HELP! Have cut back all I can but am still over-spending!

ScrimpingandSaving

Just popping back into this thread to make yet more notes!
My shop on Monday has lasted all week and in fact I'm hoping it will last until Tuesday. The only things we've had to buy extra are bread, milk and margarine.

LannieDuck, yes my h does get the Dovonex on prescription. Earlier in the thread I was being criticised for paying for prescriptions that apparently I could get cheaper at Aldi. I was explaining that some things you cannot get any cheaper, such as Dovonex. I've worked out that with his treatment for psoriasis, my hayfever in the summer and now I'm also on Tranexamic acid tablets so we pay a small fortune for prescription medicines. I'm now applying for a yearly pre-payment certificate.

Unfortunately I've had to dip into savings this month as we only had £150 to last us until Friday. I've taken out £100 which is actually not bad as it's usually closer to £250. Both cars need filling up and I just didn't want to risk us going overdrawn. Plus I will need shopping this week.

It is only early days though and I am determined to make this month's pay actually last a whole month. I am questioning every payment we make and I try to keep track of what is coming out of the bank and what it's for. Now that my daughter is 12 it is actually quite hard to cut back. For instance she has been out twice since I started budgeting. Once another mum took her and her friend to Bath and I had to give her money for lunch, etc. Then another time a friend again had her for the day and again, it wouldn't be fair to send her without giving her some spending money as I knew the other girl would be shopping and they would all be going out for lunch.

What do you do in that situation? I don't want my daughter to be the one saying she can't afford to buy anything (although she is careful with money and what she did buy were things for us) as she's having a hard enough time making friends as it is. I also can't expect other mums to buy lunch for her.

We're out in the sticks so a paper round is not possible. She's too young at the age of 12 to do any other work. So yeah, budgeting that side of things is hard.

I think it will be quite a hard slog to begin with. The more I keep track of our finances the more depressed I get. There is always money coming out of our account. Always something that needs paying for. My husband is outside now - we're extending our back garden which includes knocking down our back garden wall and building a fence instead. We gain an extra 3 foot of garden space so it's worth it but even though he's doing all the work himself you still need to buy the wood, the wood treatment, the saw, the nails, etc. Once you start to count the pennies it gets really disheartening.

I have to make this budget work and I'm determined that I will. I just hope that March will see us in the clear and able to leave our savings (our emergency insurance pot) alone.

Loving the wine recommendations by the way. I need some for Asda and Aldi - Tesco is too far away for me to justify a visit just for a bottle of wine! Can consider Sainsburys too.

pennies_from_Heaven

s&s, I just wanted to come on here and say I think you're doing really well.
We earn a similar amount to you, and used to spend around £600 a month on groceries :eek: the budget is now £350 which we do usually manage to stick to. It has taken some time to get here tbh, I did try to get there straightaway which didn't happen and does get you down, but managed a bit lower each month until we are at this point which we are comfortable with. Aldi has been a godsend, and the only real way I've managed to lower costs.
I too have a 12 yr old daughter and a 10 yr old son, and you're right about having to let them go out with friends. I do budget an amount for this (only about £20 a month) and if they want to buy other stuff i.e. books, pencils also general carp (my husbands term for general plastic stuff!) they have to earn the money by doing jobs which are recorded on a sheet and paid out each week. If they want big stuff we encourage them to sell their old items to get new stuff, i.e. ds games etc.
You can see from my sig that we had a lot of debt but nothing to show for it - a general creeping up from overspending on groceries and general carp. When we moved house even the removals men said we had a lot of 'stuff', I can honestly say I was ashamed when I saw what the money had been wasted on.

So op, I think you are going about it in the right way, sorting it before you get debt. Also don't beat yourself up about things and remember that stuff has gone up so much in price too and that has made it worse and much much harder for most people.

Well done and good luck

Pennies xx :A

ScrimpingandSaving

Thanks Pennies. I do make sure we have a list of chores along with how much each chore is worth. Every time either of them does a chore they initial the sheet and we add it up at the end of every week.

My daughter has also tried selling stuff on ebay but this year has only made a few pounds, perhaps just after Christmas isn't the best time to be selling?

When she gets invited out, which to be fair isn't that often and it's only happened now because it's half term, her friends will all spend in excess of £30 - £40 on clothes. She spends a few pounds on buying sweets for her brother and little gifts for us. I really feel for her as she is so aware that money is tight and so she will watch her friends spend whilst not spending any herself.

I think the hardest part of budgeting is not giving the kids what every other kid has. I know we can tell them that budgeting is actually the best way to live. It's not wasteful and who needs all these things anyway? But when you are growing up you want so desperately to be one of them, you don't want to be singled out as different and that's what is difficult. They all wear labels such as Hollinger - she gets second-hand ebay clothes. They all have a takeaway every Friday. They all have private piano lessons or go horse riding and visit the cinema every weekend with friends, etc, etc. I can go without these things, I'm 41 and no longer care much what people think of me. She's just 12 and I know she feels she is missing out. She doesn't have to say as much, I just know.

No, she doesn't need to go horse riding (she could just eat a Tesco burger), or wear these fashionable labels and yes she should be proud to be different and yes these people may well get in debt one day (although I doubt it as their parents can afford to bail them out) and she will be a better person for it. But in the here and now, how do you explain all that to a 12 year old?

I bet bloody Cameron and Osbourne's kids don't go without. I hate this government.

CH27

I know i'm going to get shouted at but I would do without my wine to enable my child to do something.

[Deleted User]

ScrimpingandSaving wrote: »

.... But in the here and now, how do you explain all that to a 12 year old?

As she is 12, and seems such a nice switched-on young lady you can sit down together with the SOA, including your husband & her sibling if they want to, and just show her...

Sometimes it's a fact of life that some folks are relatively hard-up for periods of time. But everyone being aware of the constraints and pulling together can be a good experience for a family, bringing you closer together.

There is a thread here which might be worth a read if you find time: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3066412

I grew up in late 70's/80's with my mum & sister after our Dad abandoned us, and it was wayyyyy tough but the things I learned and the abilities I gained have enabled me to live in a simple, budgeted way and save for events such as travelling to Asia to see OH's family every 18mths.

It's a question of perception - if you see yourself & family as deprived of fun then you'll react as such. See it as a challenge, almost a game, then it can become a much more positive experience!

Spendless

Yes, I understand where you are coming from re 12 yo-having one myself! What I did earlier this year in response to the constant requests for cash was to agree that I would provide daily in term-time money for travel, lunch money (or a packed lunch) and a drink, then give so much per month that any other expenses had to come out of.

I didn't include holidays or weekend socialising in it (and the budget given reflects that) as son needs encouragement in these areas.

Work out how much you can afford to give her and what you feel it should include.

Take advantages of any vouchers/loyalty points/happy hours etc available in your area.

Barbeduk

I don't think any 'normal' family could afford to let their kids spend £30 to £40 on clothes, let them wear designer labels, pay for piano and horse riding lessons. You're describing a very small % of society. So it's daft to say you're letting her down because you can't afford these things. None of us could!

What happens when those kids leave home? They'll have no idea of the value of money. Parents who indulge their children so much aren't really doing their kids any long term favours.

Aria`s_Tail

Hi S and S, just popped in to stay stick at it, the budget watching eventually becomes second nature. You have already found that you are dipping into the savings for less this month than usual and I bet that next month you can manage even less until you don'y need to.

Your daughter sounds sensible enough to understand about budgeting and like others have suggested it would probably do no harm to show her the figures to explain why you don't have extra money to give her. You could research some free, fun things to do in your area and suggest them to your daughter to do with friends?

Soubrette

Just a thought on your waterbill - if someone in the household has an illness like psoriasis which means more water is used then some water companies have a special tariff - might be worth looking into.

I suffer from it mildly myself so not eligible for a discount but able to control it with over the counter shampoo. If I can't get the right shampoo then within a few days I am very miserable and itchy so always feel sorry for those that suffer more severely.

Someone mentioned geocaching earlier - have you looked into this? Lots of people love it and you can have a flask of hot choc and a homemade cake in the car when you've finished. Only equipment needed is some kind of gps on your mobile and some kind of small offering to exchange once you've found the cache.

pennies_from_Heaven

ScrimpingandSaving wrote: »

My daughter has also tried selling stuff on ebay but this year has only made a few pounds, perhaps just after Christmas isn't the best time to be selling?

When she gets invited out, which to be fair isn't that often and it's only happened now because it's half term, her friends will all spend in excess of £30 - £40 on clothes. She spends a few pounds on buying sweets for her brother and little gifts for us. I really feel for her as she is so aware that money is tight and so she will watch her friends spend whilst not spending any herself.

I think the hardest part of budgeting is not giving the kids what every other kid has. I know we can tell them that budgeting is actually the best way to live. It's not wasteful and who needs all these things anyway? But when you are growing up you want so desperately to be one of them, you don't want to be singled out as different and that's what is difficult. They all wear labels such as Hollinger - she gets second-hand ebay clothes. They all have a takeaway every Friday. They all have private piano lessons or go horse riding and visit the cinema every weekend with friends, etc, etc. I can go without these things, I'm 41 and no longer care much what people think of me. She's just 12 and I know she feels she is missing out. She doesn't have to say as much, I just know.

No, she doesn't need to go horse riding (she could just eat a Tesco burger), or wear these fashionable labels and yes she should be proud to be different and yes these people may well get in debt one day (although I doubt it as their parents can afford to bail them out) and she will be a better person for it. But in the here and now, how do you explain all that to a 12 year old?

I bet bloody Cameron and Osbourne's kids don't go without. I hate this government.

Hi S & S,
Unfortunately there is no magical answer to this! I know this is obvious but thats part of the reason why lots of people get in debt, trying to give kids and themselves everything they want!

The way I've got around this with my two are to let them make the choice - my boy wanted an ipad - he changed his mind when he realised to achieve that he wouldn't have his holiday away this year. My daughter wanted the most expensive school trip (they have 30 activities to choose from to do/go on at the end of the school year, ranging from free upwards) The trip would have cost £1400 (!!! :eek:!!) until we told her the same - fine but none of us will get a holiday this year.
(By the way I do feel imensely fortunate to be going away this year) She is now doing an eco course at £30.

It's a life lesson most of us have to learn and yes its not easy, but unless a lottery win, inheritance or the like are iminent thats the way it is. We have learned this the hard way, as you can see from our previous debt!!

We live in a very affluent village, my sons friend across the way lives in a magazine cover type house, has ponies and tennies courts in the grounds. We hear no talk of labels, I'm better than you etc etc. He comes around here to see my son and sits quite happily in our little front room, and tells me he hates his new private school (bless him )
I'm not sure if we are lucky that there is a distinct lack of snobbery around here, or if its just water off a ducks back with the kids, but i'm pleased they have the experience of a wide mix of different social groups.
I always think that people who brag about labels, cars, and material things have probably got loads of debt! We have noticed that those people (including a lot of folk around where we live) who are truly wealthy tend not to talk about money, and are not bothered about labels and the like or wear them quietly!!
Maybe you could get around the problem by giving her a choice? i.e. I will add £10 to your earned money if you want to buy clothes with your friends, or alternatively we could go swimming (or some other cheap or free activity?) and she can invite a friend?
Anyhow, I expect there are lots of people trying to keep up including your daughters friends, so I'm sure they don't all have 'what every other kid has', although I know sometimes it can feel like that!
Chin up s&s, it will get easier over time, especially with the support of the guys on here

Pennies xx:A