Bit of an odd one .....Mum's final resting place..

Own_My_Own

suki1964 wrote: »

I think you are getting confused a bit

You do not have to let the crematorium scatter the ashes

You ask for cremation, and for the return of ashes


You pay for the pot


Then you scatter where you want.


Your mother will still have a religious service at the crematoria, you just have your own time with the scattering

My step dad was cremated last year in Belfast, mum took him to England at Easter to bury his ashes in with his mother. Just applied to the council for permission

Please read the opening post.

The OPs mother's first child was stillborn and his ashes were scattered at the crematorium. Her mother would like, on her death, to be cremated and her ashes scattered near him, at the crematorium.

suki1964

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Please read the opening post.

The OPs mother's first child was stillborn and his ashes were scattered at the crematorium. Her mother would like, on her death, to be cremated and her ashes scattered near him, at the crematorium.

And why can the daughter/ family not scatter themselves?

I did read the op

There is no need to pay the crematoria to dispose of the ashes. The crematoria is "licensed " to have ashes scattered. There is nothing to stop the op scattering herself with all the family in attendance

Own_My_Own

suki1964 wrote: »

And why can the daughter/ family not scatter themselves?

I did read the op

There is no need to pay the crematoria to dispose of the ashes. The crematoria is "licensed " to have ashes scattered. There is nothing to stop the op scattering herself with all the family in attendance

http://www.gwentcrematorium.org.uk/gardenofremembrance.htm

Maybe they are not allowed, as it is private property.

Savvy_Sue

The way I read it, the crem staff scatter ashes at various times, as fits in with their schedule. And it probably won't be one set at a time, which is why they don't offer witnessed strewings.

I think I'd have to explain this to Mum. Yes, she'll be in the same garden as her stillborn baby, but she won't necessarily be anywhere near Plot X, and she'll be strewn - I'd guess - as part of the maintenance staff's routine work.

If dealing with her ashes is important to the OP, I think she should say this too. And I'm wondering if there's any possibility of any other memorial, either for babe or for mum. Or if it would help to ask Mum what she'd like the OP to do to acknowledge this baby after her death - if she was still taking flowers I'd offer to continue doing this, for example, or donations to SANDS or the local prem baby unit instead of flowers, for example.

As an example of a memorial, we buried Dad's ashes in a 'green' burial site, we paid for a sapling under which up to 3 other sets of ashes can be interred at a later date, so we know where to put Mum when the time comes. At that site there are various memorial options: trees and shrubs of various kinds, benches - can't remember what else. They have set options - partly because they know what 'works' and won't be eaten by rabbits, and partly because they want the site to look good, and there's a limit to the number of benches they've got room for!

Because Dad died in December (and a freezing cold snow-bound one at that!), we didn't attempt to deal with his ashes for several months - as the FD said "It's a lovely site in the spring and summer, but a bit exposed and cold at this time of year!" So in the summer, we all got together again, the minister turned out again (brilliant chap) and said a few words, and we all put a handful of earth on Dad's box of ashes. By that time, we were in drought, so although we put a few plants round too I don't think any of them 'took'!

Dad's tree has a plaque with his name and dates on it, btw. Maybe Mum would like some mention of the baby on her plaque, if she went for something like this?

BTW I can think of nothing worse than splitting ashes! I know, it's completely irrational, but even if Mum wanted part to be with Dad and part with her family, I would HATE to do that. I need to know she's in one place, not multiple locations.

suki1964

Own_My_Own wrote: »

http://www.gwentcrematorium.org.uk/gardenofremembrance.htm

Maybe they are not allowed, as it is private property.

Private crematoria?

Usually council

PoorCharleyBear

My mother died last year and her wishes were to be cremated but her ashes to be with her family. We had to buy the plot (previously owned by the council, even with her whole family buried there), then we had a small internment ceremony, with the undertakers performing this.
A hole was dug under the headstone into the plot, and the casket of ashes placed in this.
Was simple but not presided over...perhaps something like this is possible?

and for my father, his ashes were just scattered in the water...

koalamummy

podperson wrote: »

I'm sorry if I'm being a little dumb here, perhaps I'm not following something. You say the stillborn child was buried at a cemetry and your mother wants her ashes to be scattered near there - but then you say you can't witness the ashes being scattered in the ground at the crematorium? Are they in the same place as that's quite unusual?
If the child is buried in an actual cemetry then have you tried speaking to the church/people that keep the plots direct. As someone mentioned above I've heard of people being allowed to scatter ashes on graves or even mix into the ground with no problems.
Or did you mean that the child was cremated as well so your mother wanted to be scattered in the same crematorium. In that case it is fairly normal for crematorium staff to do this themselves I think, especially if they are digging to put them under the ground as well. In that case I would speak to your mother, perhaps you could look at scattering themselves but somewhere close by, or there's often a possibility of 'splitting' the ashes. With my gran-in-law, she asked for part of her ashes to be at the crematorium where her sister was and half of them at a special place in her hometown that had a lot of signifance for her. The crematorium one the staff did themselves, the other one some members of the family attended.

jenhug wrote: »

if your mum owns the plot your sibling is buried in then she should be able to have her ashes interred there. You normally contact the cemetery and they arrange this. They will charge you of course.

I see no reason why it would be grave robbing if you dug a decent sized hole, added the ashes (lets call them fertilizer) and planted a nice rose bush. I see no reason why that would be grave robbing.

Sorry from the first post I too assumed that your brother had been buried in a plot in a cemetery which is why I saw nothing at all wrong with placing your mums ashes in the same plot as she would in fact already be the owner of it. I still do not understand how this could possibly be criminal as my own grandfathers ashes were placed in the same plot where my grandmother was buried and the headstone has both names on it.

I did not realise until much later in the thread that her baby was cremated and interred at the crematorium.

fawd1

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Follow the rules ?

You are advising someone to BREAK THE LAW !!!

It is Grave Robbing even if nothing is taken.

You cannot just go digging up cemeteries to burying ashes.

I don't understand how it's grave robbing? She was suggesting that when her mother passes away she collects the ashes from the crematorium and then disposes of them in the cemetery with the baby. She's not suggesting digging up anyones ashes, or "grave robbing" of any kind. As far as I'm aware the crematorium will give you the ashes. Some people keep them, some people have them buried. A lot of people scatter them without permission, which I am aware is against the law, but I can see why people wouldn't know that when you see people on TV scattering ashes wherever takes their fancy.

MrsAtobe

MountainofDebt, are you sure that that is the crematorium your brother is interred in? I'm local, and that garden of remembrance looks to be at the new crem, which has not long opened.

When my mum was cremated (at the older crem), we took her ashes and scattered them on the Yorkshire Moors, so Gwent at least used to let you take the ashes away to do that.

mountainofdebt

Hi eveyone ......

I have to be honest I was dreading having the conversation with mum but she phoned me today just to check the order of Junior's middle names so I thought in for a penny....

She didn't know that the scattering of the ashes couldn't be witnessed so as far as the will is concerned, she's not going to specifically state that she wants the ashes placed there but as I said its now one of those things that I know she wants and all she has to do is let my sister know so there's no need for a discussion when the time eventually comes.