Advice please - daughter driving me mad with money problems

ritac1

I wonder if there is anyone who has any knowledge of the following:

My daughter, who I now 18, is constantly lying about money, what she is spending, wanting to borrow constantly, has a friend/boyfriend who I am sure is trying to get money from her.

I cant believe anything she tells me nowadays so have had to do a little investigating myself. She has credit cards (which she denies) which are over the limit and attracting over limit fees, late payment fees etc.

She doesnt work, is a 6th form student and currently only gets £30 per week EMA.

This morning through the mail she received from o2 - 2 paying in slips quoting an account number - 1 made out for a payment of £20.00 and another made out ready for a payment of £424.52 !!!.

The receipts are pre-printed and are to be payable to 'GENEVA RECEIPTS ACCOUNT' - via HSBC city of London Corporate Office.

The receipts also quote an account and a reference number. Obviously I cannot find out to what this account relates since it is not mine but I just wondered if anyone knew what this might be.

I suspect it might be something she has bought for her boyfriend but why would it say GENEVA RECEIPTS ACCOUNT? Anybody with any knowledge of what this might be, your help would be greatly appreciated.

poe.tuesday

I know it's hard, but she has to make her own mistakes in life, she will only learn and hopefully gain from them

don't go looking for problems, you will only hurt yourself and drive yourself mad trying to work out what is going on, leave her to is, if she needs help whe will come calling, but don't lend her any money, she can not start life thinking you will bail her out

pinkshoes

I'd just ignore it, because she's an adult, so it's HER problem and not yours. I'd not mention anything to do with money ever again, and don't loan her any either. She'll learn the hard way, but it's for the best... My parents used to loan me money, but only when i presented them with a written document of how much i wanted, why i wanted it, and when and how i intended to pay it back! strict, but it worked!

maybe keep your own credit cards, cash etc... out of temptation's way too, just incase!

daphne_descends

Did you open her post? It's not clear from the OP.

iceicebaby

Completely agree with VIK6525

I know its hard to watch but you mustn't intervene. it will be a lesson learned for her

jovichick123

Hi, :wave:

When I was 18, I was in the same position as your daughter... in debt and tbh was borrowing money left right and centre (believing it not to be so big a deal). My mum lent me loads of money over the years which got spent of frivolous things that, in truth, I neither needed or wanted.

When I grew up a bit and matured, I began to wonder why, when I was working full time, I was still not able to afford holidays (like all my mates).
I sorted myself out, and now I don't owe anybody money (except the student loans people - but as I don't finish Uni for another year, I'm not worrying about that at the moment). Point is, I'm 26 now, and nothing anyone could have said to me at the age of 18 would have made any difference. I would have gone down my own path either way, it's just part of growing up.

As for the 'Geneva' thingie, did I read right in that the bill was from O2? If so, this is probably the location of the payments department for her phone bill... or if shes not on O2, maybe shes bought a mobile from them for her boyf? Or herself?

Hope this helps, good luck, am sure she'll sort herself out in the end - we all do... dread to think how much I put my Mum through!

Sarah xx

ailuro2

Perhaps if you find the cards you could rub a string magnet over them, straight before telling her about carcs being refused when they are maxed out...then she might get a shock the next time she goes to buy something.

Not much else you can do if she is lying about it, except refuse to bail her out, or the pattern will repeat for a long time to come.

Errata

How does someone with no income get credit cards? Is she lending the boyfriend money, or are you -by way of the money you're lending her?
Sounds like it won't be too long before you start getting phone calls and knocks on the door from debt collectors.

consultant31

Errata wrote: »

How does someone with no income get credit cards?

That's the problem though isn't it? My children are all grown up now, but I remember when my son turned 18, he started getting letters from credit companies offering him money. Fortunately he was sensible and ignored them, but lots of young people get sucked into thinking it's easy money!

Ritac1, I feel for you, but as the others have said, she needs to make her own mistakes. My elder daughter did exactly the same thing at that age. I eventually found out she was in debt to her mobile phone company for £400+. I nearly died as I'm terrified of debt. I paid the bill to stop any extra charges, but she had to pay me back every penny over quite a short space of time, so it meant she had no spare money for several months.

It taught her a very valuable lesson though and she now runs her own business. I'm very proud of the way she manages her finances now, and I'm sure you'll be able to say the same thing about your daughter in years to come

cumbrialasso7

ritac1
i too have an eighteen yr old daughter and she is very careless with money, even though she doesnt live with us anymore we have statred taking savings off her so she has a rainy day fund. she also has a boyfriend that (we think) is helping her spend her money.
we are quite fortunate that all mail for her still comes to our house so i have time to shred all the letters from cc companies so that she is not tempted!
hope it all works out for her. if she is anything like i was at 18 she probably wont want to listen to anything you have to say, so prob best to let her learn from it.
good luck

desperate_mum_3

my daughter is 23 now and I have bailed her out so many times in her life .... and it has not helped her at all .... she didn't care ... she gets in debt then worries me about it so I feel bad for her and help ( that is a wrong word !!!) her out so now I have gone bankrupt ( don't get me wrong not because of her but because I am stupid with money too ))) and you know she is finally getting sorted out ... I think the penny has finally dropped that good old mum isn't able to help anymore .. infact we went out last night she paid !!!! never been known before and such a gooooood feeling ... good luck and don't worry because she isn't !!