Working mums, how do you do it?!

sunshine_1988

miffyhugmuffin wrote: »

A couple of people asked for an update on how it went today, and I'm sad to say it was awful. Nothing to do with organisation of getting us there or worries about my daughter being with the childminder, but the stress of having to deal with an impossible boss who is anti-flexible working.

I have been in tears twice while at work because of this and I had a stand up row with my boss. I quite literally do not know if I can continue working there because they won't agree to flexible working. I am still feeling very stressed now.

I was dreading going back but I know I have a tendency to imagine things will be worse than they actually turn out. This time however, they did turn out as bad as I thought, in fact, several times worse. Not the best return to work I could have had

So sorry to read this hun. They should be extra supportive to you at this time.

Did you agree any working pattern before you returned? Only ask because I had to submit my proposed hours before I gave my return to work date.

Have they given you clear reasoning why they wont agree to it? Is there anyone in your HR dept you can discuss it with if you feel they are being unfair?

Hugs xxx

grey_lady

They don't have to agree to flexible working and they dont have to be extra supportive. They expect the OP to go back and pick up exactly where she left off.

OP are you really ready to go back to work?

I couldn't bring myself to with DD at the planned 7 months, I ended whacking the credit card / overdraft and went back when she was one. I don't regret that at all.

SUESMITH_2

you poor thing. grit your teeth, smile through it and start looking for something else.

if they're not going to change, and you can't change you're in an impossible siltation

tooldle

How much flexibility are you looking for? You mentioned earlier that you are already part time.
As others have said, flexible working is not something that an employer has to accommodate.

marisco_2

I am really sorry to hear you had a bad start back. Might it be worth trying to catch your boss in a calm moment of her day and trying to talk things through again. I hope today goes far better for you. All the best OP

Alchemilla

unfortunately our right is only to request flexible working and the sound business case that accompanies rejection could be anything unless you are prepared to go to tribunal. I have fought that battle and lost. It might settle down but maybe you need to prepare your exit strategy from this post? In my case that meant gritting my teeth for an academic year, smiling sweetly and getting a new job.

cte1111 wrote: »

Sorry to hear that miffy. My advice would be to presume that you are going to hate it for the next 2 weeks, just keep going and grit your teeth. After that time, you might well find it starts to feel a bit better.

If they're not going to agree to flexible working, then you need to take decision whether to go back to the hours they want you to do, with childcare, or to look for something else. Both myself and my OH have fought to get flexible working and it really wasn't worth the fight, as it leaves a horrible atmosphere and you are always treated badly afterwards. Carrying on getting stressed about it every day is not a good feeling.

sassyblue

miffyhugmuffin wrote: »

I have been in tears twice while at work because of this and I had a stand up row with my boss. I quite literally do not know if I can continue working there because they won't agree to flexible working. I am still feeling very stressed now.

She's a b*tch. She can only refuse your request for fleixble hours not upset you about it..... Is it worth complaining about her or looking for something else?

Spendless

Were you working f-time before going on maternity leave? If so haven't they met your request by agreeing to you going back part-time? What hours are you wanting to do that they are refusing?

There was no right to request flexible working when I had eldest 13 years ago and my employer didn't have any part-time workers or offer flexi hours or being able to work from home etc. Since there wasn't the financial help towards childcare that there is nowadays and the childcare bill was equivalent to what I earnt, I decided working f-time to not see my baby all day and our household not to be financially better off wasn't for me and packed in. A few months later I took on a part time evening and weekend job instead around my husband's work hours. Ultimately you may have to look for something else if what you currently have doesn't suit your family and your employer won't change.

meer53

I know it's never good going back to work after being on maternity leave. But i think that the OP has been dreading going back so much that this has maybe affected her mood and it might be better to give it a few weeks before deciding what her next action should be. In my experience, going back to work after any extended leave is always to be dreaded, i was off for 4 months when my ex left me, i really didn't want to go back but after a couple of weeks, it was as if i'd never been away. My daughter was only 2 at the time and i also had a teenager so it wasn't a case of it being easy for me, quite the opposite in fact.

If flexible working isn't possible then the OP should accept that and if she can't manage then it would be better for her to look for another job. Her employer isn't picking on her but she probably feels as if they are. Surely she would have known about this before she went on mat leave ?

If the OP is really feeling that she can't cope, it may be a sign that she is depressed. Some people (i include myself in this) think they are coping when in fact, they're not. I resisted anti depressants for 18 months after my split, with hindsight i wish i'd asked for them at the beginning, they made a huge difference to how i coped and how i felt every day. The crying at work and the argument with the boss, and the feeling of not being able to cope with work and a baby make me think this may be the case.

sugargurlie

I agree with meer53, it could be worth having a chat with your GP or contacting your health visitor team for some support through this. It's important to remember you aren't on your own with this, and it might be that there is something that can be done to help you, if not medication there might be support groups in the area you can turn to.

I've been back at work full-time for nearly 6 weeks now and had to seek help a couple of months before my return. I'm glad I did it now as while it hasn't been easy I have managed it, and most importantly I get some good quality time with my ds, even if it is only for a couple of hours a day