Bit of an odd one .....Mum's final resting place..

mountainofdebt

Bit of background info :

Before I was born Mum gave birth to a baby boy who was stillborn. She's never really talked about it but I know that every Christmas she would go over to the cemetery where the baby was buried (bearing in mind that this was the 60's so attitudes/practices were so different!) until a few years ago when, by chance she was told that wreaths were removed from the general area she knew the baby was buried and then gives the equivalent to a childs charity.

Anyway fast forward to the present day

Mum has decided to write her will and asked me to mention to her if there's anything she should remember to put in it. I've known for a long time that she wants to be cremated but had no idea where she wanted her ashes to be scattered. So I mentioned it to her today and she told me that she wants to be scattered as close as possible to where the baby was buried.

Now I haven't got an issue with that at all but what I do have an issue with slightly is that the scattering of the ashes can't be witnessed (yes I have looked this online!)

I know that would really get to me so do I mention it to mum or do I leave it?

meritaten

mention it! otherwise you will aways be wondering 'what if mum had known'!
as you have researched - is there any way mums ashes can be buried with the baby? I have known local cemeteries to do this - but each area/church has its own rules.
its either that or an 'unofficial' scattering of the ashes over the grave.

mountainofdebt

I don't think Mum and baby can be buried together and as I said it doesn't bother me (would rather know where she wanted to be scattered than llike Oh's mum where we were second guessing !) but was does bother me is not being there.

Marisco

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Now I haven't got an issue with that at all but what I do have an issue with slightly is that the scattering of the ashes can't be witnessed (yes I have looked this online!)

Not sure if I understand what you mean here. Do you mean you are not allowed to scatter the ashes there?

Dunroamin

Marisco wrote: »

Not sure if I understand what you mean here. Do you mean you are not allowed to scatter the ashes there?

Oh good, I thought it was just me being stupid.

koalamummy

Could you collect your mums ashes from the crematorium and then scatter/bury them on the plot where your sibling was buried? I realise that this may not follow the rules as such but could it work in your situation?

mountainofdebt

Sorry if I've confused people ..... on the website it states that " that they are unable to offer witnessed strewing of the cremated remains"

As I said it sounds as if any flowers etc get put in a central area and you're told (roughly) where the ashes are buried

mountainofdebt

koalamummy wrote: »

Could you collect your mums ashes from the crematorium and then scatter/bury them on the plot where your sibling was buried? I realise that this may not follow the rules as such but could it work in your situation?

Koala ....she aint dead yet :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It's just something she told me she wanted done with her ashes

Own_My_Own

koalamummy wrote: »

Could you collect your mums ashes from the crematorium and then scatter/bury them on the plot where your sibling was buried? I realise that this may not follow the rules as such but could it work in your situation?

Follow the rules ?

You are advising someone to BREAK THE LAW !!!

It is Grave Robbing even if nothing is taken.

You cannot just go digging up cemeteries to burying ashes.

koalamummy

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Koala ....she aint dead yet :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It's just something she told me she wanted done with her ashes

Sorry I am a bit of an obsessive planner!

Would it be possible to broach the subject of a family ceremony with your mum?

Just imagining that at her age she may not feel any real obligation to play along with the rules. (As in the ones that that have no real long term consequences). The conspiratorial aspect may possibly give your mum a new surge of energy.

Shelldean

Oh wow when Nan died a almost six yrs ago, i knew she'd want to be near to Granddad. Now I knew Granddad had been cremated and placed in a communal plot ( funds were tight when he died) So i rang the crem they gave me details of the square Grandad was in, I asked would it be possible for Nan to be placed in same square. I was told yes of course jsut tell the undertakers of our wishes.

It is in fact noted on the undertakers notes/receipt.
Nan was cremated and we returned to the crem a few days later, with the person who had conducted her ceremony who said a few words. I actually placed Nans ashes in the ground( they'd divoted? a hole in readiness for the ashes)

So was our crem unusual or is yours?