Working mums, how do you do it?!

Bluemeanie_2

Hello. I don't have a child but I'm currently expecting my first. I can only have 18 weeks off. Does "sleep training" work?

Gillyx

I sleep trained at 16 weeks due to educational pressures with my OH. The recommended age for sleep training is 6 months. It really is A choice you have to make for yourself. It does work yes, but there are exceptions to every rule and once you have them sleeping through they start teething/take growth spurts etc.

I think you get used to the tiredness, I have a sleeper though, and that itself brings difficulties although not as bad as non sleepers.

Edit: I would say too sleep training won't make them sleep through if they arent ready/hungry. I sleep trained at 16 weeks but he still woke for his feeds he just self settled after them better. He didn't sleep through until around 28 weeks I think.

sweaty_betty

Bluemeanie wrote: »

Hello. I don't have a child but I'm currently expecting my first. I can only have 18 weeks off. Does "sleep training" work?

Only if the baby reads the book too

Seriously, there's no way of knowing as babies are all so difficult - even those with the same parents. All you can do is try to get into a routine early, we used the baby whisperer, although friends used others.

I only had 6 months off work because it was all we could afford and when I went back he wasn't going to sleep until about 9-10pm, but would generally sleep until 6-ish. It's all about what you get used to though, when he was regularly up at night I think I was less tired than I was a few months later when he started waking again during teething, after a few months of him sleeping through (if that makes sense!)

Gillyx

sweaty_betty wrote: »

Only if the baby reads the book too

Seriously, there's no way of knowing as babies are all so difficult - even those with the same parents. All you can do is try to get into a routine early, we used the baby whisperer, although friends used others.

I only had 6 months off work because it was all we could afford and when I went back he wasn't going to sleep until about 9-10pm, but would generally sleep until 6-ish. It's all about what you get used to though, when he was regularly up at night I think I was less tired than I was a few months later when he started waking again during teething, after a few months of him sleeping through (if that makes sense!)

I agree 100% with this, my baby could sleep through the apocolypse and since around 6/7 months old, has slept 13/14 hours a night, but when he has a bad night I reallllly struggle, as I'm not used to it. I coped better when he didn't sleep at all :eek:

Bluemeanie_2

Thanks guys. xxx

tooldle

As all the others have said, you do get used to it.
SMP was less generous when I had my daughter and hence I was back at my full time job when she was 4 1/2 months old. Organisation is key. On the weekends, we would get her up, give her a bottle and then we would all go back to sleep for a few hours. That way, we all got to catch up a bit.
The big bonus you have, is that you are part time. This gives you extra flexibility to catch up on sleep when you are not working.
It is amazing how much can be achieved when sleep deprived. It probably will not be as bad as you think.
Good luck to you.

Alchemilla

miffyhugmuffin wrote: »

Hi,

It's my last day of maternity leave today. My one year old daughter didn't get to sleep until 2am as she is poorly with a cold. How on earth do people manage to go into work after, say, just a few hours sleep?

I am worried that I will not be able to manage the stress of working and lack of sleep. I am having to go back to a different job with more complex work and more of it. I am wondering whether it might be over-ambitious of me to work (even though it's just part-time) and bring up a child. I don't do stress very well. Help! Any tips or words of wisdom from those who've done it?

Marisco gave some good advice.

I'm working full time, as is DH and we have three children. So...

Marshall your resources in terms of help and support, anyone who you trust and is willing, warn them you'll need a bit of help in transition.

Try to be really organised. Its against my nature, but for example, lunches the night before, and I have all baby's clothes ready for the whole week.

You will cope with the sleeping, and the time when it's hard will go so very fast.

I find online shopping really saves time.

Only iron what you can't avoid ironing.

Try to get into a routine, and accept that you will have less social time at work as you may have to be working through breaks in order to leave promptly.

Organise your DH if you need to - Mine is willing but sometimes needs to be told/shown what needs done.

Good luck.x

miffyhugmuffin

A couple of people asked for an update on how it went today, and I'm sad to say it was awful. Nothing to do with organisation of getting us there or worries about my daughter being with the childminder, but the stress of having to deal with an impossible boss who is anti-flexible working.

I have been in tears twice while at work because of this and I had a stand up row with my boss. I quite literally do not know if I can continue working there because they won't agree to flexible working. I am still feeling very stressed now.

I was dreading going back but I know I have a tendency to imagine things will be worse than they actually turn out. This time however, they did turn out as bad as I thought, in fact, several times worse. Not the best return to work I could have had

cte1111

Sorry to hear that miffy. My advice would be to presume that you are going to hate it for the next 2 weeks, just keep going and grit your teeth. After that time, you might well find it starts to feel a bit better.

If they're not going to agree to flexible working, then you need to take decision whether to go back to the hours they want you to do, with childcare, or to look for something else. Both myself and my OH have fought to get flexible working and it really wasn't worth the fight, as it leaves a horrible atmosphere and you are always treated badly afterwards. Carrying on getting stressed about it every day is not a good feeling.

sweaty_betty

miffyhugmuffin wrote: »

A couple of people asked for an update on how it went today, and I'm sad to say it was awful. Nothing to do with organisation of getting us there or worries about my daughter being with the childminder, but the stress of having to deal with an impossible boss who is anti-flexible working.

I have been in tears twice while at work because of this and I had a stand up row with my boss. I quite literally do not know if I can continue working there because they won't agree to flexible working. I am still feeling very stressed now.

I was dreading going back but I know I have a tendency to imagine things will be worse than they actually turn out. This time however, they did turn out as bad as I thought, in fact, several times worse. Not the best return to work I could have had

I'm really sorry that things have been so hard for you, that's definitely not what you want on your first day back.

You may not want to do this yet, but have they provided a business case for not allowing you to work flexibly/part time? I have a feeling that they are supposed to do this if they refuse and it might be worth seeing if there's any wiggle room there. Do you have an HR department that you could talk to at all? If you were in tears on your first day back, this could be seen as bullying behaviour on the part of your boss. Does your work have any policies or guidelines on this kind of thing? Is there anyone else in your company who's returned to work following maternity leave and experienced similar problems? Finally, did you get enhanced maternity pay and if so do you need to stay working there for a minimum amount of time after finishing maternity leave before you can leave without paying anything back?

From what you've said, it sounds like your boss is being unreasonable and you need to investigate if there's anything that you can do about this. If there isn't, looking for another job might be the best option.

So sorry