »

A lady I work with says the biggest problem with interviews is that young people come across as very arrogant, as if she owes them a job. I don't think it's just down to parenting skills. If you look at today's role models and those our children see succeeding, it's not surprising many of them want to jump from laying in bed for half the day to running a multi-national company flying a private jet. I honestly believe they want success from day one and don't see the inbetween bits as a way to reaching that. That's why so many people want to become famous - success has been made to look very easy.

I must admit to being a little bit like that when i was younger, although I did always work as a teenager. But it's a bit of a let down when you're told you're very intelligent to discover you're not going to be fast tracked up some company ladder and I think that could be the problem for many of today's teenager. We spend the time building them up and telling them that they can do anything, that they could be destined for university that in some ways it's not surprising that they don't have the motivation to get up and do a simple bit of shelf stacking - they're too clever and intelligent for that sort of thing right?

I'm not saying your daughter wants to be famous, all i mean is I think sometimes when the routine of school ends, the world is their oyster - which I think sometimes is more of a hindrance than a help, because you've got to be motivated and organised to see that through. If you don't know what you want to do and someone's paying for you to sit in bed and get miserable through trying to work that out, it's not a good place to be in. Years ago when people jumped from school to job, they were only doing what was expected, they didn't see a choice.

I've always told my son that every starter job is rubbish & that he has to start off somewhere & improve himself.
Parent who just build their kids up do them no favours.
Life is bloody hard work & they need to realise it from an early age.

suki1001

CH27 wrote: »

I've always told my son that every starter job is rubbish & that he has to start off somewhere & improve himself.
Parent who just build their kids up do them no favours.
Life is bloody hard work & they need to realise it from an early age.

I think though in general, people do build up their children so it gives them an unrealistic expectation when they leave school and they can feel a bit lost. You're right though - it does them no favours.

Acc72

Unfortunately, I believe that we are now seeing the result of the "X Factor" generation.

From what I see, many young people would rather go on the X Factor or be on TOWIE than do what we may call a "proper job".

For the last 10 years (i.e. most of their conscious lives), they have been bombarded with TV that shows young people with very little suddenly having wonderful exciting lives in a very short time with apparently very little effort.

Nottoobadyet

Its very hard to be young, bright and unemployed. People around you often treat you like dirt or assume that you must not be hard working or smart. Hopefully this was just her lashing out in frustration and soon enough she'll realize how silly and childish she's been.

It doesnt sound like she's lazy, so hopefully she'll find something soon which will help her rebuild her self worth.