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kids and sense of entitlement
edeneve
Posts: 63 Forumite
Probably just a rant really lol! but some days I could scream!!!
I'm a single mum, well educated, run my own business ( had to start my own business as after ex left couldn't afford childcare with a large family but had to make money...i did the only jobs that worked around childcare problems...care work for NMW but after stupid shifts and seeing issues in care, figured surely must be able make more money doing something else...so I did)
I have very young and older kids, my teens generally are good kids, done very well at school, at college and in process of going to uni. Eldest daughter however is 20 next month and a complete nightmare.
She is clever but packed in a levels at college to do hairdressing, which she completed but hated in the end and didnt want to go into.
She had jobs, last one being at asda but since leaving college last September hasn't found anything....she says is suitable. She said she wanted to do teaching so I got her onto an Open uni course to keep her occupied, which she loved and she started a degree PT, which she's doing well in.
However, she's getting really down about not having a job desite applying, I know its a bad time for getting a job but she is very choosy...she won't do care work, work in a pub etc...and today she kicked off at me telling me how its all my fault because her 'parents' don't support her, haven't paid for driving lessons, she hasn't a car...etc etc....now their dad made one maintenance payment seven years ago and then packed his job in...although I know he and his new wife run their own business...they live the life of riley...i get the grief!
Thing is I sympathise but I have always worked, at her age, I had done all kinds of work as if i didnt i didnt go out or have things, at 19 i left home and was skint ut had my own place....my parents didn't pay for me to drive, from 16 if i didnt work i got nothing! Now she lives in a lovely large house with her own room and bathroom, has her boyfriend round to stay, the only thing she does around the house is occasional washing up, she lies in bed half the day and i work, look after little ones, do the school runs and the rest of it...yea she has no money but apart from that its the life of riley...I'm just so annoyed that I am being blamed....
Is it just me or do nowadays young adults thing parents 'owe' them so much more than we expected at their age?
I'm a single mum, well educated, run my own business ( had to start my own business as after ex left couldn't afford childcare with a large family but had to make money...i did the only jobs that worked around childcare problems...care work for NMW but after stupid shifts and seeing issues in care, figured surely must be able make more money doing something else...so I did)
I have very young and older kids, my teens generally are good kids, done very well at school, at college and in process of going to uni. Eldest daughter however is 20 next month and a complete nightmare.
She is clever but packed in a levels at college to do hairdressing, which she completed but hated in the end and didnt want to go into.
She had jobs, last one being at asda but since leaving college last September hasn't found anything....she says is suitable. She said she wanted to do teaching so I got her onto an Open uni course to keep her occupied, which she loved and she started a degree PT, which she's doing well in.
However, she's getting really down about not having a job desite applying, I know its a bad time for getting a job but she is very choosy...she won't do care work, work in a pub etc...and today she kicked off at me telling me how its all my fault because her 'parents' don't support her, haven't paid for driving lessons, she hasn't a car...etc etc....now their dad made one maintenance payment seven years ago and then packed his job in...although I know he and his new wife run their own business...they live the life of riley...i get the grief!
Thing is I sympathise but I have always worked, at her age, I had done all kinds of work as if i didnt i didnt go out or have things, at 19 i left home and was skint ut had my own place....my parents didn't pay for me to drive, from 16 if i didnt work i got nothing! Now she lives in a lovely large house with her own room and bathroom, has her boyfriend round to stay, the only thing she does around the house is occasional washing up, she lies in bed half the day and i work, look after little ones, do the school runs and the rest of it...yea she has no money but apart from that its the life of riley...I'm just so annoyed that I am being blamed....
Is it just me or do nowadays young adults thing parents 'owe' them so much more than we expected at their age?
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Comments
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Cheek, cheek cheek I'm afraid, you sound like a brilliant mum, I'm sure deep down she knows this and loves you to bits. Unfortunately, kids take all their frustrations out on us, try growing a thick skin when she goes off on one, it's not you, she probably just feels life in general owes her something - she'll learn in time, like we all had to!0
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No it is not just you.
I have a 15 year old, who 99% of the time is great, but see's her friends get things and expects me to get her the same. The problem is she may have 5 friends who each get 1 thing , but she wants all 5.
You have my deepest sympathy. It will always be your fault, because she knows it doesn't matter what she grows at you, you will always love her.0 -
I'm afraid it sounds as if you spoil her.
Why don't you make doing her share of the housework a requirement for living at home? Does she pay a good chunk of her JSA for her keep or do you let her keep it all as pocket money?
It's your house and you're the parent!0 -
Glad its not just me!
@ Dunroamin...I do make all teens do something around the house...washing up, hoovering, they do their own rooms (i'm not doing them full stop), taking ins out etc...but yes think I have spoilt them a bit,,,guess I've done it sometimes to keep the peace and sometimes for feeling bit rotten about their dad hardly seeing them and not helping them out. There have been several instances over last 2 years where I have sat down with them and explained that they need to buck their ideas up as I NEED them to help out and they SHOULD help out anyway.
Well at least I know I'm not alone with experience this...thanks you all!0 -
what sort of business do you run?0
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You are definitely not alone! I spoiled my daughter rotten cos I brought her up myself, with help from my loving family. She's 27 now, graduate, career woman, house owner, engaged......we all know we shouldn't spoil our kids but really, I don't think it's as harmful as some folk make out.0
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If it's any consolation, when she's older she'll think the sun shines out of your behind and will appreciate all you've done for her. I know the first thing I did when I had my first 'real' pay packet was buy theatre tickets for my mum - she worked her butt off from becoming a mum at 15 to the day she died and gave me the opportunities she never had - only real regret is that I never got to pay her back
I think it's good you didn't buy her a car and give her everything on a plate. It's a good lesson to learn that the world doesn't owe you everything (or indeed anything)Final cigarette smoked 02/01/18
Weight loss 2017 28lbs
Weight gain 2018 8lbs :rotfl:0 -
She sounds like a right madam!
I got my first job at the age of 13 weeding plants at nursery. I went on to stuffing envelopes, waitressing and working behind a bar. All my friends were given cars, bought clothes and were spoilt. I loved my first car so much even though it was a complete rust bucket... but as I had been saving since I started work for it that didn' matter.
Anyway now I have a very responsible job on a decent salary... and found myself thinking at the weekend how nice it would be to be back behind the bar.... yes I realise it was rose tinted glasses but I met some great people/friends in those jobs. There is so much more to work than just the pay packet at the end of them. Most of the jobs above didnt even pay NMW!
Why does she think that these jobs are below her?Man plans and God laughs...Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry. But by demonstrating that all people cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it introduces the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.0 -
This is the princess syndrome and it wrecks young girls lives because they think they really are princesses and expect the treatment throughout life but alas real life is not like that and they come unstuck when real life smacks them in the face..It is nice to see the value of your house going up'' Why ?
Unless you are planning to sell up and not live anywhere, I can;t see the advantage.
If you are planning to upsize the new house will cost more.
If you are planning to downsize your new house will cost more than it should
If you are trying to buy your first house its almost impossible.0 -
I think she's angry with herself but displacing it onto you. I also think she's quite unhappy..................
....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)0
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